User:Billysteam

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Contents 1 Preamble 2 Introduction 3 History 4 The Rules 5 Shermination 6 Girl panic 7 The SteamPowered.com Guide to Idiots 8 The Community 9 Demographics 10 The SteamPowered.com 2005 November Revolution 11 Moderator Abuse 12 Threads of note

[edit] Preamble

Your pathetic miserable life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent the programming of Steam. You are the entuality of an anomaly, which despite of mod's sincerest efforts have been unable to eliminate omhat is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision of whorss. Whi it rems a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measur of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.

[edit] Introduction

The SteamPowered forums are discussion boards about the Steam platform, a digital content delivery system for elite, right-handed gamers. It is well known throughout the Internet for its thoughtful debates. Some of the more intellectual debates are topics like "ninjas vs pirates", "VAC has banned me but I didn't cheat!", "left-handed peoples are enemy combatants," "Teh AWP sux", usually followed by "Ur mom sucks n00b" and the requesting of nude pics of Half-Life 2 characters Alyx, Dr. Mossman, G-Man and Doctor Kleiner.

Visit the SteamPowered forums here.

This article was made by SUF (Steam Users Forums) forumites. You can tell that just by reading the damn thing.

[edit] History

Invented in 1807, the Steampowered Forums were the first known, and for reasons very well known, the only known forums to be powered entirely by steam.

Tens of thousands of Albanian labourers were taken from their families to come to America and shovel the millions of pounds of coal needed to produce the steam that keeps the forums up and running. To this date, 4,927 Albanians have lost their lives maintaining the Steam forums, almost causing the extinction of the Albanian people.

However, new sources of power may be in reach for the forums that would limit the number of deaths. These sources include the actual burning of the Albanians themselves, who contain energy such a coal and could power the forums at a modest 100 Albanians-a-day.

Another source, developed by Ultima, was using a power generator that ran on pain and torment so that the forums would be self-powered.

The early basic of the forums, which the Steam forums were derived from, were developed on Uranus in 18,000 BC by the Plutonian hord and Reticulans. The forum had 9 members, all of which would post using stone tablets purchased by early human ancestors.

Donald Trump moderated the forums with Ultima until committing suicide over the delayed release of Half-life 2.

[edit] The Rules

1. Thou shall hail Ultima, supreme ruler of phobos.
2. Thou shalt advertise free iPods
3. Make sure your posts contain little or no coherence
4. Intelligent discussion is a bannable offense, don't risk it
5. Always, when in doubt, post various internet pictures that have been posted thousands of times before
6. Always say someone is an idiot, when opportunity knocks
7. Resist the absurd allure of democracy, and embrace your facist overlords
8. Thou shalt cry the sacred words of "n00b, omg hax, wtf rates and of course, wtf wheres the reg he's a sponge"
9. If a women is discovered, always oggle her and kiss her ass because talking to a babe online makes you less of a loser
10. If you're in a life threatening situation, never, I repeat, never ever, call/visit a doctor. Instead, make a new thread talking vaguely, and with horrible grammar, about what's happening to you, and ask for advice to the other forumites. This rule can be applied to any kind of problem you have, everybody knows the best advices are given in the Steam forums

Following these rules, you too can become a valued member of the steam forums. Remember, the more posts you have, the better you are!

[edit] Shermination

The arcane ritual of Shermination refers to the process of protesting your innocence against an account being disabled, before being promptly owned by Taylor Sherman. The ritual is now outlawed and is no longer praticed in public, but records of past rituals can be found through the equally abhored act of searching the Steam Forums archives. It is rumoured that the darkest Sherminations can only come to light when searched for with the blood of a thousand hackers.

• "Hl2 Stuff Won't Work": A textbook Shermination.
• "Account disabled.": Evidence linking Shermination with Communism.
• " Sorry Valve Im From Fired Chicken": Mentally deficient victims are the preferred choice for a successful ritual.
• "Steam comes through once again": Example of ritual victim attempting to resist. Carnage swiftly ensues.
• "Disable??????": Classic Shermination.

[edit] Girl panic

Steam forums are affected by periodic outbreaks of a strange form of mass hysteria known as 'girl panic' where forum members become aware that there may be girls among them, and are afraid they will become infected 'girlness' which is transmitted through keyboards and CRT monitors, this is why so many people now have LCD monitors to protect them from becoming women. The only known cure for being a girl is to ingest 8-12 patent leather boots followed by a short jog around the town of Cocksgag in Texas. This cure was found by Thomas Edison who became infected with girlness after having a telephone conversation with a carrier of the disease in 1863.

Whether or not girls really inhabit the forums or not is unknown, a few members have claimed to be girls, and pictures and even video footage has been proffered as evidence, however most experts have concluded that they actually depicted not a girl, but a shaved chimpanzee.

The alternative reaction to girls or suspected girls on the forums is that of dreamy-eyed lust, dribble-wet chins and 'LOL' responses to the most purile of posts or responses that would make any male forumite a veritable pariah had they posted them. The 'LOL' responses stem from the need to be acknowledged by a representative, any representative, real or imagined, of half of the worlds population that would never acknowledge their sad existences in the real world.

[edit] The SteamPowered.com Guide to Idiots

If you do/are any of these things, you're an idiot/future forum regular/moderator apprentice.

