Jewish views of marriage
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Judaism considers marriage to be the ideal state of existence; a man without a wife, or a woman without a husband, are considered incomplete.
Contents |
[edit] Classical customs
In traditional Jewish society, from the era of the Talmud up to the enlightenment, social association of the sexes was usually restricted (tzeniut). In Orthodox Jewish communities these social restrictions are still practiced.
[edit] Betrothal from the Mishnah and Talmud
The Mishna describes three ways of contracting betrothal (tractate Kiddushin 1:1):
- With money (as when a man hands a woman an object of value, such as a ring or a coin, for the purpose of contracted marriage, and in the presence of two witnesses, and she actively accepts);
- Through a shtar, a contract containing the betrothal declaration phrased as "through this contract"; or
- By sexual intercourse with the intention of creating a bond of marriage, a method strongly discouraged by the rabbinic sages and intended only for levirate marriages.
Today only the betrothal ceremony involving the object of value (i.e. the equivalent of "with money"), almost always a ring, is practiced, but the others may be fallen back upon should a halachic dispute occur.
Engagement for marriage was generally brought about by a third person, often a professional match-maker ("shadchan"). The process is called Shidduchim (Hebrew: matches). The shadchan received a "brokerage-fee" fixed by law or agreed upon by custom, as a rule a small percentage of the dowry. It was paid by either of the parties, or each paid one-half, at the betrothal or after the wedding. The rabbi, as a person enjoying special confidence, was also often employed as intermediary. Although the marriage preliminaries were the concern of the parents, their children were not forced into marriage over their objections.
[edit] Marriage ceremony
The marriage ceremony is based on the rules for transfer of property or of rights in antiquity. In marriage, the woman accepts a ring (or something of value) from the man, accepting the terms of the marriage. This is called betrothal, or kiddushin or erusin. A ketubah ("[marriage] contract") is read publicly. Witnesses are required for both the signing of the ketubah and the ceremonies.
At the giving of the ring the groom (chatan) makes a declaration "You are consecrated to me, through this ring, according to the religion of Moses and Israel." Traditionally there is no verbal response on the part of the bride. She accepts the ring on her finger, and closes her hand, signifying acceptance.
Finally the couple are joined in matrimony under the chuppah, in the ceremony of nissuin, symbolizing their setting up house together. Very often the chuppah is made of an outstretched tallit (Jewish prayer shawl), but it can be any sort of canopy.
The ceremony reaches its climax with both the bride and groom drinking wine. The groom then steps on the wine glass to break it. The origin of this custom is shrouded in mystery, and various understandings of this custom exist:
- The oldest source seems to be from the Babylonian Talmud, tractate Berakhot 31a; it has a story about the wedding of Rav Ashi's son. When the celebrants began to get carried away, Rav Ashi brought out and broke a crystal glass in front of them. The interpretation by the Tosafot (early medieval Talmudic commentators) is that even during moments of great celebration, one must maintain proper decorum. It may be related to the belief that it is best to temper one's joy, in order to avert inviting bad fortune.
- The breaking of the glass represents the Jewish community's continuing sorrow of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem; no celebration is totally complete without the Temple. Along with that belief, some Jews believe that the broken pieces of the glass tell you how long the bride and groom's marriage will last.
- Among Kabbalists (adherents of Jewish mysticism), this custom is said to be a reminder of the broken fragments of Creation, and our need to engage in Tikkun Olam, the repairing of the world on a spiritual level.
[edit] Reform and Conservative adaptations
Conservative Judaism and Reform Judaism have created new customs governing the wedding ceremony. Today most non-traditional Jewish women respond by giving a ring to the groom, and recite an appropriate passage, such as the famous verse from the Song of Songs, Ani l'dodi v'dodi Li ("I am for my beloved, and my beloved is for me", Song of Songs 6:3). Objections to the Talmudic formulation center around the idea that marriage is the purchase of a wife by a man.
[edit] The Ketubah
The ketubah lays out rights of the wife (to monetary payments upon termination of the marriage by death or divorce), and obligations of the husband (providing food, shelter, clothing, and sexual satisfaction to the wife). Due to its overriding importance, it was not written in the Hebrew language, but in Aramaic, the lingua franca of Jews at the time the first Ketubot became standardized.
