List of QI episodes (B series)

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This is a list of episodes of QI, the BBC comedy panel game television show hosted by Stephen Fry.

The first series started on 11 September 2003. Although most viewers did not notice at the time, all of the questions (with the exception of the final "general ignorance" round) were on subjects beginning with "a" (such as "arthropods", "Alans" and "astronomy"). A second series of 12 programmes started on 8 October 2004, with subjects beginning with the letter 'B' (except in two special episodes, one about music and one about colour). The C series started on 30 September 2005 and the D series started on 29 September 2006.

The dates in the lists are those of the BBC Two broadcasts. The episodes were also broadcast on BBC Four, generally a week earlier (as soon as one episode finished on BBC Two, the next was shown on BBC Four).

Disclaimer: Some facts stated during the series have since been found to be incorrect, in some cases due to a mistake and others by becoming outdated. Where possible these entries have been highlighted.

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details about the points scored by the participants follow.

1 B series (2004)
2 See also
3 External link

[edit] B series (2004)

[edit] Episode 1 "Colour"

Broadcast dates

8 October 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-22 points)
Bill Bailey (7 points) 4th appearance
Jo Brand (-20 points) 5th appearance
Sean Lock (17 points) 3rd appearance

Buzzers

Bill - The sound of a harmonica being blown
Sean - The sound of a melancholy guitar twang
Jo - The sound of a woman singing soulfully
Alan - The sound of a woman having an orgasm

Topics

The Ancient Greeks claimed the sky was bronze as they had no word for blue. (forfeit: blue)
Rainbows happen when the sun reflects off the back of a rain drop at 42 degrees
Urine used to be the third largest export from Newcastle after coal and beer – it was used as a dye
Crushed insects are used in food colouring: Red E120 (cochineal) is made from bugs (forfeit: beetles)

Tangent: the difference between bugs and beetles is that bugs have sucking mandibles

There are around 2000 coleopterists in the world, and 10 million different species of beetle – around two thirds of all insects are beetles

General ignorance

What rhymes with "orange" (forfeit: "nothing")
- Blorenge, a town in Wales
- Gorringe, a surname

Tangent: Stephen Fry's school's tailor, who was named Gorringe

What colour is Mars? (forfeit: "red")
- Brown
- Recent NASA images were tweaked using filters to make it appear red
What prevented Henry the 8th from marrying Lord Pembroke? (forfeit: "gay marriages were illegal")
- Nothing – Lord Pembroke was Anne Boleyn
There are no green mammals
In ancient Greece dildos were made from bread

[edit] Episode 2 "Birds"

Broadcast date

15 October 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-40 points)
Jo Brand (-8 points) 6th appearance
Rich Hall (Winner with 3 points) 4th appearance
Phil Kay (1 point) 1st appearance

Task

At the start the panel were asked to draw a kiwi, paying particular attention to the position of the nostrils. Alan correctly drew its nostrils at the end of the beak.

Topics

David Livingstone couldn't distinguish between the roar of an ostrich and the roar of a lion.

Tangent: Johnny Cash was attacked ferociously by an ostrich.

The tongue of a woodpecker can extend to 2/3rds of its body-length, and has an ear at the end of it.
Since they have only 20-30 taste-buds, birds can't distinguish the taste of chocolate, which is toxic to them anyway.

Tangent: The lethal dose of chocolate for a human is about 22lbs

Tangent: Fry once kicked a hamster-ball through a friend's window. The rodent survived.

Skin, the largest organ in the body, weighs 6lbs and covers 18 square feet on average. A person will get through around 900 'skins' in a lifetime. (Forfeit: Speak for yourself.)
Sperm can 'smell' the aroma of lily of the valley.
Chang and Eng Bunker were Siamese twins. Chang was once convicted of general assault on a member of the audience during one of the twins' variety acts. However, the judge in the case could not hold Eng in prison as well, so he set them both free.

