User:Andrew Winston
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Andrew Winston, born on the 29th of September, 1992, is currently an average joe who is still doing nothing with his life. He has several friends, one of whom is a Hungarian, and the other has many theories, all of which may be correct. Both of these people were obsessed with what they call a "passage"
While he has friends, he also has enemies, whose names will not be revealed. He is criminally annoying, cocky and an all-round little gay person. Winston has recently discovered that the annoying little poofter likes to put his "key" in manly houses "back doors" Recently he has openly admitted to having a farm, which he has apparently "very squeezable cows" He also is searching for a mysterious house, which have the "keys to the kingdom" Between you and me, the kingdom is a word used by a MALE (hint hint)
The Cow Farmer, formerly shown here riding to the barn to squeeze his cows. Although he squeezes cows, when he is busy entering back doors he has "robots" to help him. Notice he wears a mask to hide his horrible face. Also notice he rides a tricycle like a little girl, the reason being that he uses the bell on it to arouse himself. Notice in right-hand picture, this is how the Farmer is when he hasn't either milked his cows or gone into a door in a few days.
The Farmer turns into a Gollum-like creature when he hasn't entered a back door in a few days, but the ring being replaced by a back door.
Recently, the person in question (which will never be revealed) is not being a good sport about this page, created solely for the purpose of comedy. So if you're reading this, I have a clear and simple message: GO SUCK A BIN YOU POOF!
Warning: If you take offence to this, you must be on some form of drug and are therefore an idiotic person being sucked by a bin-sucker. If you try to harm the author in any way you will be declared "king poofter" on site, and in the event of that happening, you will be punished to the full extent of the law, which could mean the death penalty in the U.S and in Australia, being branded a gay for life, although some people may think that being branded a gay is a priviledge. I'm sure you know who i'm taking about, but you don't know for sure.
The Cow Farmer also denies the fact that he wants to go into the "kingdom" with his "keys to the kingdom". After my study I have found that the kingdom is most likely a heavily locked back door, which the Farmer has managed to enter. He calls it a "kingdom" because it arouses him more than any other door he has broken in to. Although he denies it, we all know that he likes breaking and entering into other people's back doors, he never likes the front, because that's what a NORMAL person would do. But he prefers his big, manly houses and likes to sneak through the back door to achieve maximum gayness.
I also discovered that once the Farmer is in the manly house, he goes to the fridge (as he calls it) and gets a bottle of "special sauce". Who knows what that is? He also recently yelled at one of his own friends, just because we displayed his imperfections. Talk about a little as the french say "la bitch". This person is also believed to be the creator of the game "soggy chips", although he denies creating it, blaming it on poor little snobs from private schools. I have continued research on this bizarre ritual, which isn't being supported by him, even though he told us about it himself.
As mentioned above, the Farmer becomes a Gollum-type creature when he hasn't milked his cows for their special sauce or hasn't entered a back door in a few days. If it is more than a few days, he soon goes into involuntary spasms and convulsions, in which he yells "I need special suace" over and over. One of the only ways to stop this is to play "soggy chips"
Another method to stop it is for him to enter his "recreation suit" which he enters ,once he has achieved maximum arousement. The recreation suit is different to the tricycle suit, ut both items have a mask. In the recreation suit however, when he exhales and inhales, it sounds mechanical, the reason being because he is aroused, he cannot breathe properly.
The Farmer is believed to have been horribly mutilated in an accident, although he probably was born that way. Also, the Farmer as well as enjoying special sauce, is a known user of chocolate, which supposedly, like the bell, arouses him. He showed this when he was offered chocolate, and immediately became excited and then begging for it. He manangs to mix melted chocolate and special sauce to create a substance, which arouses him more than most things and prepares him to enter back doors.
If his key (estimated to be three millimetres or less, as told by the Farmer) is damaged by any form of contact, he has his hired help (as shown in picture above)who also serves as a locksmith, who repairs his key.
Despite the fact he looks like a burns victim, he must have the strength of some small mammal, as he cried when a ball (attracted to him) hit him in the testicular region (non-existent on him) he cried like the sissy girl that he is. Also, the Farmer cried when a ball hit him in the arm (at this stage he was believed to have been milkng his cows (and or robots) earlier in the day.
Quite recently, the accused Farmer has created his own article about myself. It is a complete and utter disgrace to the name of comedy and I urge you to stay away. He has also unsuccessfully attempted to copy the originality of this page. Oddly, it has recently been deleted for reasons which I have not yet known of. It had many disgusting articles, such as a how-to guide to entering a back door. He explicitly gave names of people (without permission) and even claims that I "kiss the ass of a friend of mine and I find it difficult to pay people out. I will clarify this. Firstly, I find it with great ease that I pay the Farmer out. Secondly, the Farmer is unfortunately in denial; as it seems he can not come up with any material and decides to thieve other people's ideas. Better luck next time Farmer!
Lately, the Farmer has not been able to restrain himself, as he has been attempting to use his tongue for bizarre and morbid rituals, so my guess is he is also using it to attempt to milk his cows (i still have not found out how he could have)
