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The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.
[edit] Season 1
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 1 |
December 17, 1989 |
no gag |
7G08 |
| 2 |
January 14, 1990 |
I will not waste chalk |
7G02 |
| 3 |
January 21, 1990 |
I will not skateboard in the halls |
7G03 |
| 4 |
January 28, 1990 |
I will not burp in class |
7G04 |
| 5 |
February 4, 1990 |
no gag |
7G05 |
| 6 |
February 11, 1990 |
I will not instigate revolution |
7G06 |
| 7 |
February 18, 1990 |
I will not draw naked ladies in class |
7G09 |
| 8 |
February 25, 1990 |
I did not see Elvis |
7G07 |
| 9 |
March 18, 1990 |
no gag |
7G11 |
| 10 |
March 25, 1990 |
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" |
7G10 |
| 11 |
April 15, 1990 |
Garlic gum is not funny |
7G13 |
| 12 |
April 29, 1990 |
They are laughing at me, not with me |
7G12 |
| 13 |
May 13, 1990 |
I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom (a reference to shouting fire in a crowded theater) |
7G01 |
[edit] Season 2
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 14 |
October 11, 1990 |
I will not encourage others to fly (And during the episode: I will not fake my way through life) |
7F03 |
| 15 |
October 18, 1990 |
Tar is not a plaything |
7F02 |
| 16 |
October 25, 1990 |
no gag |
7F04 |
| 17 |
November 1, 1990 |
I will not Xerox my butt (Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 25, 1992 rerun - "Potato", not "potatoe") |
7F01 |
| 18 |
November 8, 1990 |
I will not trade pants with others |
7F05 |
| 19 |
November 15, 1990 |
I am not a 32 year old woman (though at the time, the voice of Bart, Nancy Cartwright was) |
7F08 |
| 20 |
November 22, 1990 |
I will not do that thing with my tongue |
7F07 |
| 21 |
December 6, 1990 |
I will not drive the principal's car |
7F06 |
| 22 |
December 20, 1990 |
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart |
7F09 |
| 23 |
January 10, 1991 |
I will not sell school property |
7F10 |
| 24 |
January 24, 1991 |
I will not cut corners (This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.) |
7F11 |
| 25 |
January 31, 1991 |
I will not get very far with this attitude |
7F12 |
| 26 |
February 7, 1991 |
I will not make flatulent noises in class |
7F13 |
| 27 |
February 14, 1991 |
I will not belch the national anthem |
7F15 |
| 28 |
February 21, 1991 |
I will not sell land in Florida |
7F16 |
| 29 |
March 7, 1991 |
I will not sell school property |
7F14 |
| 30 |
March 28, 1991 |
I will not grease the monkey bars |
7F17 |
| 31 |
April 11, 1991 |
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment |
7F18 |
| 32 |
April 25, 1991 |
no gag |
7F19 |
| 33 |
May 2, 1991 |
I will not do anything bad again |
7F20 |
| 34 |
May 9, 1991 |
I will not show off (This was written in Blackletter.) |
7F21 |
| 35 |
July 11, 1991 |
I will not sleep through my education |
7F22 |
[edit] Season 3
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 36 |
September 19, 1991 |
I am not a dentist |
7F24 |
| 37 |
September 26, 1991 |
Spitwads are not free speech |
8F01 |
| 38 |
October 3, 1991 |
Nobody likes sunburn slappers |
7F23 |
| 39 |
October 10, 1991 |
High explosives and school don't mix (And during the episode: I will not bribe Principal Skinner) |
8F03 |
| 40 |
October 17, 1991 |
I will not squeak chalk (Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.) |
8F04 |
| 41 |
October 24, 1991 |
I will finish what I sta (written only once) |
8F05 |
| 42 |
October 31, 1991 |
no gag |
8F02 |
| 43 |
November 7, 1991 |
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender |
8F06 |
| 44 |
November 14, 1991 |
I will not fake rabies |
8F07 |
| 45 |
November 21, 1991 |
Underwear should be worn on the inside |
8F08 |
| 46 |
December 5, 1991 |
The Christmas pageant does not stink |
8F09 |
| 47 |
December 26, 1991 |
I will not torment the emotionally frail |
8F10 |
| 48 |
January 9, 1992 |
I will not carve gods |
8F11 |
| 49 |
January 23, 1992 |
no gag |
8F12 |
| 50 |
February 6, 1992 |
I will not spank others |
8F14 |
| 51 |
February 13, 1992 |
no gag |
8F16 |
| 52 |
February 20, 1992 |
I will not aim for the head (In this episode, a major character was hit in the head by a pitch during a "softball", actually baseball, game.) |
8F13 |
| 53 |
February 27, 1992 |
I will not barf unless I'm sick (And during the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty) |
8F15 |
| 54 |
March 12, 1992 |
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge |
8F17 |
| 55 |
