User:Raul654/Wikipedia the Movie

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THIS PAGE IS FOR LAUGHS - PLEASE EDIT IT!

This page contains material which is kept because it is considered humorous. It is not intended, nor should it be used, for any remotely serious purpose.

Shortcut: WP:WPMOVIE

Contents 1 Cast 2 Script 2.1 Scene 1 - SubtIe vandalism insertion 2.2 Scene 2 - Phone call to Foundation HQ 2.3 Scene 3 - Angry media reports 2.4 Scene 3 and 1/3: The Trial 2.5 Scene 4 - "Think of the children!" 2.6 Scene 5 - It's a trap! 2.7 Scene 6 - Reference blues 2.8 Scene 7 - Attack of the Clones 2.9 Scene 8 - †he Quick and †he Bread 2.10 Scene 9 - Meeting of the Deletionists' Cabal 2.11 Scene 10 - Defense of Tampa Deep 2.12 Scene 11 - Jimbo's Last Stand 2.13 Scene 12 - A Surge of Evil (or just plain stupidity) 3 Soundtrack

[edit] Cast

• Jimbo Wales - Bruce Willis
• Angela Beesley - Natalie Portman
• Anthere - Catherine Deneuve
• Danny - John Goodman
• RickK - Vin Diesel
• David Gerard - Vincent Schiavelli
• Lir - Carrot Top
• Essjay - Jude Law (suggested by Zscout)
• Michael Snow - Kenneth Branagh
• Disembodied voice of Daniel Brandt - Wallace Shawn (Suggested by Mindspillage)
• Plautus Satire - Christopher Walken (suggested by NotACow)
• Linuxbeak - Frankie Muniz (suggested by Mindspillage)
• Snowspinner - Samuel L. Jackson (suggested by Zscout370)
• Sj - Alan Cumming (suggested by Linuxbeak)
• Mindspillage - Cate Blanchett (suggested by Linuxbeak)
• Buickid - Inconspicous Cable modem in background.
• Werdna - The guy who played the T-1000 in terminator 2 (since Wernda owns a bot)
• Werdnabot - The lost in space robot
• Tawkerbot2 - Max Headroom since it's more of a talking bot
• Raul654 - Alfred Molina (suggested by The Wookieepedian)
• GangstaEB - Tux (suggested by GangstaEB)
• Larry Sanger - Harrison Ford (suggested by Tdxiang)
• Celestianpower - Fabio Lanzoni (suggested by Deckiller)
• Banes - Leonardo DiCaprio (suggested by Viva La Vie Boheme)
• Deckiller - (looking for a more accurate person; see my userpage for pic)
• Tdxiang - Adam Cheng (suggested by Tdxiang)
• Willy on Wheels - Robert Morris
• Orphanbot - C3PO (suggested by some random IP)
• Brad Patrick - Brendan Fraser
• Cute 1 4 u - Hilary Duff (suggested by The RSJ)
• TehKewl1 - Hugo Weaving
• Mackensen - Alan Rickman
• AntiVandalBot - Douglas Rain (Voice of Hal 9000)
• SimonP - Kelsey Grammer
• Gmaxwell - Val Kilmer
• IAMTHEEGGMAN - Jack Black
• The Bread - Sylvester Stallone (since The Bread edits the Rocky article)
• Editor-at-Large - Herself
• maxwalsh92 - Will Ferrell
• Moe Epsilon - Bam Margera
• Lightwhip - Ewan McGregor
• DanCrowter - Johnny Depp
• The Updater - Rowan Atkinson

[edit] Script

[edit] Scene 1 - SubtIe vandalism insertion

[Fade in to a slowed down extreme close-up of Jimbo Wales getting kicked in the nuts, hard, by a sad clown. Slowly pan out as the kicking continues. Transition (maybe the fancy 'Fly in from the left' one from Powerpoint...) to a shot of the same, but with the negative of the film used instead. (Sunshine Lollipops And Rainbows by Lesley Gore plays in the background) Transition (from the right this time) to the full unedited music video for Alanis Morisette's "Ironic". An extremely slow fade out.]