General ignorance

The loudest thing in the ocean is a "shrimp layer" (Forfeit: Blue Whale)
Statistically in the UK, one is more likely to be killed by an asteroid than by lightning.
Camels originated from the continent of America, 20 million years ago. (Forfeits: Asia, Africa)
Despite being pink, the Flamingo eats blue-green algae. (Forfeit: shrimp)

[edit] Episode 3

Broadcast date

22 October 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-4 points)
Clive Anderson (1 points) 3rd appearance
Rich Hall (2 points) 5th appearance
Phill Jupitus (Winner with 4 points) 2nd appearance

Topics

In World War II the American forces planned to equip Mexican free-tail bats with napalm-filled 'waistcoats' so they could blow up Japanese towns. In testing, however, the wind changed and the bats instead flamed a US army base.
Zeppo Marx contributed to the design of release clamps used to hold the Hiroshima bomb inside the Enola Gay
Russian forces trained dogs with bombs attached to hide under tanks in order to blow them up.
The first postcard sent from Antarctica featured a penguin being serenaded by a bagpiper.

Tangent: 50% of bagpipers suffer from RSI

The common name for Ursus arctos is grizzly bear. (Forfeit: Polar bear)

Tangent: Arctos is from the ancient Greek word for bear. The Arctic region gets its name from the constellations of the Great Bear and Little Bear.

Polar bears do not disguise themselves by covering their noses!

General Ignorance

Is this a rhetorical question? (No!)
Technically there are only 46 states in the USA, because Kentucky, Virginia, Pennsylvania and Massachusetts are commonwealths. (Forfeit: 50)

Tangent: Hawaii is the only state not to have a straight line along one of its borders.

During World War II, the only six Americans to lose their lives on home soil did so on a church picnic in Bly, Oregon. They were killed by Japanese fugos - balloon bombs.

Tangent: Not to be confused with the Fugu fish.

Tangent: 800 Americans die in a McDonald's every year.

Penguins will live near the magnetic north pole in the event of a magnetic pole shift.

Tangent: Polar bears and penguins never meet in the wild.

The Boy Scout salute is almost identical to that of the Polish army.

[edit] Episode 4

Broadcast date

29 October 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-6 points)
Jeremy Clarkson (Winner with 5 points) 1st appearance
Barry Cryer (-6 points) 1st and only appearance
Jeremy Hardy (3 points) 4th appearance

Topics

There are only 15 professional ventriloquists left in Britain.

Tangent: There are 280,000 heroin addicts in Britain, 10,000 practising Druids and 50,000 practitioners of alternative medicine.

Tangent: The rulebook for Dutch prostitutes is about an inch thick.

A Birmingham screwdriver is slang for a hammer. (Forfeit: a drink)
The kingdom of Bhutan, having no television or cars, has the least use for Jeremy Clarkson.

Tangent: India has no speed limits, and every car bought there will be involved in a fatal road accident within 5 years.

Tangent: Britain and Finland are the only two democracies to have declared war on each other.

According to the book of Leviticus, Jews are permitted to eat grasshoppers but not cuckoos, ferrets or camels
Leaders of Russia have alternated between being hairy and bald

General ignorance

The English Civil War resulted in the highest proportion of British soldiers dying (85,000 on the battlefield, another 100,000 of wounds subsequently - 10% of the adult population)

Tangent: 90% of British people cannot name a battle in the English Civil War, 80% do not know which English king was executed by Parliament, and 67% of schoolchildren have never heard of Oliver Cromwell.

Less than 0.02% of the Earth is water. (Forfeit: two-thirds)
Andy Warhol always wore green underwear.
Robert Burns never wore a kilt, since kilt-wearing was illegal at the time.