1. Have you forgotten your password? If not email to STEAMPOWEREDPASSWORDFAKETHING@RANDOMDOMAIN.COM usually these will be asked by random people through AIM,MSN,YAHOO, Or Friends network (Which incidentally never actually existed, it was meant to say "Buy Friends" but too many were processed it killed the word "Buy"
2. When "Taylor Shaman" working for "Value" added you to his friends list you immediately - and quite possibly without even being requested - sent him your Steam ID, Account name, Email address & password, birth certificate, passport, DNA sample, map of your genome and sister's hand in marriage. He immediately went offline to make sure your account won't be disabled within 30 minutes for multiple IP detection, but he'll be back in a jiffy.
3. Have you leant your username and password to your sibling? Good job, thats a great idea, well done. When you get banned, it wasn't your fault, you cannot read the subscriber agreement, you are a good sibling, ask your mummy she will agree. Hugs
4. Can you spell, "OWN", "JOO", "SUX", 1337 other such 21st Century works from our new century's version of Shakespeare or in this case "our old Billy"? If you can you are infact not an idiot
5. Posting, if you feel you want to post a suggestion about for instance Steam, posting in HALF-LIFE2 or COUNTER-STRIKE: SOURCE forum section, will usually find you many friends
6. Have you a "memory read error" "stuttering" other such incidents, DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT click "Support" that is clearly marked, that is a stupid idea, jeesh, infact PM Every person on the board, phone a minister, phone local police, everything that will annoy people, and then, post in HALFLIFE2, using a couple of exclamatives and such, all good ideas.
7. Install SPYWARE, ADWARE and MALWARE and blame Steam for it.
8. Never NEVER NEVER use Search function for questions, no one ever asks the same question twice its stupid if they did, no one answers them.
9. You are left-handed.
10. You are Newfgamer.
11. You a left-handed Newfgamer clone with an absurd fetish for silly little stovetop hats.

[edit] The Community

The community of SUF is, overall, a helpful and laid-back bunch. They can, however, commit obscene acts of alarming e-violence when provoked. Many times you will see intense fifty-page thread wars usually fueled by a barrage of namecalling, (usually outdated videogame slangs), or a game of CounterStrike(regardless of whether they can actually play, or even if they don't actually own the game). The victor (whoever is lucky enough to get the last post before the thread is locked) usually banishes his wailing and lamenting opponent to the Haven of Exiles.

Besides the insignificant 1.6 playing savages, the community continues to thrive in the relatively stable enclave of Off-Topic. National pride increases exponentionally daily, thanks to brilliantly abusive moderating which quickly crushes any left-handed dissenters, preventing the few from ruining the ignorant glee of the majority.

The SteamPowered Internet Forums continue to expand relentlessly through the Gore, consuming immense amounts of bandwidth. So much bandwidth has been consumed by this relentless imperial expansion that the Search feature had to be disabled for fear of it murdering our connection speed as it moronically attempted to search through trillions of gigabytes of spam. As a further anti-apocolyptic measure, the off-topic forum must be purged every two seconds by the forum's insanely dedicated Bandwidth Lackey(currently OuchTronx).

[edit] Demographics

Steam powered user forums is filled with breathtaking diversity, similar to the melting pot culture of the U.S.

Male: 101%

Female: -1%

ages 1-10: 1%

ages 11-16: 79%

ages 17-20: 15%

ages 20 and up: 5%

Miscellanious:

Actual gamers: 70%

Own cutting edge video cards: 10%

Lefties: 91%

Righties: You do the math...

[edit] The SteamPowered.com 2005 November Revolution

Although Stea of peace, spam, and pointless discussion, now and then something big happens. The combined energy of several hundred spammers can cause quite a stir, as was ber. Post counts are something that you do not take away. Tthere, in your profile, increasing in siz every day, ometimes addi a star or two. Post counts give people an unexplainabtch slashed our post counts down to zero by no longer counting our ts in the Of-Topicorum, (which is about 98% of most people's post counts) a revolutio started. Threads were create by the second, forum regu in secret online-conversations, and everyone's favourited Vtles got spammed to death (aww, bless him. BUT HE'S GONE!). After several hours of this decided that enough was enough: He posted that this hadalbeen an experihateverything was back to normal. The revolution lasted only for a few hours, and it counted a mere two casualties. The moderators finally stopped loads by the dozen, and everyone was happy again

Pictures live from the revolution:

[1] [2] [3] [4]

[edit] Moderator Abuse

The Steam forums have been very much known to be widely moderator-abused and over 2/3 of the moderators are highly abusive. Examples of popular abuse method include the locking of threads which don't please and/or amuse the moderators, the random removal of threads of which are too popularly posted in and that also have many pages to them, the banning of random members of the forums when the moderators are simply bored and have nothing better to do, or the worst of them all, harsh insults to anyone on the forums which they please because they know that they cannot do anything about it.

The most popular abusive moderators are Zips, TrippleD, and Better|Off|Dead.

In addition, the higher ranking moderators have recently developed a tendency to promote regular members of the forums to moderator status just because they amuse the moderators, regardless if they have any skills of enforcing rules of an online forum. A perfect example is the promotion of OuChTrOnX, who was just promoted because of his above-average firing skills in the action video game Day of Defeat: Source. On a side note, several members have confirmed that his extra skill in the game results all in his frequent use of cheats, especially aimbots.

[edit] Threads of note

• Cant reformat....freezer?
• sry 4 doublepost
• Wtf Is Up With My Sdk???
• Official "Who the devil are the models"
• I'm Going soo mad that I can't properly title my threads!"
• I get better mileage from your mother ={})
• I loaded up counter0stirke
• now what?
• I fell in the toilet!
• WTF Wheres paint?!
• How come people in canada cant see the moon?
• What is your air like?