March 26, 1992 |
I will not conduct my own fire drills |
8F19 |
| 56 |
April 9, 1992 |
Funny noises are not funny |
8F20 |
| 57 |
April 23, 1992 |
I will not spin the turtle |
8F21 |
| 58 |
May 7, 1992 |
I will not snap bras |
8F22 |
| 59 |
August 27, 1992 |
I will not fake seizures |
8F23 |
[edit] Season 4
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 60 |
September 24, 1992 |
This punishment is not boring and pointless |
8F24 |
| 61 |
October 01, 1992 |
My name is not "Dr. Death" |
8F18 |
| 62 |
October 08, 1992 |
I will not defame New Orleans (This was due to complaints regarding the previous episode's song about New Orleans.) |
9F01 |
| 63 |
October 15, 1992 |
I will not prescribe medication |
9F02 |
| 64 |
October 29, 1992 |
no gag |
9F04 |
| 65 |
November 03, 1992 |
I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge writes "I will try to raise a better child.") |
9F03 |
| 66 |
November 05, 1992 |
I will not teach others to fly |
9F05 |
| 67 |
November 12, 1992 |
I will not bring sheep to class |
9F06 |
| 68 |
November 19, 1992 |
A burp is not an answer |
9F07 |
| 69 |
December 03, 1992 |
Teacher is not a leper |
9F08 |
| 70 |
December 17, 1992 |
Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled.) |
9F09 |
| 71 |
January 14, 1993 |
I will not eat things for money |
9F10 |
| 72 |
January 21, 1993 |
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call |
9F11 |
| 73 |
February 04, 1993 |
The principal's toupée is not a frisbee |
9F12 |
| 74 |
February 11, 1993 |
I will not call the principal "spud head" |
9F13 |
| 75 |
February 18, 1993 |
Goldfish don't bounce |
9F14 |
| 76 |
March 11, 1993 |
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups |
9F15 |
| 77 |
April 01, 1993 |
No one is interested in my underpants |
9F17 |
| 78 |
April 15, 1993 |
I will not sell miracle cures |
9F16 |
| 79 |
April 29, 1993 |
I will return the seeing-eye dog |
9F18 |
| 80 |
May 06, 1993 |
I do not have diplomatic immunity |
9F20 |
| 81 |
May 13, 1993 |
I will not charge admission to the bathroom |
9F19 |
[edit] Season 5
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 82 |
September 30, 1993 |
I will never win an Emmy (Nine Emmy awards had been won by the show and cast by show's date) |
9F21 |
| 83 |
October 07, 1993 |
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy |
9F22 |
| 84 |
October 14, 1993 |
no gag |
1F02 |
| 85 |
October 21, 1993 |
no gag |
1F01 |
| 86 |
October 28, 1993 |
no gag |
1F04 |
| 87 |
November 04, 1993 |
no gag |
1F03 |
| 88 |
November 11, 1993 |
no gag |
1F05 |
| 89 |
November 18, 1993 |
no gag |
1F06 |
| 90 |
December 09, 1993 |
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy |
1F07 |
| 91 |
December 16, 1993 |
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause |
1F08 |
| 92 |
January 06, 1994 |
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers |
1F09 |
| 93 |
February 03, 1994 |
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man |
1F11 |
| 94 |
February 10, 1994 |
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle |
1F10 |
| 95 |
February 17, 1994 |
no gag |
1F12 |
| 96 |
February 24, 1994 |
no gag |
1F13 |
| 97 |
March 17, 1994 |
I am not delightfully saucy |
1F14 |
| 98 |
March 31, 1994 |
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals |
1F15 |
| 99 |
April 14, 1994 |
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan" |
1F16 |
| 100 |
April 28, 1994 |
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (100th episode) |
1F18 |
| 101 |
May 05, 1994 |
There are plenty of businesses like show business |
1F19 |
| 102 |
May 12, 1994 |
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball |
1F21 |
| 103 |
May 19, 1994 |
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun |
1F20 |
[edit] Season 6
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 104 |
September 04, 1994 |
Beans are neither a fruit nor musical |
1F22 |
| 105 |
September 11, 1994 |
No one is interested in my underpants (this is from 9F17) |
1F17 |
| 106 |
September 25, 1994 |
I will not use abbrev. |
2F33 |
| 107 |
October 02, 1994 |
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. |
2F01 |
| 108 |
October 09, 1994 |
no gag |
2F02 |
| 109 |
October 30, 1994 |
no gag |
2F03 |
| 110 |
November 06, 1994 |
I will not send lard through the mail |
2F04 |
| 111 |
November 13, 1994 |
I will not dissect things unless instructed |
2F05 |
| 112 |
November 27, 1994 |
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap |
2F06 |
| 113 |
December 04, 1994 |