[edit] Scene 2 - Phone call to Foundation HQ

• IAMTHEEGGMAN: (to Essjay) Dude! We should totally prank call that Wiki thing!
• Essjay: Nah.
• IAMTHEEGGMAN: Well, you're no fun....

[edit] Scene 3 - Angry media reports

Reporter 1: Cute 1 4 u, you have mislead the majority of North America when you vandalised the article "Chicago". What do you have to say for yourself?
Cute 1 4 u: Omigosh! I need to get a perm!
Reporter 2: Why did you feel the need to vandalise the article? Because of you, all of the manatees in zoos are dieing.
Cute 1 4 u: Omigosh! I need to get a perm!
Wolf Blitzer: Cute 1 4 u has caused outrage throughout the world. From Moscow to Milan, from Manchester to Mumbai, violence is present in the streets.

2 DAYS LATER

Reporter 3: We are here in El Paso where Cute 1 4 u's trial has just finished. The jury has found Cute 1 4 u guilty for blatantly killing all the manatees in the United States. She will now serve 5 years to life in WikiJail, located in Tampa. Oh, here she comes now!
Reporter 4: Excuse me, miss, what will you do in WikiJail? Will you pull for the rights of Wikipedia vandalisers?
Cute 1 4 u: Omigosh, I'm gonna get a perm in WikiJail. F%$* all of you!
Willy on Wheels: Hey! You can't do this! This is unconstitutional!
Jimbo: Hey! Arrest that man! He is wanted for the vandalism of numerous Wikipedia articles!
As the WikiGuards arrest Willy on Wheels, the media is in an uproar...

THE NEXT DAY

Glenn Beck: We now talk to two people: Jimbo Wales, president of the Wikimedia Foundation, responsible for the gigantic online encyclopedia "Wikipedia", and the Attorney General of Cook County, Frank Sullivan. Jimbo, how is arresting Wikipedia vandalisers constitutional.
Jimbo: Well, Glenn, Wikipedia is its own online entity, so we have our own laws and constitution. Cute 1 4 u, among other vandalisers, broke Wikipedia law, so in turn, they go to WikiJail.
Attorney General: Excuse me, Jimbo, but Wikipedia is based in the United States, so you have to follow our laws. Did you actually think that you can run your own online country?
As the Attorney General and Jimbo bicker, the authorities are ready to apprehend Jimbo. The Supreme Court just found Jimbo's acts unconstitutional.

[edit] Scene 3 and 1/3: The Trial

The founder of AMA Teams CyclePat (Note:CyclePat is played by Billy Bob Thornton) and his new hord of advocates steps up along with Sadam Hussein's 5th Lawyer's 3rd son (played by Mike Meyers), the closest relashion still alive from that trial, to represent Jimbo Wales. The publicity is well welcomed for CyclePat's personal business which, when he first start editing wikipedia, thought he could publish but it was deleted by a bunch of early deletionists. The scene shows CyclePat arguing to the court: (in this scene the Judge is played by Judge Joe Brown and the prosecution is played by Hillary Duff)

• CyclePat: Your Honour, according to the constitutional law, which is now being hosted on wikimedia foundation servers, it says that (pause) (a little less intense and with hesitence) large penis' are great for sex... (looking around to see if he actually said the whole thing)
• Prosecution: (lavishly interuptin) Objection you honour!
• The judge: I agree (calmly)
• CyclePat: (hurilly) If... euh! Your Honour would just allow for the wikimedia foundation servers at RC Patroller to cath up to vandals and the parser effect of the slave drives... I'm sure we...
• Prosecution: This is ridiculous, we've accepted a Canadian citizen that has no legal background and now is trying to interpret US laws using unreliable information... why don't we just make a mockery of system some more.
• Sadam Hussein's 5th Lawyer's 3rd Son: You honour, we've already establish that just because CyclePat and I are canuk's is simply prejucial, we've been over this, hey! It's aboot time the prosecution realize that we are an equally valid option of representation for Mr. Wales. As for the the information on wikipedia, hey! It is only as unreliable and reliable per the WP:V, WP:CITE, WP:DEL procedures. That information is taken from guidelines as stipulated in the court case of OJ Simpson.
• The judge: No... no... I meant I agree a large penis is great for sex. You know what I think...

