User:Xiong
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[edit] Do NOT edit this page -- run, don't walk, to the exit
I've been very foolish. I saw several months ago that Wikipedia was overrun by children -- some grown, but still immature in mind -- some simply very young -- some frankly autistic and only marginally sane. I saw that the Community was in a tailspin, that the wise Old Heads had left long ago, and that the rats were running loose, chewing holes in everything and pissing in any corner they pleased. I left.
At that time, I thought nothing could be done at all, not by anybody. But I carelessly returned to comment on my departure -- an obviously foolish thing to do, of course. And I remarked that only Jimbo could possibly salvage the Project, and I didn't think he would. Then I realized I had not asked him directly; so intellectual honestly led me to do so.
His initial reply was promising, and I allowed myself to think there was hope after all. I rationalized my hope; I said it was not possible for all the wise heads to be gone so quickly. Certainly, it will be a long time before even a boatload of rats is able to destroy everything that has been built, so there is yet much good that can be salvaged. A strong stand, taken now, might just stem the tide of rising greed, self-aggrandizement, love of petty politics, ignorance, and stupidity.
What a silly man I am.
I don't know what Jimmy Wales is doing these days. He says he is still watching over Wikipedia; but if so, his hands must be tied; at least, I prefer that way of looking at the matter to thinking that he simply is unable to see how far matters have gotten out of hand. Perhaps he will step in and clean up; but I seriously doubt it. His replies to me have settled into a fairly predictable pattern of "Wow, that's really interesting; but I'm so busy these days." Fair enough; if I were in his shoes, I'd have sold out my every position long ago, and moved on. Hasn't Jimbo done enough?
I'm a professional -- sometimes I wonder what kind, since I have so very many skills, and I have yet to figure out how they all fit together. But I have been very highly paid to solve problems across a wide range of disciplines; it is not unusual for Somebody to say to me that I am the smartest person in the room, or that I have brought him or her actual enlightenment. I tend not to take these commendations seriously. I think of myself only as a man who knows a great many things, because he has spent all his life learning, with an open mind -- reading, talking and listening, and trying things with his own hands. If I have any special talents, I think it must only be that I have a very sticky memory; and that I'm able to make connections among the things I remember, no matter how far apart they may seem to others. Perhaps that is intelligence; I really don't know. I only know that I'm very, very much better at a large number of things than most people I've met -- and that there is another level of excellence in all these things, that is as far above my level as I am above an infant, finger-painting with his own shit. I don't feel smart.
But I do work very hard and very honestly, and I know for a fact that my solutions do work, because others tell me so and pay well for them, at least on occasion. They heed my suggestions and they use my tools, and they solve their problems, and they thank me for it, pay cash, and go on to do good work of their own.
I have put my mind, heart, and soul into this Project for several months now; I have given it my very best. I have not shunned the difficult, nor have I (for the most part) yielded to the temptation of personal amusement or self-promotion. I've never imagined my work to be perfect; in most cases, I thought I'd only made a good start, and I looked to others to continue to build on it -- this is a wiki, after all; my understanding was that collaboration was the key, that we worked together to improve, to create something better than any one of us could build on his own.
Instead, I have watched gibbering lunatics, spoiled children, and demons from a dark hell burn, loot, and shred not only my work, but that of other good people who blunder in here, hoping as I did to do a little good public service. I've stood here as I, and these others, have been humiliated, reviled, and insulted by individuals I would not cross the street to urinate upon if I saw their hair was on fire.
It's hard to be in business; competition is rough and expenses enormous. My daily work puts me under great stress, and -- unfortunately -- I must often compromise, making very difficult decisions about how much work I can actually afford to do for a given client, considering her budget and the time available. I'm not always happy -- indeed, I'm rarely satisfied with my own work, often spending far too much time perfecting a solution for a client who will not appreciate the refinement. I have little free time, and I should probably be spending all of that so-called free time looking for more clients. Such is the nature of business.
I do have to take some time every day to do work without compromise, purely good work, straight ahead achievement. Obviously, I can't do this to a schedule; I have to fit it in when and as I can. I used to look forward to contributing to Wikipedia and to WikiMedia Commons, knowing that whatever I added would be available not just to a small group (who might or might not have use for it), but to all humanity (of whom surely Somebody would benefit).
I certainly did not come here to add to my burden of stress. For a while, I suppose, I was fooling myself, thinking that once the marching morons had been beaten off, us thoughtful, serious types could go on with our work. But that's just wishful thinking. There aren't any serious people left here, or very few; and the morons are firmly in control.
I have discovered I cannot even upload a deck of playing card images to Commons without some fool coming along and crapping all over weeks of planning and hard work. I've spent the last few days walking around with a burning black ball of bile in my throat; I can't eat, sleep, or manage my business responsibly; I'm short, even nasty, with my family.
If I were willing to tolerate this kind of abuse for money, I'd be rich; there are always jobs for people willing to suffer high stress and rude indignity while quietly giving of their expertise. But I'm not; and I am damned if I will do it for no pay. If I thought there was the least chance of pulling this Community out of the behavioral sink it is spiraling into, I'd stick with it no matter the cost; but it's coming clear to me that there's no hope at all -- not from the New Fish, not from the Young Turks, not from the Old Heads, not from the Board and not from Jimbo. Anyone who ever thought something might be going wrong here, and that they ought to do something about that, left the building long ago
Time for me to join the wise ones.