[edit] Episode 5

Broadcast date

5 November 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-35 points)
Bill Bailey (-5 points) 5th appearance
Jo Brand (8 points) 7th appearance
Jimmy Carr (Winner with 15 points) 2nd appearance

Tasks

The panel's "QI Brainteaser" was to make interesting phrases from a collection of fridge-magnet letters. Answers included:
- QI Is A Queer Idea (Stephen)
- Quim (Jo)
- Vagina Doom (Alan)
- Fox (Alan)
- I Love A Fryup (Jo)
- Frodo Lap Shame (Bill)
- Sit Look Rub Panda (Alan)
- Put Smarties Tubes On Cats Legs Make Them Walk Like A Robot (Jimmy)
- Gay Elf Romp (Bill)
- Tiberius Can Look Mad (Alan)
- Oh Bum (Jo)

Topics

Koalas make a kind of soup from their faeces for their young.

Tangent: Wombats have cubical faeces.

Bears do not defaecate anywhere in the winter, since it's during hibernation (Forfeit: In the woods)
Toothpaste makes bears go crazy with desire
The animal with huge teeth and only one facial expression is the Giant Panda. (Forfeit: Janet Street-Porter)

Tangent: A panda's penis points backwards

Bamboo has a tensile strength greater than steel and can grow up to 4 foot a day. It is also a grass.
Thomas Edison believed that 15 tiny people lived within the human mind. He did not invent the light bulb, although one of his letters contains the first written reference of the word hello.

Tangent: Due to government regulations, Stephen Fry will probably be the last official pipe-smoker of the year.

General Ignorance

Dinosaurs beginning with 'b' include the brachiosaurus, Barney and the bambiraptor. (Forfeit: brontosaurus)
Mike the Headless Chicken lived for two years without a head.
Penicillin was discovered by Ernest Duchesne. (Forfeit: Alexander Fleming)
Arthur Conan Doyle played in goal for Portsmouth, Niels Bohr played for the University of Copenhagen 1sts soccer team, Albert Camus was goalkeeper for the University of Algiers team, but Shostakovich was a qualified soccer referee.

[edit] Episode 6

Broadcast date

12 November 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-18 points)
Bill Bailey (6 points) 6th appearance
Sean Lock (-18 points) 4th appearance
Anneka Rice (Winner with 7 points) 1st and only appearance

Topics

The Pope could eat beaver on a Friday as it is designated as a fish

Tangent: Beavers excrete castorium, which is used to make aspirin

If aliens were looking to abduct Earth's most successful inhabitants, they would look to bacteria. There are 40,000 species in a gram of soil

Tangent: There is a named phoebia of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth (Arachibutyrophobia)

Tangent: Every phobia has an opposite philia (a love of something, e.g. arachnophilia is the love of spiders)

Bulges: In the Battle of the Bulge, the 'stomach division' were the soldiers with illnesses not deemed severe enough to prevent them fighting in battle

Tangent: German for diarrhoea = Durchfall literally "through fall"

Tangent: At one Paralympics the Spanish national basketball team pretended to be mentally ill so they could compete. They won the gold medal.

The Earth bulges by up to 20cm twice a day.

Tangent: To explain to Alan how the Moon causes the tides

General ignorance

The Earth has either 1 or 5 moons. (Forfeit: Two) Since the discovery of 3753 Cruithne in 1997, three more 'moons' have been discovered: (54509) 2000 PH₅, (85770) 1998 UP₁ and 2002 AA₂₉. (If Cruithne is classed as a moon, then so must the others. Otherwise, Earth only has one moon.)

Tangent: No evidence of lunacy being related to the full Moon

Since 2003, only 11 points are required to win at table tennis. (Forfeit: 21 points)
Also in 2003, the regulation size of a table tennis ball was increased to make it slower and easier to watch on television
A kangaroo has three vaginas, but only two wombs.

Tangent: The clitoris is the only organ designed purely for pleasure

Julius Caesar was not born by caesarean section. (Forfeit: he was) The phrase is derived from the Latin word for cut.