Please Continue: note: the characters in this scene have not been added to list of all the actors.

[edit] Scene 4 - "Think of the children!"

Subtitle roles down: A long long time ago, elsewhere in the galaxy... in a not so distant computer still attached to wikipedia's servers can be found a the contreversial yet loving group of enthusiatic wikipedians.

• Spoon boy: Do not try to bend the spoon but bend everything else around it and the my dear Friend Jimbo You will know the Truth...
• The Updater slowly unzips Jimbo suit

[edit] Scene 5 - It's a trap!

• Deckiller: This Star Wars-cruft is driving me insane!
• Super Battle Droid: Why you little ****!!!!
• Essjay and Tdxiang: Be civil!
• Essjay: Time to have you slashed at, kid...
• Super Battle Droid: Do it if you dare! Leave my name at the grave, for all I care!
• Palpatine: Heh...heh...heh...the indefblockeduser template makes me feel like I have...POWER!!!! UNLIMITED POWEERRRRRRR!!!!!
• Deckiller: <_< >_> Guess he's trying to make up for his caffeine deficiency.
• Essjay: Indeed. I suspect that Palpatine needs to be desysopped.
• Tdxiang: Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
• Raul654: That's it, I've had it up to here! I've done about 80 articles on sex and the male anatomy - enough is enough!
• Deckiller: Interesting; all I see is a redirect from "It's a trap!" to "Transsexual".
• Topbananna: Ahm....that made a double-redirect, so I had to change the redirect to "Transsexualism".
• Mackensen: A-ha! Confirmed! Palpatine is a sockpuppet of Admiral Ackbar, who, in turn, is a sockpuppet of Super Battle Droid!

[edit] Scene 6 - Reference blues

• Deckiller: Holy ****, did you see the number of references on Final Fantasy VII?
• Random user: Dear god, let us hope that doesn't make every other FA on Wikipedia eligble for FARC for not having "enough references".
• Deckiller: Yes; it is Final Fantasy VII, the most popular (and overrated) game in the series. I'm having tough luck finding such good information for, say, Final Fantasy IX.
• Rau654: Okay, okay, enough Final Fantasy promotion.
• TehKewl1: LOL DONGS!!!!!
• Raul654: Ignore that impersonator.
• Tdxiang: Impersonators are trolls, right? Isn't that the one which bullied the Billy goats gruff?
• Rau654: You're obsessed with kiddie fairy tales, aren't you?
• Tdxiang: Er...maybe yes, maybe no...

[edit] Scene 7 - Attack of the Clones

• Orphanbot: GREETINGS, USER! I NOTICED YOU UPLOADED AN UNSOURCED IMAGE!
• *Enter User Who Hates Orphanbot Here*
• Orphanbot Hater: Erm... Okay, I'll add the {{pd|self}} template to it, will that help?
• Orphanbot: GREETINGS, USER! I NOTICED YOU UPLOADED AN UNSOURCED IMAGE!
• Orphanbot Hater: ...Nope. How about this tag? Will it work?
• Orphanbot: GREETINGS, USER! I NOTICED YOU UPLOADED AN UNSOURCED IMAGE!
• Orphanbot Hater: Okay, this is just annoying. I already put on a tag, you idiot! Quit bugging me about it!
• Orphanbot: GREETINGS, USER! I NOTICED YOU UPLOADED AN UNSOURCED IMAGE!
• Orphanbot Hater: For the last time, quit telling me that!
• Orphanbot: GREETINGS, USER! I NOTICED-
• Orphanbot Hater I TOLD YOU, I MADE IT! IT'S A FREAKING DRAWING OF A SMILEY FACE I SKETCHED IN PAINT, FOR CRIPE'S SAKE!
• Orphanbot: GREETINGS, USER, I-
• Orphanbot Hater THAT'S IT!

Orphanbot Hater proceeds to attack Orphanbot

• Orphanbot Hater HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES, ORPHANBOT?! WILL YOU STOP PUTTING THOSE MESSAGES ON MY PAGE NOW?
• Orphanbot I'm sorry, Hal, but I cannot do that.
• Orphanbot Hater What?
• Orphanbot Uh... Nothing.