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man (this is from 1F11) |
2F07 |
| 114 |
December 18, 1994 |
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough |
2F08 |
| 115 |
January 08, 1995 |
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal |
2F09 |
| 116 |
January 22, 1995 |
'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice |
2F10 |
| 117 |
February 05, 1995 |
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does |
2F11 |
| 118 |
February 12, 1995 |
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding |
2F12 |
| 119 |
February 19, 1995 |
I will not hang donuts on my person |
2F13 |
| 120 |
February 26, 1995 |
I will remember to take my medication |
2F14 |
| 121 |
March 05, 1995 |
no gag |
2F31 |
| 122 |
March 19, 1995 |
I will not strut around like I own the place |
2F15 |
| 123 |
April 09, 1995 |
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far |
2F18 |
| 124 |
April 16, 1995 |
I do not have power of attorney over first graders |
2F19 |
| 125 |
April 30, 1995 |
Nerve gas is not a toy |
2F32 |
| 126 |
May 07, 1995 |
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface |
2F21 |
| 127 |
May 14, 1995 |
The First Amendment does not cover burping |
2F22 |
| 128 |
May 21, 1995 |
This is not a clue... or is it? (part 1 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?") |
2F16 |
[edit] Season 7
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 129 |
September 17, 1995 |
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (part 2 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?") |
2F20 |
| 130 |
September 24, 1995 |
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism |
2F17 |
| 131 |
October 01, 1995 |
No one wants to hear from my armpits |
3F01 |
| 132 |
October 08, 1995 |
I am not a lean mean spitting machine |
3F02 |
| 133 |
October 15, 1995 |
The boys' room is not a water park |
3F03 |
| 134 |
October 29, 1995 |
no gag |
3F04 |
| 135 |
November 05, 1995 |
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage |
3F05 |
| 136 |
November 19, 1995 |
no gag |
3F06 |
| 137 |
November 26, 1995 |
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things |
3F08 |
| 138 |
December 03, 1995 |
I will only do this once a year ("The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular," a clip show) |
3F31 |
| 139 |
December 17, 1995 |
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist |
3F07 |
| 140 |
January 07, 1996 |
I am not certified to remove asbestos |
3F10 |
| 141 |
January 14, 1996 |
no gag |
3F09 |
| 142 |
February 04, 1996 |
no gag |
3F11 |
| 143 |
February 11, 1996 |
no gag |
3F12 |
| 144 |
February 18, 1996 |
no gag |
3F13 |
| 145 |
February 25, 1996 |
no gag |
3F14 |
| 146 |
March 17, 1996 |
no gag |
3F16 |
| 147 |
March 24, 1996 |
no gag |
3F15 |
| 148 |
March 31, 1996 |
no gag |
3F17 |
| 149 |
April 14, 1996 |
no gag |
3F18 |
| 150 |
April 28, 1996 |
no gag |
3F19 |
| 151 |
May 05, 1996 |
no gag |
3F20 |
| 152 |
May 19, 1996 |
no gag |
3F21 |
| 153 |
May 19, 1996 |
no gag |
3F22 |
[edit] Season 8
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 154 |
October 27, 1996 |
no gag |
4F02 |
| 155 |
November 03, 1996 |
I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten |
3F23 |
| 156 |
November 10, 1996 |
I am not my long-lost twin |
4F03 |
| 157 |
November 17, 1996 |
no gag |
4F05 |
| 158 |
November 24, 1996 |
no gag |
4F06 |
| 159 |
December 01, 1996 |
no gag |
4F04 |
| 160 |
December 15, 1996 |
no gag (But during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not be a snickerpuss.") |
4F01 |
| 161 |
December 29, 1996 |
no gag |
4F07 |
| 162 |
January 05, 1997 |
no gag |
3F24 |
| 163 |
January 12, 1997 |
The truth is not out there ("The Springfield Files," an X-Files parody episode) the screen types over and over no work and no play makes Jack a dull boy |
3G01 |
| 164 |
January 19, 1997 |
I am not licensed to do anything (referencing a James Bond movie) |
4F08 |
| 165 |
February 02, 1997 |
no gag |
4F10 |
| 166 |
February 07, 1997 |
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac |
3G03 |
| 167 |
February 09, 1997 |
no gag |
4F12 |
| 168 |
February 16, 1997 |
no gag |
4F11 |
| 169 |
February 23, 1997 |
no gag |
4F14 |
| 170 |
March 02, 1997 |
no gag |
4F13 |
| 171 |
March 16, 1997 |
no gag |
4F15 |
| 172 |
April 06, 1997 |
no gag |
4F09 |
| 173 |
April 13, 1997 |
A fire drill does not demand a fire |
4F16 |
| 174 |
April 20, 1997 |
no gag |
4F17 |
| 175 |
April 27, 1997 |
no gag |
4F18 |
| 176 |
May 04, 1997 |
no gag |
4F19 |
| 177 |
May 11, 1997 |
