Vital Information (All That)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 Lori Beth Denberg presenting Vital Information. |
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| Genre: | Sketch comedy Variety show Children's |
|---|---|
| Starring: | Lori Beth Denberg Danny Tamberelli Lil' JJ |
| Country: |  United States |
| Show: | All That |
| Network: | Nickelodeon |
| First aired: | December 24, 1994 |
| Last aired: | October 22, 2005 |
| Years: | 1994-2000, 2005 |
Vital Information was a well-known sketch on All That, a sketch-comedy show that aired on Nickelodeon from 1994 to 2005. The sketch revolved around a host sitting at a desk and presenting words of wisdom or reciting the lyrics to a song. The host would then add a humorous answer to the statement or take it in a completely different direction.
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[edit] History
The sketch began with Lori Beth Denberg as the host. The sketch had some similarities to Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live, but instead of reading news, Denberg sat at the desk offering up "vital information for your everyday life."
In 1999, Lori Beth Denberg left All That and she was succeeded by cast member Danny Tamberelli. He hosted until the end of season six when the entire cast was replaced.
The sketch lasted six seasons before being removed after the arrival of a completely new cast for Season 7. It was shortly revived during the tenth and final season, with featured player Lil' JJ as the host.
[edit] Hosts
- Lori Beth Denberg - Original host
- Danny Tamberelli - Hosted until the end of Season 6
- Lil' JJ - Hosted for a short time in Season 10 before its cancellation
[edit] Vitals from the show
Some of the vitals that were featured included:
- It's a bad idea to walk up to a policeman and say, "Oh Mr. Policeman, take me to prison, please!"[1]
- The people on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down. The people on the bus go up and down. Eventually, they throw up.[2] (a parody of the traditional children's song "The Wheels on the Bus")
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away (followed by her pelting a doctor with apples)
- If a dog asks you what your favorite color is, run like the wind, 'cause dogs ain't a spose to talk!" (sic)[3]
- This is no way to treat the world. (Followed by Lori Beth punching a globe)[4]
- One, two, buckle my shoe. Hey, buckle my shoe, I've got a show to do here! (Then a stagehand runs on stage and buckles Danny's shoe.)
- When it rains, it pours. When you have a nail in your eye, you say “AHHHHHH!”
- It's easy to milk a cow. It's hard to milk a hippie named Maurice.
- If your name is Stephen, and you have a turkey named Stefan, then come Thanksgiving you'll be Stephen Stuffin' Stefan!!
- It's not nice to knock Billy off a roof and scream, “Look Neighbors! It's Raining Billy!!”
- A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A bird in your pants could make it very uncomfortable.
- When it rains, it pours. When it snows, it's cold.
- If your grandma gives you a new sweater, it's wrong to wrap it around her neck and squeeze until she turns blue.
- If you can count to seventeen on one hand, then good luck finding gloves you seventeen-fingered freak!!
- Revenge is sweet. Not as sweet as ten pounds of sugar!!!
- Next time you're feeling sick, take a piece of ham and rub it all over your body. You won't feel any better, but you'll smell like ham!
- If you’re having trouble with your homework, don't go up to your teacher and say, “This homework is too hard. Now give me a big wet kiss!”
- It's good to invent a new soup called “Tasty Chicken Barley.” It's not good to invent a new soup called “Broken Glass Chowder.”
- If you're afraid that your grandma might get stolen, stick a lock up her dress and chain her to the fence.
- If your bra is too tight, it's uncomfortable. If you're a boy and your bra is too tight, I'm uncomfortable!
- If your teacher gives you an F, it is wrong to say "Well what do you expect moron! I didn't study!"
- Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder how on Earth this song became so popular.
- It's fun to play in the snow. It's less fun to play in a bathtub full of vomit
- If you are the President of the United States and you're watching me right now, then you need to quit watching Nickelodeon and go fix our country!
- If you're afraid of heights, don't climb a ladder. If you're afraid of marshmallows, don't climb a ladder made of marshmallows.
- If your mama has a deep voice and hair all over her back, YOUR MAMA'S A DUDE!
[edit] Trivia
- R&B singer Monica briefly hosted Vital Information when she was a musical guest. She delivered two vitals before Lori Beth Denberg returned to her desk, and quipped with:
If you steal my Vital Information bit, you had better be prepared to sing a song
and then introducing Monica before she was set to perform.
- Lori Beth Denberg returned to host during the live 100th episode of All That when Danny Tamberelli was struggling to make it to the show on time, a running gag throughout the episode.