Orthodox Judaism uses a traditional ketubah based on the forms that have evolved and standardized over the past millennium. There are minor variations between Orthodox groups, but none of major legal or theological difference. While Jews today no longer speak Aramaic, Orthodox ketubot are still written in this tongue. Nowadays many Orthodox ketubot also have translations into English or other vernacular language
[edit] Conservative, Reform and Reconstructionist changes
Conservative Judaism uses a traditional ketubah, but has incorporated two changes. Aramaic ketubot (pl.) are still used, but since Hebrew has been reborn as a living language, an official Hebrew version of the Ketubah is now sometimes used. A second change is that a new paragraph is allowed as an option as a "prenuptial agreement"; this paragraph includes a directive that if the couple ever gets a civil (non-religious) divorce, they must go to a Bet Din ("[rabbinical] court") and follow its directives, which tells the husband that he must give his wife a get, a Jewish divorce. This known as the "Lieberman Clause."
The Reform and Reconstructionist movements use both more equalized versions of the ketubah, and also use documents that are essentially not a ketubah at all, but rather a new form of wedding celebration document.
[edit] Chuppah
A chuppah (also spelled huppa, chupah, or chuppa - plural chuppot) is a canopy traditionally used in Jewish weddings. It consists of a cloth or sheet — sometimes a tallit ("prayershawl") — stretched or supported over four poles, and is sometimes carried by attendants to the ceremony location. It is meant to symbolize the home which the couple will build together.
A traditional chuppah, especially within Orthodox Judaism, recommends that there be open sky exactly above the chuppah. If the wedding ceremony is held indoors in a hall, sometimes a special opening is built to be opened during the ceremony. Many Hasidim prefer to conduct the entire ceremony outdoors.
In a spiritual sense, the covering of the chuppah represents the presence of God over the covenant of marriage. As a man's kipa (skull cap) served as a reminder of the Creator above all, (also a symbol of separation from God), so the chuppah was erected to signify that the ceremony and institution of marriage has divine origins.
Before going under the chuppah the groom, amidst joyous singing of the guests, covers the bride's face with a veil. This ceremony is called Badeken or Bedekung, and is at least 600 years old. The origin of this tradition is in the dispute of what exactly is the chuppah. There are opinions that the chuppah means covering the bride's face, and that by this covering the couple is getting married. This opinion is based on the Verse: “[T]hen she took her veil and covered herself.” (Genesis, 24, 65) in which Rebekah meets Isaac. Some are strict to make sure that the witnesses will see the covering, for them to actually be considered as witnessing the marriage.
[edit] Ritual purity in family life
The Laws of "Family Purity" (taharas hamishpacha) have always been a pre-requisite of the Orthodox Jewish marriage. This requires a knowledge of the menstrual Niddah laws which all Jewish brides and grooms should have studied prior to the wedding.
[edit] Controversy over intermarriage
According to the National Jewish Population Survey 2000-01, 47% of marriages involving Jews in the United States between 1996 and 2001 were intermarriages. Rates of intermarriage have increased in other countries in the diaspora as well. Jewish leaders in different branches generally agree that possible assimilation is a crisis, but they differ on the proper response to intermarriage.
- All branches of Orthodox Judaism refuse to accept any validity or legitimacy of intermarriages.
- Conservative Judaism, does not sanction intermarriage, but encourages acceptance of the non-Jewish spouse within the family, hoping that such acceptance will lead to conversion.
- Reform Judaism and Reconstructionist Judaism do not accept the Jewish Law as binding, so technically they do not have firm rules against intermarriage. Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis are free to take their own approach to performing marriages between a Jewish and Non-Jewish partner. Many seek agreement from the couple that the children will be raised as Jewish.
[edit] Divorce
Halakha (Jewish law) allows for divorce. The document of divorce is termed a get. The final divorce ceremony involves the husband giving the get document into the hand of the wife or her agent, but the wife may sue in rabbinical court to initiate the divorce. If a man refuses to grant his wife a divorce, she assumes the status of an agunah (literally, "chained" or "anchored" wife); she is unable to remarry until the divorce is granted. A similar but rarer situation, in which the wife refuses to accept a get, similarly prevents the husband from remarrying, but there are some subtle differences between these scenarios.
[edit] Conservative Law & Reform Judaism
Conservative Judaism follows most of the laws and traditions regarding marriage and divorce as is found in Orthodox Judaism. One difference is that the Conservative movement allows certain changes to be made in the Ketubah (wedding document) to make it egalitarian. Often a clause is added to prevent any possibility of the woman ever becoming agunah (famously known as "the Lieberman clause").