Tangent: Roman statues' eyes are blank because they were later painted

Tangent: Most common death row prisoner's last meal : Cheeseburger, Fries and Coke (A Happy Meal)

There are no offence for which you can be put to death in the UK. (Forfeits: Arson in the royal dockyards, treason)
Dead bodies are eaten by bacteria. (Forfeit: Worms)

[edit] Episode 7

Broadcast date

19 November 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-20 points)
Rich Hall (2 points) 6th appearance
Dara Ó Briain (Winner with 4 points - however, on his second appearance it was discovered that he should not have won because of his statement about water's triple point below, and as a forfeit had points deducted from his score on the second show to make up for his win on this show) 1st appearance
Arthur Smith (-18 points) 1st appearance

Topics

If someone said that the British Empire was built on diarrhoea, they'd be talking rubbish as no-one suffered from diarrhoea during the reign of the British Empire.
Ballet is illegal in Turkmenistan.

Tangent: The President of Turkmenistan has his face on every yoghurt pot in the country.

Digestive biscuits aren't an aid to digestion.

Tangent: Digestives were called digestive because they were said to be anti-flatulent.

The difference between a cake and a biscuit is that when they go stale, a cake goes hard and a biscuit goes soft.

Tangent: The Duke of Devonshire had two pastry chefs, one just for making biscuits

Straight roads were invented in the Iron Age. (Forfeit: By the Romans)

General ignorance

A group of baboons is called a congress.
Aardvarks have the most bones in their noses. (Forfeit: Elephants)
According to Anders Celsius, the boiling point of water is 0°C. (Forfeit: 100°C).

Tangent: The triple point of water is 0°C (that's when water is in all three states (gas, liquid and solid) may coexist in thermodynamic equilibrium (This was later found to be false)).

Mussolini made a train carrying himself from Milan to Rome run on time so he could become Prime Minister. (Forfeit: He made every train run on time).
Nelson never wore an eyepatch. (Forfeit: It was on his right eye).

Tangent: Only in Ladybird Books, did he wear an eyepatch.

[edit] Episode 8

Broadcast date

26 November 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-19 points)
Rich Hall (Winner with 5 points) 7th appearance
Jo Brand (-8 points) 8th appearance
Fred MacAulay (4 points) 1st and only appearance

Topics

Bees discovered that the world was round, as they used the Sun as a radar to find nectar.

Tangent: If you put a magnet next to a honeycomb, it becomes cylindrical.

Tangent: Out of all the bees in the world, only the honey bee dies, when it stings you, but wasps are more likely to die after stinging you.

Tangent: The lifetime of 12 bees, makes a tablespoon of honey.

Bees buzz because they control their breathing through 14 valves on their body known as spiracles. (Forfeit: Their wings make the buzzing).
Barnacles were thought to be the embryos of a Barnacle Goose.
Nelson inspired his men after he died by asking them to store his body in brandy on the journey back from Cape Trafalgar to Portsmouth.
Male anglerfish are deemed to be pathetic compared to their female counterparts, because they are 6 times smaller and after latching on to the female while mating, they disappear until their testes were left on the female's body.
Chicken tikka masala was invented in Glasgow and it glows in the dark, thanks to a company called Biolume, who have created a chemical that makes food glow in the dark.
It's possible to live in Mexico and not get complaints from your neighbours about eating Smut, a fungus that is grown there.

General ignorance

A cup of coffee contain 3 times more caffeine than a cup of tea. (Forfeit: A cup of tea has more caffeine than a cup of coffee).
The only ball game completely invented in the United States is basketball. (Forfeit: Baseball)
Nelson's last words were "Drink, drink, fan, fan, rub, rub!" This was a request to alleviate his symptoms of thirst, heat, and the pains of his wounds from battle. (Forfeit: Kismet Hardy)

[edit] Episode 9

Broadcast dates

3 December 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-72 points)
Rich Hall (Joint Winner With 4 points) 8th appearance
Josie Lawrence (Joint Winner With 4 points) 1st and only appearance
John Sessions (-14 points) 3rd appearance

Buzzers

Rich - The sound of a cow bell
John - The sound of a bicycle bell
Josie - The sound of a small tea bell
Alan - The sound of Leslie Phillips' "Well, hello! Ding-dong!"