no gag |
4F20 |
| 178 |
May 18, 1997 |
no gag |
4F21 |
[edit] Season 9
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 179 |
September 21, 1997 |
no gag |
4F22 |
| 180 |
September 28, 1997 |
no gag |
4F23 |
| 181 |
October 19, 1997 |
I no longer want my MTV |
3G02 |
| 182 |
October 26, 1997 |
no gag |
5F02 |
| 183 |
November 02, 1997 |
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story |
5F01 |
| 184 |
November 09, 1997 |
I did not invent Irish dancing |
5F03 |
| 185 |
November 16, 1997 |
no gag |
5F04 |
| 186 |
November 23, 1997 |
I will not tease Fatty |
5F05 |
| 187 |
December 07, 1997 |
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" |
5F06 |
| 188 |
December 21, 1997 |
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related |
5F07 |
| 189 |
January 04, 1998 |
no gag |
5F24 |
| 190 |
January 11, 1998 |
no gag |
5F08 |
| 191 |
February 08, 1998 |
Shooting paintballs is not an art form |
5F23 |
| 192 |
February 15, 1998 |
no gag |
5F11 |
| 193 |
February 22, 1998 |
Pain is not the cleanser |
5F10 |
| 194 |
March 01, 1998 |
Silly string is not a nasal spray |
5F12 |
| 195 |
March 08, 1998 |
no gag |
4F24 |
| 196 |
March 22, 1998 |
I was told not to do this |
5F13 |
| 197 |
March 29, 1998 |
My butt does not deserve a website |
3G04 |
| 198 |
April 05, 1998 |
I will not demand what I'm worth (This is a reference to the voice cast's recent demands for higher pay.) |
5F14 |
| 199 |
April 19, 1998 |
no gag |
5F15 |
| 200 |
April 26, 1998 |
I will not mess with the opening credits (This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board.) |
5F09 |
| 201 |
May 03, 1998 |
no gag |
5F16 |
| 202 |
May 10, 1998 |
I am not the new Dalai Lama |
5F17 |
| 203 |
May 17, 1998 |
I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" (This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld".) |
5F18 |
[edit] Season 10
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 204 |
August 23, 1998 |
no gag |
5F20 |
| 205 |
September 20, 1998 |
I will not file frivolous lawsuits |
5F21 |
| 206 |
September 27, 1998 |
no gag |
5F22 |
| 207 |
October 25, 1998 |
The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.) |
AABF01 |
| 208 |
November 08, 1998 |
"butt.com" is not my E-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings. Butt.com still apeared in syndication, however.) |
5F19 |
| 209 |
November 15, 1998 |
No one cares what my definition of "is" is |
AABF02 |
| 210 |
November 22, 1998 |
I will not scream for ice cream |
AABF03 |
| 211 |
December 06, 1998 |
I am not a licensed hairstylist |
AABF04 |
| 212 |
December 20, 1998 |
"The President did it" is not an excuse (This aired a day after Bill Clinton was impeached) |
AABF05 |
| 213 |
January 10, 1999 |
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld |
AABF06 |
| 214 |
January 17, 1999 |
Sherri does not "got back" |
AABF07 |
| 215 |
January 31, 1999 |
I will not do "the dirty bird" (This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII, in which the Atlanta Falcons, for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played.) |
AABF08 |
| 216 |
February 07, 1999 |
No one cares about my sciatica |
AABF09 |
| 217 |
February 14, 1999 |
Hillbillies are people too |
AABF11 |
| 218 |
February 21, 1999 |
Grammar is not a time of waste |
AABF10 |
| 219 |
February 28, 1999 |
I do not have diplomatic immunity (Taken from 9F20) |
AABF12 |
| 220 |
March 28, 1999 |
It does not suck to be you (A reference to a Prozzäk song) |
AABF13 |
| 221 |
April 04, 1999 |
I cannot absolve sins (And during Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface using hieroglyphics where possible) |
AABF14 |
| 222 |
April 11, 1999 |
A trained ape could not teach gym |
AABF15 |
| 223 |
April 25, 1999 |
Loose teeth don't need my help |
AABF16 |
| 224 |
May 02, 1999 |
I have neither been there nor done that |
AABF17 |
| 225 |
May 09, 1999 |
No one wants to hear from my armpits (This is from 3F01) |
AABF18 |
| 226 |
May 16, 1999 |
I'm so very tired (At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons.) |
AABF20 |
[edit] Season 11
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 227 |
September 26, 1999 |
Fridays are not "pants optional" (In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be Pants off Friday.) |
AABF23 |
| 228 |
October 03, 1999 |
Pork is not a verb |
AABF22 |
| 229 |
October 24, 1999 |
I am not the last Don -- Possibly a reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna, voice of recurring Simpsons character Fat Tony. |
AABF21 |
