Talk:Lightbulb joke/Philosophical
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Subsequent comments should be made in a new section. Philosophical, religious or political variations
Many Lightbulb jokes have Philosophical, religious or Political variations. Many more Philosophical, religious or politicallightbulb jokes can be found by a simple Google search. See main wikipedia lightbulb joke article.
[edit] Philosophical
- A-1: None. Feminists can't change anything.
- A-2: One, and that's not funny!!!
- A-3: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and one to berate any men who offer to help
- A-4: Three: One to screw in the lightbulb and two to discuss how the bulb is exploiting the socket.
- A-5: Eleven. One to change it and ten to form a support group.
- A-6: Two. One to change it, and one to suck my cock. See Misogyny.
- A-7: Seven: one to change the bulb, two to write a short story about it, and four to film the documentary.
- A-8: Six hundred and twenty-one. One to change the light bulb. One to write a folk song about it. Seven to form a support group. Twenty to carry picket signs blaming men for breaking the light bulb in the first place. Eight to write angry letters to the editor about the inequity of light bulb replacement duties. Five hundred to have a conference at which to argue about whether in a matriarchy the threads would be reversed. Seventy-five to boycott the conference because the lesbian separatist perspective was going to be under-represented. Five to do the sign-language interpretation. One to do the child-care. One to write the 100 page essay on how the bulb is violating the socket. One to secretly wish to be the socket. One to secretly wish to be the bulb.
- A: 1
- A: Just one ... but he has to wait for the entire world to revolve around him.
- A: Who the hell cares?
- A-1: In a Derridaist reading, wherein light is a social construct, there is a dialectic between Darkness as a reality and reality as a mode.
- A-2: One but the lightbulb must be upside down the plug.
- Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a Postmodernist?
- A: One to screw in the bulb and four to march through Washington protesting that the lightbulb has a constitutional right to choose when it wants to be lit.
- A-2: Two, one to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't exist before it was lit up."
- A: Six. Two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
- A: One and none, simultaneously.
- A-1: Fish.
- A-2: To get to the other side.
- A-3: Two: one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.
- A-4: Two: one to fill the bath tub with water, one to run a wire from the tub to the bulb.
- A-5: Three: one to change the bulb, one to hold the ladder.
- A-6: Three: one to hold the giraffe, one to rewire the fruit bowl and one to occupy a non-dimensional N-space.
- A: It's *NOT* funny.
- A-1: I don't know, but where do you get your protein?
- A-2: Two. One to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
- A-3: None, vegans can't change anything.
- Q: How many non-vegans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- A: None, they'd rather not see how their food is made.
[edit] Religious
- A: None. We don't believe in lightbulbs. God will provide light unto the world.
- A: "Change?!? Change? Why, my grandmother donated that light bulb and you want to change it?!"
Ayatollahs bulb?
- A: None; there were no lightbulbs in the 12th century.
- A-1: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
- A-2: Two. One to change it, and one one to call it the devil and say it’s secretly homosexual.
- A: None. God has already decided whether the bulb is destined for light or eternal darkness, and nothing we can do will change that.
- A1:Three, but they're really only One.
- A2:None; they use candles
- A: Only one. Hands are already in the air.
- A-1: 1,000,001: One to change it, one million to proclaim "I have seen the light! Alleluia!"
- A-2: None. Though we can facilitate the change, you must remember that light can only be redeemed by the Grace of God through his only son Jesus Christ.
- A-3: None. The original will eventually come back from the dead.
- A: Five. One to change the bulb, and another four to reminisce about how great the old one was.
- A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
- A: Who cares? They're in the dark if they change the bulb or not.
- A: What do you mean, "change"!?
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- Lubavichers
- A1: Three, one to screw it in and two to convince everyone else to do it too.
- A2: None, The light never went out.
- Lubavichers
-
- Satmarers
- A: Two, one to screw it in and another to denounce it as a Zionist plot.
- Satmarers
-
- Bratslavers
- A: Bratslavers don't replace lightbulbs, because they know they'll never find one as good as the old one.
- Bratslavers
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- Orthodox Jews
- A: Change?
- Orthodox Jews
-
- Conservative Jews
- A: Ten, one to change the lightbulb and the majority of the rest to determine that no change actually happened.
- Conservative Jews
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- Ba'alei Teshuvah
- A: You can do that?
- Ba'alei Teshuvah
-
- Jewish mothers
- A-1: None, I'll just sit here in the dark, and this pain I have - oy vey you should never know...
- (a similar punchline is also used for Welsh mothers)
- A-2: Don't worry about your mother. You go have a good time. I'll just sit here in the dark again. Alone.
- Jewish mothers
- A: One, to write a list of 95 things that's wrong with the lightbulb and nail it to the church door.
- A-1: CHANGE?!
- A-2: 11, one to screw in the lightbulb and 10 to plan the potluck afterwards.
- A-3: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
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- The Relief Society
- Four. One to fix refreshments. One to bring the tablecloth. One to design the Center Piece, And one to screw in the light bulb.
- The Relief Society
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- The Bishopric
- Forget it, they don't do light bulbs. They call a Priesthood Executive Council And delegate it to the Elders.
- The Bishopric
-
- The Elders
- Four. Three that don't show up, and One to change the bulb.
- High Priests
- Four. Two to push the wheel chairs. One to handle the oxygen tank, And one to screw in the light bulb.
- The Elders
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- The Home Teachers
- Two, But you have to wait until the end of the month.
- The Home Teachers
-
- The Aaronic Priesthood
- One. He holds the light bulb in the socket And the whole world revolves around him.
- The Aaronic Priesthood
- A: One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of
darkness.
- A: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
- A1: None; Quakers have the Inner Light.
- A2: Twelve: We must form a committee about it.
- A1: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb, and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
- A2: None. They prefer to understand the lightbulb's viewpoints and opinions rather than change them.
- A3: Only one. In our church, we have one lightbulb, but it shines through many windows (a reference to Forrest Church's sermon "One light, Many Windows")
- A1: A tree in a golden forest.
- A2: It takes only one Master to enlighten the young novice bulb.
- A3: Two. One to change and one not to change.
- A4: Four. One to change the bulb.
- A5: Four. One to change the bulb, one not to change the bulb, one to both change and not-change the bulb, and one to neither change nor not-change the bulb.
[edit] Political
- A: Two. One to screw it in, and another to declare it as a shining beacon of hope.
- A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?
- A: None. They're too stubborn to change anything.
- A: "As soon as we find one, we'll let you know."
- A: Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up.
- A-1: None, the free market will take care of it.
- A-2: Anyone but the government.
- A-1: The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
- A-2:The bulb cannot be changed — it has to be smashed.
- A-1: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously order an American lightbulb.
- A-2: They're all too busy selling newspapers.
- A: No amount of Thatcherites will do it, as it is up to the private sector to provide the finance for it.
Tory leaders
- A: Trick question: light bulbs last longer.