Topics

Moth larvae eat clothes. (Forfeit: moths)

Tangent: Leopards take their dead prey up a tree and leave it for days, often returning and eating the rotting animal carcass

Butterflies are an evolution from moths – they came out during the daytime to avoid being eaten by bats (see also difference between a butterfly and a moth)
Bats use sonar, shown in an experiment using bells: a pitch black room with bells hung from the ceiling and bats flying around created no noise, but owls did run into the bells.
Batology is the study of brambles and blackberries, chiroptology is the study of bats.
Batophobia is the fear of being close to tall buildings. (forfeit: fear of blackberries)
Battology means pointlessly repeating the same thing over again.
In Sweden on 1 January 1994 there was the same number of 8 year old girls (112,521) as there were 9 year old girls on 1 January 1995, with no migration or death.
The biggest tourist attraction in Canada between 1934 and 1943 was the Dionne quintuplets. (Forfeit: Niagara Falls).
In the first recorded Olympic Games in 776 BC, the only event was the 192m (600 ft) sprint, which was won by Koroibos (Forfeit: discus throw, javelin throw, the hammer throw or the 200 metres)
The length of the marathon (26 miles) was dictated by the one run at 1908 Olympic Games

General ignorance

First modern Olympic Games were held in 1850 in Much Wenlock, Shropshire, England and arranged by William Penny Brookes (Forfeit: Athens, Greece)
Charles XIV John of Sweden had a tattoo saying "Death to kings"
Harald I of Denmark was the source of the name of Bluetooth technology
St. Bernard dogs carried barrels of milk. (Forfeit: Brandy)

[edit] Episode 10

Broadcast date

10 December 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-26 points)
Phil Kay (0 points) 2nd appearance
Clive Anderson (Winner with 1 point) 4th appearance
John Sessions (-10 points) 4th appearance

Buzzers

Clive - A ruler being twanged
Phil - A mobile phone tune
John - An enthusiastic schoolboy saying "Ooh, sir, please sir, I know!"
Alan - A toilet flushing

Task

A "Draw A Wigwam Contest", was staged but everyone accidentally drew teepees instead of a wigwam (except Clive Anderson, who twisted the competition by drawing the pop group Wham! wearing wigs).

Topics

There are over 200 folk names for a pansy, including "meet me in the buttery" and "pink of my John".
Bottomry is when the master of a ship borrows money upon the bottom or keel of it, so as to forfeit the ship itself to the creditor, if the money is not paid at the time appointed with interest at the ship's safe return.
Buffalo Bill did nothing with buffaloes, because buffaloes in America are actually bison.
Sitting Bull's real name was Jumping Badger. He inherited the name "Sitting Bull" from his his father when he was a teenager.
The BBC paid Hilda Wright 3 guineas for the 3 radio programmes of the Flower Pot Men.

Tangent: Flobbadob (the language used by the Flower Pot Men) was named because it sounded like a fart in a bath.

Billy the Kid and Ben-Hur are connected to Lew Wallace. He signed Billy the Kid's death warrant while he was Governor of New Mexico and wrote Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ.

Tangent: When John Sessions met Robert Redford at the Sundance Film Festival, he mentioned to him that The Sundance Kid was Welsh.

As you go upstairs in a tall building, your thoughts in your head go faster.
The best floor of a building to throw a cat out of a window would be anything higher than the 7th floor.

Tangent: The story of a Shropshire man who catapults dead cows.

General ignorance

The commonest material in the world is Perovskite. (Forfeit: Oxygen, Water)
In 63 AD, Pompeii was destroyed by an earthquake.
Roman Emperors ordered gladiators' deaths by putting their thumbs up. (Forfeit: Thumbs down)
The organization that the Americans fought in the Vietnam War was the Việt Minh. (Forfeit: Việt Cộng)

Tangent: In Denmark, King Kong is known as Kong King.

