Talk:Lightbulb joke/Odd
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- The following discussions are an archived page. Please do not modify it.
Subsequent comments should be made in a new section. Too-odd-to-categorize variations
Many more lightbulb jokes can be found by a simple Google search. See main wikipedia lightbulb joke article.
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[edit] Too-odd-to-categorize variations
- A: I don't know... about four.
Bad jokes Tellers
- A: Oh... Er... Wait a minute, I don't know...
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- NOTE: This was written by an academic - yes now you do know someone who has written a (bad?) joke - to see how long it would take before the writer would hear it told back. It took 4 days and the person could not recall how they had heard it, even when an attempt to track it back was made; jokes appear to only have a 3-4 generation lifecycle, but this has not been confirmed. An interesting experiment. It can get groans or belly laughs, depending on how good the teller is, which is rather ironic!
- A: None. They don't have hands, and they didn't have light bulbs; someone just wanted to use the word "herm" in a joke.
- A: None, people who glow in the dark don't need lightbulbs.
- A: Ichi! ^_^;;
- A: Exactly one.
- A: One to blame the Alliance Defense Network, one to blame the People's Republic of the Pacific, one to lobby the UN, one to campaign for 'lightbulb sovereignty', and one to arrive, days later, and ask "What's all this about lightbulbs? What'd I miss?"
- A: Not many, if any! Not many, if any! Uh uh, uh uh, I don't know anybody.
- Refer to this article as to why these lines were used.
- A: Two. One to actually change it and the other to quote "and the power blows!"
- A: Billions and billions.
Self-reference — Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
- A: One, if it knows its own Gödel number.
- A: Any one of them could do it, they all had to take janitorial jobs to make up for their lousy hockey skills.
Youngman's Theorem — "There exists X such that the answer to the question 'How many members of the group X does it take to change a lightbulb' is 'One, but the member in question may need to stand on a chair or something.'"
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- See the Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg devised Lightbulb Exemption List
- A1: Just one: yours.
- A2: (For guys) One, and that's yours, provided she's screwing in YOUR lightbulb!
Werewolf Q: "How many lightbulbs does it take to change a werewolf?"
[edit] Animal
- A:Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs.
- A: Two, but it has to be a really big lightbulb.
- A-1: Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
- A-2: Just two, but it's a bugger of a job getting them in there.
- A: Only one, but you'll need a hell of a lot of lightbulbs.
- A-1: Only two, but nobody knows how they got in there...
- A-2: Two, if their genes have been spliced . . . they'll just keep trying every night.
- A-1: None, they are too concerned with nuts.
- A-1: None, there aren't any lightbulbs in africa.
- A-2: None, they have no time (being chased by tigers.)
[edit] Dog
- A: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
- A: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
- A: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
- A: Make me.
- A: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
- A: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
- A: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
- A: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.
- A: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb!
- A: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
- A: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.”
- A: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
- A: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…
- A: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
[edit] Still to Alphabetize
Q: "How many CAN members does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "All of them. One to change it, several to act extremely miserable for absolutely no actual reason, one to sneak out and use part of the approximate $5 million they earn a year for their own selfish purposes, two to torture some innocent autistic kids who don't deserve it, one to try to persuade a large company to sponsor them, and the rest to complain loudly and publicly that their kid will never be normal."
Q: "How many Tom Cruise's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A: "Don't be so glib, research it for crying out loud, read a book and find out how many."
Q: How many Dixie Chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None they'd claim to be ashamed of electricity
Q: "How many combinatorics specialists does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "5!/3!(5-3)! = 120/6*2 = 10"
Q: "How many classical geometers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "None, it can't be done using a compass and a ruler."
Q: "How many Corellians does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "Two; one to hold the bulb and the other to say "This is NOT gonna work!""
Q: "How many Go players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "None. The bulb is dead, they play elsewhere."
Q: "How many gods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A: "Two. One to hold in the lightbulb, another to spin the world around."
Q: "How many grues does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A: "None. Grues are terrified of light."
Q: - How many h4x0r5 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: - 1337
Q: How many installation artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One. And he'll get $50,000 for it.
Q: "How many Jessica Simpson s does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "Depends. Is it a lightbulb or a chicken?"
Q: "How many Dwayne Johnsons (aka The Rock ) s does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: IT DOESENT MATTER JABRONI!!!!
Q: "How many Matrixists does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "There is no lightbulb."
Q: "How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A: "One. Men will screw anything."
Q: How many Mermaids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hey stupid, don't you know water and electicity don't mix!
Q: "How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "Depends how high the ceiling is!"
Q: "How many punk rockers does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: "Four, one to screw it in and three to say how 'punk' it is."
Q: "How many rappers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "Not many, if any! Uh-uh, uh-uh, I don't know anybody!"
Q: "How many rock stars does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "Four: one to change the bulb, and three to complain that he did it to prove he's bigger than the band."
Q: "How many rudeboys does it take to change a lightbulb?"
A: "Four: One to drop it, and three to pick-it-up, pick-it-up, pick-it-up."