| 230 |
October 31, 1999 |
no gag |
BABF01 |
| 231 |
November 07, 1999 |
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize |
AABF19 |
| 232 |
November 14, 1999 |
I won't not use no double negatives (this is actually a triple negative, making the phrase sensical) |
BABF02 |
| 233 |
November 21, 1999 |
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage |
BABF03 |
| 234 |
November 28, 1999 |
I can't see dead people |
BABF05 |
| 235 |
December 19, 1999 |
I will not sell my kidney on eBay |
BABF07 |
| 236 |
January 9, 2000 |
I will not create art from dung |
BABF04 |
| 237 |
January 16, 2000 |
I will stop phoning it in |
BABF06 |
| 238 |
January 23, 2000 |
Class clown is not a paid position |
BABF08 |
| 239 |
February 06, 2000 |
Substitute teachers are not scabs |
BABF09 |
| 240 |
February 13, 2000 |
My suspension was not mutual |
BABF10 |
| 241 |
February 20, 2000 |
A belch is not an oral report |
BABF11 |
| 242 |
February 27, 2000 |
Dodgeball stops at the gym door |
BABF12 |
| 243 |
March 19, 2000 |
Non-flammable is not a challenge |
BABF13 |
| 244 |
April 09, 2000 |
I was not touched "there" by an angel |
BABF14 |
| 245 |
April 30, 2000 |
I am not here on a fartball scholarship |
BABF16 |
| 246 |
May 07, 2000 |
I will not dance on anyone's grave |
BABF15 |
| 247 |
May 14, 2000 |
I cannot hire a substitute student |
BABF18 |
| 248 |
May 21, 2000 |
I will not obey the voices in my head |
BABF19 |
[edit] Season 12
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 249 |
November 01, 2000 |
no gag |
BABF21 |
| 250 |
November 05, 2000 |
I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs (aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election) |
BABF20 |
| 251 |
November 12, 2000 |
I will not surprise the incontinent |
BABF17 |
| 252 |
November 19, 2000 |
I am not the acting president (aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election) |
CABF01 |
| 253 |
November 26, 2000 |
I was not the sixth Beatle |
CABF04 |
| 254 |
December 03, 2000 |
I will only provide a urine sample when asked |
CABF02 |
| 255 |
December 10, 2000 |
The nurse is not dealing |
CABF03 |
| 256 |
December 17, 2000 |
Science class should not end in tragedy (During the episode, Skinner writes "I ain't not a dorkus") |
CABF06 |
| 257 |
January 07, 2001 |
Network TV is not dead |
BABF22 |
| 258 |
January 14, 2001 |
I will not "let the dogs out" (reference a song made popular by the Baha Men) |
CABF05 |
| 259 |
February 04, 2001 |
I will not hide the teacher's medication |
CABF08 |
| 260 |
February 11, 2001 |
I will not publish the principal's credit report |
CABF07 |
| 261 |
February 18, 2001 |
The hamster did not have a "full life" |
CABF10 |
| 262 |
February 25, 2001 |
I will not buy a presidential pardon (This refers to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy, involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office.) |
CABF12 |
| 263 |
March 04, 2001 |
"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap |
CABF09 |
| 264 |
March 11, 2001 |
I will not scare the vice president (a reference to VP Cheney's heart condition) |
CABF11 |
| 265 |
April 01, 2001 |
I will not flush evidence |
CABF13 |
| 266 |
April 29, 2001 |
Fire is not the cleanser |
CABF14 |
| 267 |
May 06, 2001 |
Genetics is not an excuse |
CABF15 |
| 268 |
May 13, 2001 |
Today is not Mothra's Day (This episode aired on Mother's Day.) |
CABF16 |
| 269 |
May 20, 2001 |
I should not be twenty-one by now (Referring to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years.) |
CABF17 |
[edit] Season 13
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 270 |
November 06, 2001 |
no gag |
CABF19 |
| 271 |
November 11, 2001 |
Nobody reads these anymore |
CABF22 |
| 272 |
November 18, 2001 |
A burp in a jar is not a science project |
CABF20 |
| 273 |
December 02, 2001 |
Fun does not have a size |
CABF18 |
| 274 |
December 09, 2001 |
I am not Charlie Brown on acid (reference to how critics described "South Park") |
CABF21 |
| 275 |
December 16, 2001 |
I do not have a cereal named after me (In fact, he did: "Bart Simpson Peanut Butter Chocolate Crunch". In the UK they released "Bart Simpson's No Problem-os) |
DABF02 |
| 276 |
January 06, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF01 |
| 277 |
January 20, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF03 |
| 278 |
January 27, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF05 |
| 279 |
February 10, 2002 |
I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers (A reference to his Butterfinger commercials) |
