Captain Janks

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Thomas Cipriano, better known on The Howard Stern Show as Captain Janks, is known for prank calling live radio and television programs, especially during crises. Cipriano takes his nickname from the rank and name of his commanding officer in the U.S. Army. He first appeared when Howard began syndicating to Philadelphia, when he would call Stern's competition, local morning man John DeBella. Janks would send in tapes to the Stern Show of him telling DeBella that he was bald. Janks is considered a Wack Packer.

Janks has been pranking newscasts for over 15 years, yet is still able to get on the air. Janks explains that he's called newsrooms, given a fake name and position, and provided a call-back number with an illogical area code, and yet the newsroom has still called him back when they're ready to put him on the air. For example, in the Amtrak derailment call documented in the transcript below, had the program asked him to provide a call-back number, they might have been suspicious of a Maryland police official having a Pennsylvania area code. Sometimes the programs neglect to even ask for a call-back number, making it even easier for Janks to get on the air.

Cipriano dated the ex-wife of Philadelphia disc jockey John DeBella shortly before her suicide [1]. Cipriano currently works as an attendant at a gasoline station in North Wales, Pennsylvania.

[edit] Famous Prank Calls

Called Chris Matthews in 2003 during the height of the Iraq War during a battle to take over Saddam International Airport. He said the Iraqi people were asking for tapes of the Howard Stern show.

Claimed to be Coast Guard Lt. Ed Gaynor upon the disappearance of John Kennedy Jr.'s plane, fooling MSNBC's Soledad O'Brien. Janks told her that Howard Stern "thinks you're a whore".

During coverage of the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster on February 1, 2003, Janks fooled CBS's Dan Rather by saying he was a resident of Texas and that he had found debris the size of the teeth of Baba-Booey (Stern Show producer). Rather didn't immediately realize it was a prank call until Janks asked "You know you're an idiot, Dan?" at which point he was cut off.

Impersonated then-Philadelphia mayor Ed Rendell when pranking Rosie O'Donnell the day her show debuted in that city, saying "On behalf of all the citizens of the City of Brotherly Love...Howard Stern says you're a big fat pig!"

Pranked Dan Rather again by imitating CBS News general assignment reporter Jim Axelrod, who was embedded with the 3rd Infantry Division following the start of Operation Iraqi Freedom -- the report was actually broadcast on a bottom-screen scroll until it was discovered to be a prank and removed.

During coverage of the 2003 North American blackout, Janks posed as a city worker and asked CNN's Carol Costello "Would you bang Howard Stern?"

During coverage of a brush fire in San Diego, Janks posed as Mayor Dick Murphy, stating that three people were in custody in connection with the fires and that they were "caused by a blast of wind from Howard Stern's asshole."

During a news story on Iraq, Janks again called CNN, posing as Brigadier General Mark Hurtland. He asked anchor Daryn Kagan, "Would you bang Howard Stern?"

During coverage of Hurricane Charley, Janks called CNN posing as Gary Vickers, an official with the Florida State Emergency Center, and said there had been evacuations from Fort Myers all the way to Manatee County. He urged people to evacuate and not wait it out as Charley was a Category 4 hurricane and "a blast of wind from Howard Stern's ass."

During coverage of the Columbine disaster in Littleton, Colorado, Janks called KUSA-TV in Denver and posed as a hospital spokeswoman. Janks said, "So far it is 18 people that are critically injured. We don't know much more past that. We do know one thing; the gunman was Howard Stern. He was shooting up the whole school. It was ridiculous. He was angry because no one was watching his Saturday night television show."

Janks called in to ESPN posing as Steve Bartman, the Chicago Cubs fan infamous for the foul ball he caught that possibly cost the Cubs the World Series. Janks asked Dan Patrick "Do you like Howard Stern's butt cheese?"[2]

Janks called into Wolf Blitzer's The Situation Room on CNN on August 23, 2006, claimed to be Wendy Hutchens, and said that he/she had chatted about the death of JonBenet Ramsey with a suspect in her murder, John Mark Karr. When Blitzer asked, "When did the talk of JonBenet Ramsey begin?" Janks answered: "It started around September of 2001, when he told me that he knew more about the JonBenet Ramsey case than what anybody else had known - and that he was instructed to kill JonBenet by Howard Stern." [3]

Janks has made many calls to local Philadelphia TV stations. For instance, he called WPVI and was put on the air with anchor Mark Howard to advise him of a traffic problem on the Blue Route (I-476). He stated there were traffc jams because a truckload of Howard Stern's book Miss America was all over the highway. He also called WCAU's Homework Helpline posing as a young man who asked "What's the square root of Howard Stern's asshole?"

A transcript of a pranked newscast from July 30, 2002 follows.

Gregg Jarrett: (NBC chimes) We continue to follow the breaking news in Kensington, Maryland, ten miles roughly outside Washington, DC; just north. And joining us now on the telephone to talk a bit more about this Amtrak passenger train derailment, Lieutenant George Hyack, of the Kensington Police Department. Uh, Lieutenant, what can you tell us about any injuries or fatalities?

Janks: Well, of the six people who were injured, two were, uh, passed away about 15 minutes ago. They were tea-bagged by Howard Stern.

Gregg Jarrett: Can you tell us the nature of their injuries?

Janks: Yes, they were tea-bagged by Howard Stern, meaning balls on their chin.

Gregg Jarrett: I see. What can you tell us about the others who have been injured?

Janks: I can tell you that they all had Howard Stern's balls on their chin.

Gregg Jarrett: I'm getting reports that there are 60 people, up to 60 people injured, and that are being treated at area hospitals, or are on their way to area hospitals.

Janks: (sounding frustrated) Are you stupid or something?

Gregg Jarrett: Pardon me? ...All right, Lieutenant George Hyack, we seem to have lost him, of the Kensington Police Department.