User:Schloegel
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[edit] David Schloegel
[edit] Current
David Schloegel currently resides in Grand Forks, North Dakota. He attends online college and is employed by locally owned Gilly's Bar and Grill in Grand Forks as the head kitchen manager.
[edit] Eat
At home, he enjoys eating such foods as; Totino's® CrispCrust Party Pizza, Kraft® Velveeta® Cheese, Schwan's® Itallian Style Meatballs and Land O'Lakes® 2% Reduced Fat Milk. He also enjoys microwavable White Castle burgers.
[edit] Life on the Open Road
Schloegel lived in several areas of the United States prior to settling North Dakota. Born in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota he moved shortly after; allegedly, after his father lost his job as a "higher-up" at the regional supermarket chain Red Owl®. After the event, the Schloegel family staked claims in Hot Springs, South Dakota for the follwing three years. The family next moved into the Ranch House Motel on Business Loop West in Jamestown, eventually upgrading to Western Park Village trailer park, and finally to their current residence at
609 2nd Ave Northwest Jamestown ND 58401. Map of Current Residence
In 2003 Schloegel recieved his high school diploma from Jamestown High School. In 2004 he began pursuing his post-secondary education at Moorehead State University of Minnesota before transferring to Jamestown College early 2004. He currenty attends the online campus of Northland Technical College of East Grand Forks, Minnesota to earn "Some type of Business or Art Degree".
[edit] Home
Schloegel was well known by many of his high school classmates for hosting absurd parties in his parent's basement apartment. "Dave's Basement" as it became to be known, was synomonous with underage drinking, pornography and binge eating. Many areas of the basement were overflowing with consumer products stored up "just in case" by his parents. In June of 2002, Schloegel was caught making self-love by his friends at his basement home. A handshake has since been created honoring the occasion.
[edit] Porn Party
During high school, Dave's basement hosted a porn party. Because all those who attended were under 18 at the time, one of Dave's friends with cable internet provided various horrible clips of pornography for the party. No good came of this party.
[edit] Interests and Hobbies
David Schloegel's current interests primarily lie in video game play. He is a dedicated Nintendo Fanboy and has patronized the company brand since childhood. Schloegel is credited with being one of the few people in the world who is able to play Nintendo Wii sporting games while sitting down. Schloegel is said to have recently downloaded every Super Nintendo game for his modified Xbox console and is hopeful of playing every one. His other interests include computers, although some consider him to be illiterate on the subject.
Television and Film are also passions. Among many favored cable television programs are ABC's Lost, NBC's The Office, Cartoon Network's Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and Fox's House. Other favorite shows are A&E's Dog the Bounty Hunter and The Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters.
Dave has many favorite movies of all genres, including an extensive interest and collection of anime, leading some to believe that he himself wishes to be Asian.
[edit] Fame
Schloegel has starred in many short films from Jamestown native and director Adam Isaak. His most notable screen appearance is titled "New Star Wars Kid Dave", which has received 900+ viewings on YouTube. Schloegel has also been featured in episodes of "The Dave Show", a series of short films meant to reveal his inner thoughts.
[edit] Family
Schloegel's parents both work and reside in Jamestown, North Dakota. His mother works at Dakota Clinic and his father is a manager at Hugo's Family Marketplace.
David Schloegel has one sibling, a sister named Elizabeth. She is often on the receiving end of many jokes about looking like David and having no friends. David had wishes for a younger brother, but once accepted his sister saying, "mom, dad, why couldn't you have had another boy? Well, I guess at least she looks like a boy". Many describe the resemblance as uncanny.
In 2006, a close relative of Schloegel's was convicted of murder in the first degree.
[edit] Pets
The Schloegel family has many pets, including two dogs and one cat. There was also a rabbit, however due to unfortunate events involving a bloody and vicious dog attack, the rabbit died.
The Schloegel pets are notorious for not being house broken. It wasn't until the death of the eldest dog and the purchase of a new, better replacement dog that the dogs became more house broken. The assumption to this day is that the younger dog trained the other dog. The cat, who lives in the basement, is not house broken and constantly vomits all over.
[edit] Mustache
In 2006, David began growing and sporting a mustache. Many people have since mistaken him for an older man, or the father of his friends.
[edit] Strange Infatuations
Schloegel drinks almost exclusively Diet Pepsi, a beverage he claims to have "gotten hooked on" after spending many summers with his grandparents in Northern Minnesota.
Dave and his entire family are addicted to Sam's Club shopping and mass quantity consumer whorish shopping. Despite their claims to the contrary, they are addicted to this lifestyle.
Schloegel also enjoys following along in the world of professional sports. His favorite teams are the Colorado Rockies, the Denver Nuggets, and the Denver Broncos, all Colorado sporting teams. He was particularly upset with the outcome of the 2006-2007 athletic season, after the San Fransisco 49ers beat the Denver Broncos to remove their rival football team from the playoffs. This upset came because his friend's favorite team is the 49ers and any success of the team was brushed off as a fluke by Schloegel, despite their superiority.
Schloegel is also infatuated with clipping his finger and toe nails onto the bathroom rug of his Grand Forks, ND apartment.
[edit] Schloegel Definition
Among his friends, the name 'Schloegel' has become a word to mean "not logical", "stupid", "lazy", "consumer whore" or "slow".
[edit] Transportation
David Schloegel cannot ride a bicycle, as he claims to have "forgotten". He often claims that he could ride while younger, but due to his family constantly moving, he was able to ride less and less, eventually "forgetting". This makes David Schloegel the only man on the planet to have forgotten how to ride a bicycle.
Dave was a late bloomer in obtaining his driver's license, which he had not done until well after he was 18. His parents allegedly withheld the proper documentation from him in order to prevent him from take the test, however this story has almost been proven wrong.
Because he had no license, he often required rides from his friends. He eventually used these good-will rides to run various other errands that were "on the way".
Dave currently drives a Plymouth Voyager, a van once owned by his grandfather and used by his family. Prior to this vehicle, he drove a 1988 Plymouth Grand Voyager, and older and considerably more dangerous van.
[edit] Night Life
Schloegel’s Night Life recently has been subject to much scrutiny. He spends many evenings alone, in the privacy of a converted utility closet where his personal computer is housed. Several of Schloegel’s friends have been said to try and stop this behavior, but have been unsuccessful as of yet. From January 2007 through early April 2007, Schloegel spent the early hours of every morning awake, with an overly energetic roommate, but he has since moved back to his prior home in Florida.
[edit] Love
David has had one serious relationship with "Stephanie", a girl from Moorehead State University. He met her online and was quite serious for a period of time, before he was tragically left for an interior decorating major named "Rance".