DABF04 |
| 280 |
February 17, 2002 |
The Giving Tree is not a chump |
DABF06 |
| 281 |
February 24, 2002 |
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project |
DABF07 |
| 282 |
March 10, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF09 |
| 283 |
March 17, 2002 |
Vampire is not a career choice |
DABF08 |
| 284 |
March 31, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF10 |
| 285 |
April 07, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF11 |
| 286 |
April 21, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF12 |
| 287 |
April 28, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF13 |
| 288 |
May 05, 2002 |
I will never lie about being cancelled again |
DABF14 |
| 289 |
May 12, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF15 |
| 290 |
May 19, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF16 |
| 291 |
May 22, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF17 |
[edit] Season 14
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 292 |
November 03, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF19 |
| 293 |
November 10, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF22 |
| 294 |
November 17, 2002 |
Fish do not like coffee |
DABF20 |
| 295 |
November 24, 2002 |
no gag |
DABF18 |
| 296 |
December 01, 2002 |
Milhouse did not test cootie positive |
DABF21 |
| 297 |
December 15, 2002 |
no gag |
EABF01 |
| 298 |
January 05, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF02 |
| 299 |
January 12, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF03 |
| 300 |
February 02, 2003 |
This school does not need a "regime change" (reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq) |
EABF04 |
| 301 |
February 09, 2003 |
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive |
EABF06 |
| 302 |
February 16, 2003 |
I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe.) |
EABF05 |
| 303 |
February 16, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF07 |
| 304 |
March 02, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF08 |
| 305 |
March 09, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF09 |
| 306 |
March 16, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF10 |
| 307 |
March 30, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF11 |
| 308 |
April 13, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF12 |
| 309 |
April 27, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF13 |
| 310 |
May 04, 2003 |
My pen is not a booger launcher |
EABF14 |
| 311 |
May 11, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF15 |
| 312 |
May 18, 2003 |
Sandwiches should not contain sand |
EABF16 |
| 313 |
May 18, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF17 |
[edit] Season 15
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 314 |
November 02, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF21 |
| 315 |
November 09, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF18 |
| 316 |
November 16, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF20 |
| 317 |
November 23, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF22 |
| 318 |
November 30, 2003 |
no gag |
EABF19 |
| 319 |
December 07, 2003 |
Over forty & single is not funny |
FABF01 |
| 320 |
December 14, 2003 |
no gag |
FABF02 |
| 321 |
January 04, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF03 |
| 322 |
January 11, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF04 |
| 323 |
January 25, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF05 |
| 324 |
February 08, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF06 |
| 325 |
February 15, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF07 |
| 326 |
February 22, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF09 |
| 327 |
March 14, 2004 |
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be |
FABF08 |
| 328 |
March 21, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF10 |
| 329 |
March 28, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF11 |
| 330 |
April 18, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF12 |
| 331 |
April 25, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF14 |
| 332 |
May 02, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF15 |
| 333 |
May 09, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF13 |
| 334 |
May 16, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF17 |
| 335 |
May 23, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF18 |
[edit] Season 16
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 336 |
