Kilmaine

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Kilmaine
Cill Mheáin

Location

WGS-84 (GPS) Coordinates:
53.5833° N 9.1167° W

Irish Grid Reference
M260598

Statistics

59 m

Population (2002)
- Town:
- Rural:

184
943

Kilmaine (Irish: Cill Mheáin) is a village in County Mayo, Ireland.

"Kilmaine", derived from the Irish language 'Cill Mheáin', means The Middle Church – 'Cill' is the word used in the Irish language for a church, and 'meán' is the Irish word for middle.

Kilmaine has a population of less than two hundred. The most famous resident, Martina Hughes, recently went up to the big smoke, where they use buses and dont cook mushrooms on ranges. They dont value their sheep up there as much as we do here. She's gallivanting every night of the week so if any of yee fellow Kilmaine-eens are anywhere near the big smoke, call into her. She's mostly found in Whelans, a mad crazy persons pub that doesnt play good old music by Joe Dolan and Big Tom.

The town was founded after a feud between the Sheridan and McDonagh clans in the late 20th Century. Legend has it that after an alcohol-fuelled night of passion down the Bowers between Jarlath "Ja Bed" McDonagh, son of local landowner and developer Lord Corn Rows, and impoverished servant girl Rosebud Geniveve Sheriballs, their illegitimate son, Squire Corn Raisin von Helsingborg founded a mainly agricultural settlement on the fertile banks of the River Robe. The town prospered initially, but following a outbreak of pubic lice, bladder infections, panic attacks and an uncontrollable infestation of the notorious corn weevil, the town fell on hard times.

The subsequent economic slump resulted in the River Robe running dry which had a drastic effect on local businesses, with practices such as McHales Agricultural Machinery and the Sheridan Physical Therapy Clinic declaring bankruptcy. Even heavy investment in Government-backed SSIA Accounts could not stave off this impending calamity.

However, all was not entirely bleak in the area. The nearby town of Ballinrobe provided weekend entertainment for the locals. The Valkenburg Hotel and its adjoining "niteclub", the Valk, was heavily frequented by the population of Kilmaine.

The hinterland is entirely rural, made up of farms and scattered houses. If your looking for the finest cup of tea in Mayo call into Nanna Hughes's house. The nearest town is Ballinrobe, and the closest small city is Galway, less than twenty kilometers away.

A historical incident took place between two rival landlords during the 18th Century- Brown (eventually Lord Kilmaine) and Miller.^{[citation needed]}