Turn It Up (The Lifestyle)
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Turn It Up are the first words spoken on the Lynard Skynard classic song "Sweet Home Alabama" (also see Steel Train '87). They put a name on an emotion that has been felt by humans for as long as time has exsisted. Many people today are aware of the two biggest acts of "turning it up" that have ever happened.
The first took place in a little town on a little island. You see, in this city, they knew how to turn it up. The mayor knew this. There were times in this cities history where they turned that shit the fuck up to cataclysmic proportions. They had a room built in the center of the city for a one purpose. In the room there was a desk, a phone, a chair and a fire alarm type box on the wall. But it was not a fire alarm. When the mayor needed it turned up, he would call that room and inform the man to turn it up. One on particular day in 1945 the mayor gave that man a call. He said to go ahead and break the glass and pull the lever. So that man, whose name was Jirokani Shatasime headbutted the fuck out of that glass and pulled the fucking lever off the wall and BOOM! THE WHOLE FUCKING CITY EXPLODED AND EVERYONE TURNED IT UP SO HARD THEY ALL DIED. A few days later in another city, they did the exact same thing out of jealousy. Those cities names are Hiroshima and Nagasaki. There is a massive government cover up over what happened those two days. But not even they are the first documented turner-uppers, Ludwig van Beethoven, the famous composer, was known to turn it up day and night. His cronies would roll up and see him tearing up AND turning it up on the piano and they would say "Ludwig! Ye be thy most glorious ever! TURN THAT FUCKING SHIT UP!" A small fact about Beethoven was he wanted to turn it up real bad before he even left the womb that one day he tried to turn it up in his momma and he created a sonic boom in her fallopian tube which caused him to go deaf. But that sure as hell didn't stop him from turning up. Beethoven wasn't the first either. Dinosaurs used to turn it up all time back in the Jurassic era. The dinosaurs all died turning it up one day, they accidentally set off all the volcanoes on earth because they turned it up too much.
Mottoes
That's just a brief history of turn it up. Now we'll break it down into a few common motto's and levels of turning it up:
Kicking ass - It's what we do.
Hell yeah - It's what we are.
Turn it up - It's what we want.
People commonly believe that when you turn it up, thats it. You just turn it up and leave it there. No. Thats now how it works. They don't understand that to really turn it up, you have to keep your hand on the knob. The volume knob. Of the radio. The radio of life. Turning it up is like taking control. Example, on the airplane that got hijaked in midair by terrorists and then it crashed in the field, it wasn't because the people weanted to live. It was because they wanted to turn it up. They said "Fuck this shit." One guy acutally called his wife from the plane. I'm sure you THINK you heard the call, they played it on the news. What you DIDN'T hear, was that he called back a minute later and told her "Honey, I want you to listen carefully. Go into our room, and open closet. Get out my old CD's and find my Lynard Skynard cd. Good. Now put in the stereo and blast it loud as fuck. Put the phone in front of the speaker. Thanks, hon." That man listened to that song as he walked up the aisle of the plane. Every other man and cool person on the plane was like "HELL YEAH! TURN IT UP!" and the guy walking was like "NO SHIT! I AM!" and the terrorist were like "HABBLHA DADOODIE KINTASAH!" That mother fucker kicked in the fucking cabin door, grabbed the god damn steering wheel and pushed it all the way forward. When that plane hit the ground going 600+ mph, it was the fastest act of turning it up ever. EVER.
Levels
Not everytime it gets turned up do people die. There are four levels of turning it up.
1. Turn it up, Chill out
2. Turn it up, Kickin' ass
3. Turn it up, Hell yeah
4. Turn it up, turn it up
Kurt Cobaine
Now you might say "How are they any different? Don't they all turn it up?" and the answer is yes, they do all turn it up BUT, they do it all in different ways and what happens when its all the way up are different for each. People might be sitting in chairs, not talking for hours, and they are turning it up. That guy who stood in front fo tank with a bag of groceries in the 60's, he was turning it up, and he was just standing there. Kurt Cobain turned it up, kickin ass style, because that was his thing. Courtney Love didn't turn it up at all, ever, and was jealous so she killed Kurt.
Air Banding
A quick an easy way for many people to turn it up is to air band. It might seem corny at first, but air banding is a very natural and relaxing way of turning it up, and everyone can kinda do their own thing.
The Basics
First and foremost, the music. The music you choose to airband to is very very critical. You can't airband to N'sync. It is a fact. You need an actual band. One of the most popular bands to use is Boston. "Takin' my Time" is a very good song of their's to use, due to its solo's and breakdowns. Secondly, there needs to be 4 to 5 people that are going to airband and they need to have an instrument assigned to them before the song starts, so there is no confusion. Real life experience is a bonus. If a person is good at guitar in real life, they can override someone else who wants to play air guitar but doesn't know real guitar and so on.
Positioning
Where you air band is also very important. Obviously, the volume is going to have to be turned way up. A car can be a good place to air band, if it is a big car. But the driver cannot do much. Maybe keyboards for him. Sitting down is the preferred position for air banding. Standing is optional, but mainly reserved for solo's.
Finales
If the song chosen is a hardrockin' song and it has a huge elaborate ending, everyone in the Air Band needs to throw their instrument around and go nuts on the last few notes of the song. The whole air band should be sweaty by the time the music stops.
"B" Leaded
A favorite game to play by Turner Uppers, "B" Leaded is a simple and fun way to interact with other beings. The game begins with a mulitple magnetic lock. The magnetic lock is very important. It signifies the beginning of the game. The game shall continue until a press magnetically unlocks out of the game. It's pretty much the cheapest most futuristic game anyone can play.
The Basics
The way the game works, when a member of the game says a word that begins with the letter B, they have to immadiately say the word "leaded" after the B-word. If they fail to do so, other members of the game can hit the offender in the arm until they say leaded. Also, if there are mulitple B-words in one sentance, the speaker must say leaded for each individual B-word, they cannot just say it once at the end of the sentance.
Stipulations
There are certain conditions under which players cannot be hit for not saying leaded.
1. Lyrics - If there is an air band going on and a few members of the band are magnetically locked in and say a B-word as part of the lyrics of the song, they do not have to say leaded in the middle of the song. But, if someone is just talking during the song, and they say a B-word without saying leaded, they are fair game to be hit but, the song has to be paused so everyone can wail on that guy until he says leaded.
2. Other Languages - If a person playing the game says a B-word in another language, it still counts even if it isn't english and they are fair game to be hit.
3. Online Mode - If a person who is still locked in types a B-word to another active player on the Internet, that person can be hit the next time the two meet, until the offender spells out leaded, one letter at a time. This is the best way to get someone who forgot the game was on or is just being cocky and trying to out-smart the game.