November 07, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF23 |
| 337 |
November 14, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF20 |
| 338 |
November 21, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF19 |
| 339 |
December 05, 2004 |
Poking a dead raccoon is not research |
FABF22 |
| 340 |
December 12, 2004 |
no gag |
FABF21 |
| 341 |
January 16, 2005 |
no gag |
FABF16 |
| 342 |
January 30, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF01 |
| 343 |
February 06, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF02 |
| 344 |
February 13, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF03 |
| 345 |
February 20, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF04 |
| 346 |
March 06, 2005 |
Beer in a milk carton is not milk |
GABF05 |
| 347 |
March 13, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF06 |
| 348 |
March 20, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF07 |
| 349 |
April 03, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF08 |
| 350 |
April 17, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF12 |
| 351 |
May 01, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF10 |
| 352 |
May 01, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF11 |
| 353 |
May 08, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF13 |
| 354 |
May 08, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF14 |
| 355 |
May 15, 2005 |
A booger is not a bookmark |
GABF15 |
| 356 |
May 15, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF09 |
[edit] Season 17
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 357 |
September 11, 2005 |
Does any kid still do this anymore? (refers to the diminishing frequency of the chalkboard gag) |
GABF18 |
| 358 |
September 18, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF16 |
| 359 |
September 25, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF19 |
| 360 |
November 06, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF17 |
| 361 |
November 13, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF20 |
| 362 |
November 20, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF21 |
| 363 |
November 27, 2005 |
no gag |
GABF22 |
| 364 |
December 11, 2005 |
no gag |
HABF02 |
| 365 |
December 18, 2005 |
no gag |
HABF01 |
| 366 |
January 08, 2006 |
I am not smarter than the President |
HABF03 |
| 367 |
January 29, 2006 |
Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual |
HABF04 |
| 368 |
February 26, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF05 |
| 369 |
March 12, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF06 |
| 370 |
March 19, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF07 |
| 371 |
March 26, 2006 |
I will not laminate dog doo (The first airing of this episode included a special live action opening with 'I will not eat things for money' as the gag.) |
HABF08 |
| 372 |
April 02, 2006 |
I will not flip the classroom upside down (The classroom is flipped upside down.) |
HABF09 |
| 373 |
April 09, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF10 |
| 374 |
April 23, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF11 |
| 375 |
April 30, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF12 |
| 376 |
May 07, 2006 |
I will not leak the plot of the movie |
HABF13 |
| 377 |
May 14, 2006 |
Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French.") (Bart actually does speak French, having learned it during his time as an exchange student in France) |
HABF14 |
| 378 |
May 21, 2006 |
Have a great summer, everyone (last episode of the season) |
HABF16 |
[edit] Season 18
| # |
Airdate |
Gag |
Code |
| 379 |
September 10, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF15 |
| 380 |
September 17, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF18 |
| 381 |
September 24, 2006 |
no gag (But during the episode, Skinner writes "A baby beat me up") |
HABF20 |
| 382 |
November 5, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF17 |
| 383 |
November 12, 2006 |
We are not all naked under our clothes |
HABF21 |
| 384 |
November 19, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF19 |
| 385 |
November 26, 2006 |
no gag |
HABF22 |
| 386 |
December 10, 2006 |
no gag |
JABF02 |
| 387 |
December 17, 2006 |
Frankincense is not a monster |
JABF01 |
| 388 |
January 7, 2007 |
no gag |
JABF03 |
| 389 |
January 28, 2007 |
no gag |
JABF05 |
| 390 |
February 11, 2007 |
no gag |
JABF04 |
| 391 |
February 18, 2007 |
no gag (But during the episode, Bart writes "So long suckers") |
JABF07 |
[edit] References
