Esmé Squalor

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Esmé Squalor
A Series of Unfortunate Events character

Gender	Female
Hair color	Black
Age	Adult (pre-middle-aged)
Film actor	None
First appearance	The Ersatz Elevator
V.F.D. alliance	Villain side of the schism

Esmé Gigi Genevieve Squalor is a fictional character from the book series by Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events. She is the city's sixth-most-important financial advisor, and portrayed as an unpleasant woman. Her snobbish nature is clearly demonstrated by her obsession with what's fashionable — or, as she says, "in". This can be as innocuous as parsley soda or as inconvenient as elevators being "out", forcing visitors to walk up 66 floors to her penthouse apartment. When she adopts the Baudelaires (supposedly because orphans were "in" at the time) she lives with her husband Jerome in an impossibly enormous apartment penthouse on the 66th floor of 667 Dark Avenue.

Esmé's name is derived from the title of one of J.D. Salinger's Nine Stories, "For Esmé with Love and Squalor", and her husband takes his name from Salinger's full first name. It is one of Snicket's many literary and historical references in the series. 'Squalor' also means 'dirtiness' or 'unpleasantness' and is often used to describe the home of someone poor, another smart literary comment by Daniel Handler speaking of her wealthiness, but her poor and bad spirit.

Also note that J.D. Salinger's first and last initials are J.S., two recurring letters throughout the novels. (i.e. Jerome Squalor, Jacques Snicket, Justice Strauss, etc.)

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

While the Baudelaires are living with the Squalors, Esmé conspires with the series' arch villain, Count Olaf, while he is still in disguise as Gunther the auctioneer. After the "In Auction", during which Gunther/Olaf completes a complicated scheme to "launder" the kidnapping of the remaining Quagmire triplets, he drives away with her in his truck. Although the Baudelaires attempt to warn her of Gunther's true identity, she reveals that she knew all along, and that he was her acting teacher. Later, while staying in the Village of Fowl Devotees, the Baudelaires hear that the two are dating. More than Olaf's girlfriend, Esmé acts as one of his henchmen, though always within the limits of what's "in."

In The Hostile Hospital, Esmé was sent to destroy the Snicket File, which is one of the last remaining pieces of evidence that could have sent Count Olaf to jail. She was unable to claim the file, mainly because the authorities had removed it beforehand, but also because Klaus Baudelaire had page thirteen in his pocket. She was able to capture Violet Baudelaire, though she was rescued. Lemony Snicket also mentions that she and Mrs. Baudelaire met at a Thursday tea party.

In The Carnivorous Carnival, Esmé had a rivalry with Madame Lulu, shown by angry glances and the idea of tossing Lulu to the lions. In The Slippery Slope, the Baudelaires and Quigley Quagmire considered taking Esmé hostage in a plan to rescue Sunny Baudelaire, but canceled the plan because it was "too villainous".

Count Olaf holds Esmé in extremely high regard; she is the only one (besides Olaf) allowed in the front seat of his automobile, and was allowed to read the Snicket File when it fell into villainous hands. Esmé spoils Carmelita Spats, and "likes" Carmelita more than Olaf does, though she states haughtily to Geraldine Julienne that Carmelita is no daughter of hers in The Penultimate Peril

It is quite possible that Esmé was the "woman who turned out to be a spy" mentioned by Captain Widdershins when he was telling the Baudelaire children in The Grim Grotto who were among his former crew.

In The Penultimate Peril, Olaf and Esmé break up after fighting during the dramatic "harpoon gun" incident. Her outfit in the book is clearly the most outrageous one yet. She wears a "lettuce bikini" with silver sandals, silver lipstick, and has her name carved into her nails. At the end, it is not known whether Esmé escaped the fire at Hotel Denouement with Carmelita Spats, but the narrative suggests that even if she did, she never again met the Baudelaire children. She was on the 2nd floor when the Baudelaires last saw her.

In The End, Esmé is not present but her presence is felt; Olaf, disguising himself as Kit Snicket, wears Esmé's fire-dress from The Slippery Slope, and later mentions the loss of his "true love" as one of the many things that he has "lost too much to go on". However, it is possible that Olaf's "true love" is in fact Kit Snicket, not Esmé, the former who he kisses at the end of The End and is heavily implied to have had a romantic relationship with in the past.

In Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography, a transcript of a meeting held by V.F.D. Volunteers is attended by eleven members of the secret organization, and refers to them only by the first initial of their first name. Two people called O and E, both of which are unwelcome to the meeting, as voiced by many Volunteers, enter the building where the meeting is taking place and force the V.F.D. members to agree to their demands. The O may be Olaf, and the E may be Esmé.

In The Beatrice Letters, in the very first letter from Beatrice to Lemony Snicket, Beatrice writes, "...Perhaps you will also think I am someone else, and will make a suspicious note in the margin, accusing me of being some villainess or another....", and Lemony marks the margin of the letter with a E?, probably referring to Esmé. If this is true, then Esmé most likely survived the Hotel Denouement fire, as the time Beatrice is writing to her uncle is at least 9 or 10 years after the hotel's destruction, and Lemony Snicket, an intelligent and deductive man with the occupation of being a detective, should be most likely to know the current status of Esmé, which means that Lemony would have known Beatrice was not Esmé if Esmé was killed in the Hotel Denouement fire. Since Lemony suspects Beatrice to be Esmé, it is most likely assumed that Esmé is currently alive.

[edit] Outfits

Esmé has had a number of strange outfits including:

A pinstripe suit (The Ersatz Elevator)
Black boots, white gloves, and a motorcycle helmet (a Chief of Police outfit, as she was in disguise) (The Vile Village)
A purse in the shape of an eye, fur coat, veil, hat with feathers, and sharp pointed heel shoes (literally "stiletto heels") (The Hostile Hospital)
A long, white dress that says I HEART FREAKS, and a round hat with an angry face on it (The Carnivorous Carnival)
A dress designed to look like a fire (The Slippery Slope)
An octopus costume (The Grim Grotto)
Lettuce leaves worn in the fashion of a bikini, silver sandals, silver fingernails sharpened into E-S-M-É, and the last finger a V.F.D. eye, and binoculars (Her costume in this tome may be a direct reference to the Lettuce Ladies of PETA) (The Penultimate Peril)

[edit] Notes

Esmé's initials spell "EGGS".
Letters from The Unauthorized Autobiography suggest that she only married Jerome Squalor to gain entry into his penthouse apartment, which has a secret entryway into the Baudelaires' mansion.
She had acted before with Count Olaf in a modified version of the play The World is Quiet Here, replacing Beatrice after only one performance.
Esmé appeared in all the books from the Ersatz Elevator to the Penultimate Peril.

Preceded by Vice Principal Nero (The Austere Academy)	Guardian of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire	Succeeded by Village of Fowl Devotees, namely Hector (The Vile Village)