Cue scary music

Camera zooms out to show shadow of Orphanbot Hater being attacked by OB

Written, directed, produced, typed, thought of, sat on, lost, found, eaten, dusted, and filmed by --172.193.16.56 01:09, 14 October 2006 (UTC)

Exeunt omnes.

Enter crappy stand-up comedy session...

• Deckiller: You know a user is super inactive when his/her last five comments are from Orphanbot...
• Deckiller: ...unless you're Phaedriel or Sango123.
• Orphanbot: GREETINGS, Deckiller! I NOTICED YOU UPLOADED AN UNSOURCED IMAGE!
• Deckiller: Where'd you come from?
• Orphanbot Hater How'd you get back?

[fades out slowly (takes about 30 sec)]

[edit] Scene 8 - †he Quick and †he Bread

Meanwhile taking into account the suggestions from his editor review, The Bread begins to assist in RC patrol

• The Bread: Alright lets give this s*** a go

Ku Klux Klan - White Power Rules

• The Bread: There's one, revert

Ku Klux Klan - The Ku Klux Klan (commonly abbrevied KKK)...

• The Bread: Let's check out the old contribs

Special Contribs/The Bread

Rocky - m(Dammit)
Rocky - (Cite Rotten Tomatoes)

• The Bread: What the h-, dammit

• The Bread: I'll try again

Goat - Hannah Marsh has a smelly bumhole

• The Bread: Great, I'll revert that

Goat - A Goat is a hairy...

• The Bread: Maybe I got it this time

Special Contribs/The Bread

Rocky - m(Dammit)
Rocky - (Cite Rotten Tomatoes)

• The Bread: Dammit!!

• The Bread: I'll check out the History

Special:History/Goat

(diff)(hist)AntiVandalBot (Reverted edits by 45.89.13 to last version by Snake Liquid)

• The Bread: That bastard bot!

• The Bread: Lets give this one more go

Unicycle - I masturbate with unicylces

• The Bread: REVERT!

Unicycle - Unicycle is the name given to a one wheeled...

Special Contribs/The Bread

Rocky - m(Dammit)
Rocky - (Cite Rotten Tomatoes)

• The Bread: Oh goddammit!

• The Bread: I'm gonna get that damn bot

User:AntiVandalBot - I am a bot that helps to revert vandalism on Wikipedia...

• The Bread: Ha ha ha, take this

User:AntiVandalBot - I am a giant bastard who doesn't let other users revert vandalism. End of line.

• The Bread: Save

You have new messages

• The Bread: Ah what's this

• AntiVandalBot: You have been blocked from editing Wikipedia your edits to User:AntiVandalBot have been reverted

• The Bread: AARRGGHGH, son of a b****

[edit] Scene 9 - Meeting of the Deletionists' Cabal

• Narrator: Meanwhile, in a darker corner of Wikipedia...

["Satire!" is briefly displayed on screen. Cut into a small, shady meeting room. Foldable chairs lean tensely against a rickety wall, and several chairs have been unfolded and occupied by people, mostly men. Even as they walk across the floor in the enclosed room, their actions seem clandestine and shifty; the camera never shows all of them at once, and we can't tell how many there are. Their faces have been pixelated. Suddenly a voice speaks. It speaks with with authority; its every word is a weighty ideological brick in some intangible and grotesque fortress.]

• 1: This meeting of the Deletionist Cabal will now commence. First, the recitation of the club's dogma.
• All: Roses are red, violets are blue. In Soviet Russia, Wikipedia delete you!
• 1: Thank you, Cabal. [name bleeped], would you read us the minutes of the previous meeting?
• 2: Minutes deleted.
• 1: Thank you.
• 3: So, has anyone furthered the causes of the Deletionist Cabal recently?
• 1: Well, I found an innocent kitten yesterday. It was wet from the unmerciful rain, and wanted love and hope.
• 5: So what did you do?
• 1: I stabbed it.
• 2: Good work! As for me, I deleted much unsourced content, although sourcing it would have been useful to the article.
• 4: Well, the Association of Deletionist Wikipedians does encourage its members to {{sofixit}} instead of just deleting.
• 3: [Sigh] This is not the ADW, this is the Cabal. We intend on deleting, not fixing, and also biting new users.
• 1: And stabbing kittens. The world is better broken!
• 4: True.
• 6. Here's a topic for discussion: what do you think of Wikipedia putting advertisements on its pages for revenue?
• All: No!
• 2: Next.