Since the enlightenment, local Jewish communities lost their autonomous status and were subsumed into the nation in which they existed, and the Jewish community lost its civil powers to enforce marriage and divorce laws. The unintended result was that rabbis lost the power to force a man to give his wife a get, and Jewish law does not allow a woman to give a get to the husband. Without a get, a Jewish woman is forbidden to remarry and is therefore called an agunah (literally "an anchored woman").
For decades traditional voices within the Rabbinical Assembly counseled that Conservative Jews should take no unilateral action on this issue, and should wait for solutions from the Orthodox community, or joint action with the Orthodox community. However, the Orthodox rabbinate was in a state of legal paralysis on this issue throughout the 1800s and into the mid 1900s; while numerous solutions were offered, none were accepted. Eventually liberal voices within the Rabbinical Assembly won out, and the movement authorized unilateral action.
After doing research on this problem in conjunction with other rabbis, Professor Lieberman developed what came to be called "the Lieberman clause", a clause added to the ketubah (Jewish wedding document). In effect it was an arbitration agreement used in the case of a divorce; if the marriage dissolved and the woman was refused a get from her husband, both the husband and wife were must go to a rabbinic court authorized by the Jewish Theological Seminary of America and heed their directives, which could (and usually did) include ordering a man to give his wife a get.
At the time this clause was proposed it has some support in the Modern Orthodox community, and Orthodox leader Joseph Soloveitchik gave this proposal his approval. They began work on a joint rabbinic committee that would insure objective standards of marriage and divorce for both Orthodox and Conservative Judaism. However, objections from ultra-Orthodox rabbis torpedoed this effort at cooperation, and the proposed joint effort faltered.
Most of Orthodox Judaism then rejected the Lieberman clause as a violation of Jewish law, and have devised a separate prenuptial agreement external to the ketubah which has a similar effect - this agreement states that if the husband refuses to grant the get, he will be required to pay an enormous ongoing fee until he grants the get. This agreement is done in such a way that the husband, upon granting the get, will not be considered to have do so under duress (which would invalidate the get), but instead he has a free-will choice to either grant the get or keep paying money (but the fee is usually large enough that he effectively has no choice but to grant the get, unless he wishes to go bankrupt). In addition, this agreement is considered a legal contract by civil courts, so that if the husband refuses to pay the money or grant the get, and the rabbinical courts are unable to enforce the agreement, the civil courts can enforce it. There are sources for this in ancient Tenayim documents. In a recent development the Rabbinical Assembly, the international assembly of Conservative rabbis, has also promoted the use of a separate prenuptuial agreement, to be used in place of the Lieberman clause. This is not because they have concerns about its legitimacy, but rather about its practical effectiveness.
Neither of these arrangements, however, solve the agunah problem for a situation in which the issue is a missing husband.
Reform Judaism
Reform Jews have traditionally not used a Ketubah at their weddings. They instead usually use a short wedding certificate. They generally do not issue Jewish divorces, seeing a civil divorce as both necessary and sufficient. In recent years those in the traditional wing of Reform have begun using egalitarian forms of the ketubah. Conservative and Orthodox Judaism do not recognize civil law as overriding religious law, and thus do not view a civil divorce as sufficient. Thus, a man or woman may be considered divorced by the Reform Jewish community, but still married by the Orthodox or Conservative community.
[edit] Marriage in Israel
As civil marriage does not exist in Israel, the only institutionalized form of marriage in Israel is the religious one, i.e. a marriage conducted by a cleric. Specifically, marriage of Israeli Jews must be conducted according to Orthodox Jewish halakha. This implies that people who cannot get married according to Jewish law (e.g. a kohen and a divorcée, or a Jew and one who is not halachically Jewish) cannot have their union sanctioned. This has led for calls, mostly from the secular segment of the Israeli public, for the institution of civil marriage. There are many people affected by this law. In Israel today, there are approximately "300,000 Israelis who cannot marry because one of the partners is not Jewish, or his or her Jewishness cannot be determined."
Many secular Israelis travel abroad to have civil marriages, either because they do not believe in the Orthodox view of Judaism or because their union cannot be sanctioned by halakha. These marriages are legally binding in Israel, though not recognized by the rabbinate as Jewish.
[edit] See also
[edit] Judaism's view
- Role of women in Judaism
- Shidduch (finding a marriage partner)
- Shalom bayit (peace and harmony in the relationship between husband and wife)
- Niddah (menstruation laws)
- Tzeniut (modest behavior)
- Yichud (prohibitions of seclusion with the opposite sex)
- Negiah (guidelines for physical contact)
- Rebbetzin (rabbi's wife)