[edit] Episode 11 "Music"

Broadcast date

17 December 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-13 points)
Sean Lock (-8 points) 5th appearance
Linda Smith (Winner with 2 points) 3rd and final appearance
Mark Gatiss (-4 points) 1st and only appearance

Buzzers

Sean - The first four notes of Beethoven's "Fifth Symphony"
Mark - A selection from Handel's "Water Music"
Linda - A selection from Vivaldi's "Spring"
Alan - The final two bars of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", slowly, on a glockenspiel

Topics

Snakes prefer to look at musical instruments, since they have no ears.
Sheep's guts are used for making violin strings. (Forfeit: Cat guts)

Tangent: Morphic resonance

Spiders like listening to classical music, according to research at the Ohio University.

Tangent: Huntsman spiders are the only spiders with lungs.

Tangent: Tesco music - a mix of techno and disco music.

Spider webs after the spider has had caffeine, LSD and marijuana.
- LSD - more geometrical
- Caffeine - all over the place
- Marijuana - slightly inbetween the other two
Monday makes you think of the colour blue.
The chord D major makes you think of a very bright yellow colour.
Synesthesia is a term created by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov, which is when you think of a colour when you hear a sound.
In 1988, Warner Communications paid $28,000,000 for the rights to the song Happy Birthday To You.
Mike Batt's worst compilation was the song "A 1 Minute Silence" , which he stole from John Cage's notable record 4′33″, which is total silence.
During a news bulletin on Good Friday in the year 1930, there was no news, so the presenter played some music for a period of 10 minutes.

General ignorance

A sheet of music is shown - it is the Bennesh movement notation better known as the Hokey-Cokey.
The first invention to break the sound barrier was a whip's sonic boom. (Forfeit: Cannonball)
When you listen to the waves in a seashell, you hear the air. (Forfeit: The sea, blood vessels)
The composer of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

[edit] Episode 12 – Christmas special

Broadcast dates

26 December 2004 (BBC Two)

Panellists

Alan Davies (-52 points)
Rich Hall (7 points) 9th appearance
Mark Steel (2 points) 1st appearance
Phill Jupitus (-3 points) 3rd appearance
Stephen Fry (-56 points)

Buzzers

Rich - A drum intro, à la “20th Century Fox”
Mark - An elaborate piano sequence
Phill - A moving marching band piece on trumpet (which Phill stands to attention to)
Alan - An upbeat selection of yodelers

Topics

Helium alters the timbre not the pitch of the voice – sound travels faster through helium

Tangent: Health & Safety will not allow a demonstration

The link between Santa Claus and Emperor Penguins is that they "come once a year"

Tangent: Aristotle believed that having sex while facing northwards led to stronger and healthier babies

People who smoke shorten their life expectancy by 5 years, while cutting off the testicles adds 13 years
Barbers did castrations as the practice was illegal – they explained it as an accident; castrati are people that sing in a high pitch because they have been castrated
There were no animals present at birth of Jesus
The bible does not state that there were three magi (or kings), nor that they were wise or even male; it just said that there were three gifts

Tangent: Fry talks about his interview with the president of Uganda (and David Frost)

The name of Herod's wife was Doris
In the Middle Ages the church simultaneously recognised seven different heads said to have been that of Saint Anne (Jesus' grandmother)
Water bears can die and come back to life after three days of being dead

Tangent: what special powers would panellist have?

The coldest place in the universe is in Louisiana – scientists took the temperature down to a fraction above absolute zero

General ignorance: Davies and Fry change place, Davies asks the questions

"Who plays in goal for Aston Villa?"
Mozart's middle name was not Amadeus (Fry receives the forfeit) – it was Wolfgang
There are six different states of matter (Fry's forfeit: Four)
In the northern hemisphere water drains in whichever direction you choose
Penguins do not, as often humorously depicted, fall backwards as they watch jets pass (Fry's forfeit)
The cow is not a sacred animal in India