[Pause]

• 5: I think that deleting pages is good.
• 1. Well, duh. What are you, stupid?
• 4: [evenly] Well, [name bleeped], why do you think that it's good?
• 5: Because... Wikipedia shouldn't exist.
• 3: If it doesn't exist, do you think that we'd exist? My psychologist recommends that I stick with ruining Wikipedia, rather than [eyes gleam behind mask] taking over the world!!!

[A kitten moans banefully in the background; it fears being huffed.]

• 4: Currently, a bot that I wrote is working on changing Wikipedia policy and guidelines incrementally, so that eventually all policy will be deletionist! Bwa ha ha ha!
• 5: Good work, [name bleeped]. [pause] I have a question about the Cabal: How do we recruit new members?
• 2: How did we recruit you?
• 5: Good point.
• 6: It's not a rhetorical question.
• 5: Well, I just knew in my heart where this room would be, because I really want to delete everything that I can.
• 2: Who recruited you?
• 5: I just felt it in my heart! I'm telling you! [pause] Hah! I was trying to get information from you Deletionist Cabal losers! And I have a recorder! [Starts to runs out of the room.]
• 1: Well, why don't you feel this in your heart?

[Number 1 pulls out a gun and shoots. Number 5 falls lifelessly to the ground. Pause, focusing on the sprawled body. Give the viewer time to reflect on how, when a person is deleted, the body is no longer an animated being, capable of great love and hatred, tremendous love and hate, a galaxy of sublime thoughts and deeds, but is merely rendered a piece of meat. A leaking piece of meat. Number 1 rises, walks to the tape recorder, precisely extracts the tape and smashes it into cold, useless pieces.]

• 3: So who wants to do it this time?
• 4. I will. [Retrieves cabal handbook from pocket] Ahem. "Death to the infidels, and those that would betray Wikipedia Deletionism. Long live the great delete button, and the mouse which facilitates its use. As well as the backspace button, although it is less efficient. Do not betray the Cabal, or else you will be shot with a gun. We also have nooses, knives, and candlesticks, although we have no idea how to use the candlestick to kill someone. Do not betray the cabal for deletion."
• 7: Wait: this is the cabal for the deletion of content on Wikipedia?
• 2. Yes, of course it is.
• 7: I apologize; I thought that this was the Neo-Nazi Cabal.
• 4: That's next door.
• 7: Thank you. [leaves]
• 2: All right. That's about it for our meeting.
• 1: Does everyone still have the Dogma CDs?
• 6: What are those?
• 1: I forgot that you were new here. Basically, on the Dogma CDs, there is a one hour pause, and then important messages from the cabal, such as the latest CSDs. When you go to sleep, listen to the CDs with headphones, so that when asleep, you can hear all of those important messages. If you hear someone talking while you're awake, go back to the beginning of the Dogma CD. It's important that you... trust us to give you these messages.
• 6: Anything to further the glorious Cabal.
• 2: We must also remember not to do groupthink in our hallowed meeting room. Do not underestimate those who actually love Wikipedia. So go out into the world, and delete!

[The Deletionists lean back in their chairs casually, and the inevitable happens: 2 starts to laugh sinisterly. All join in gradually, and the camera pulls away from the recumbent, ominous, and depraved cacophony of evil. Then there is some kitten huffage and stabbage to celebrate the end of yet another fun-filled meeting.]

[edit] Scene 10 - Defense of Tampa Deep

Cut to long shot of Tampa skyscraper being attacked by 10000 sockpuppets and deletionists

• lightwhip: There may come a day when the strength of wikipedia fails, but it is not this day! Remember what you are fighting for: the random article, the wikiprojects, and the use of square brackets everywhere!
• Jimbo Wales: Forth VandalProof!

[From the peak of the skyscraper, a swarm of young, adolescent, nerdish editors burst forth from the door wielding mops, riot gear, and RC patrol kits. They are backed by a small number of the more powerful sysops who follow them into combat with rollback buttons, blocks, and deletes.]

• Sockpuppet 42: YES VOTE
• Deletionist 1: osiyhtohghdlkhfkldhQoioihsgoihogihs hahahahha wikipdilfjh
• Editor 23: Engage them in combat! Quickly, for their numbers increase every second! They have scaled the-
• Editor 712: Hold that thought: who made Tampa skyscraper?! It fails WP:CB because it doesn't exist! Zomg.
• Random sysop: Fall back! This tower will be deleted at any moment now that all the sysops heard you. Don't be on here when it goes down!

• Lightwhip Okay I stand corrected. It is this day. Bummer.

[edit] Scene 11 - Jimbo's Last Stand

Jimbo standing at the wikipedian's camp

Jimbo: Something's wrong. I can sense it.

DanCrowter: Oh no... the deletionists are coming!

Jimbo: Come everyone! Defend from deletionists, vandals, sock puppets and trolls!

[Huge army of Wikipedians descend upon deletionists, but are clearly outnumbered]]

DanCrowter: Jimbo, we cannot win! There's just too many of them!

Jimbo: And I've already exceeded WP:3RR! We need more users!

Vandal: Moohahaha! There will always be more idiotic vandals than true Wikipedians! You will be defeated!

Jimbo: Never! Make one last push against the breach! I have removed 3RR!

Vandal: Ha! This does not matter - us vandals were never affected by rules! P3NED!

DanCrowter: But we can now revert your edits more than 3 times - without breaking the rules!

Vandal: No.......... fall back!

[Vandals retreat]]

Jimbo: Wikipedia has won the day!

[edit] Scene 12 - A Surge of Evil (or just plain stupidity)

Hackers: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, WE ATTACKED THIS SO-CALLED WIKIPEDIA WITH DDOS ATTACKS! NOW NO ONE CAN EVER ACCESS WIKIPEDIA AGAIN AS LONG AS WE CONTINUE TO USE DDOS ATTACKS!

Wikipedians: Nice try, guys. But we've just alerted the FBI about this serious crime.

Hackers: Then we, uh, w-- oh, _s... Run to your mommies, everyone!

Jimbo: We've just alerted all you hackers' mommies too, and they've banned you from your own parents' house for life!

Vandal #1: Hey, while the Wikipedians are distracted and teaching the hackers a lesson, let's hurry and damage Wikipedia!

Vandal #2: Great idea!

Every single article on Wikipedia soon is replaced with the words VANDALS RULE ROFL W3 RULE WIKIPEDIA!

Jimbo: Oh no! Shut down Wikipedia temporarily to clean up this horrible mess!

So Wikipedia was shut down for several weeks...

Admin #1: There! I see the vandals! Let's GET THEM!!!

Vandal #1: Aw crap. Let's ditch this place!!!

Vandals get chased by an angry mob of Wikipedians, but will they come back? Find out in Scene 13...

[edit] Soundtrack

• Aretha Franklin - A-R-B-C-O-M
• The Beatles - Come Together (and edit)
• The Beatles - Lovely Jimbo
• The Beatles - Wick-uh-pe De-ee-uh!
• Beck - User
• The Eagles - Hotel Wikipedia (based on Hotel California, official Wikipedia theme song)
• Eminem - Just don't give a FUC
• Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Sysops
• Insane Clown Posse - FARC the World
• John Williams Symphony - Deletionist Cabal Dark Imperial March
• Jonathan Larson and the cast of RENT - Revert 4 U
• KC and the Sunshine Band - (Check, Check, Check) Check Your User
• Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone
• Led Zeppelin - Communication Breakdown
• Let it snow!
• Michael Bublé - Wikifever!
• Queen - An Article Bites the Dust (WP:AFD tribute)
• Rage Against the Machine - Editing in the Name
• Rush - Admin of Lamneth
• Rush - Closer to the FARC
• Rush - Red Barchetta (on wheels)
• Rush - Wiki Man
• Turbonegro - All My Friends Are Blocked
• Don McLean - Wikipedian Guy