Bill Simmons
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Bill Simmons (born 1969), best known as The Sports Guy, is a columnist for Page2 on ESPN.com and ESPN The Magazine.
His ESPN.com column is notable for its prodigious length and the irregularity with which it is written, as well as its extended analogies and references to pop culture (especially from the 1980s and 1990s). Simmons aims for humor in his columns, which are written from the perspective of a fan rather than an impartial journalist.
Simmons has earned a love/hate relationship with his readers, who often complain that he writes far too often about Boston-related topics and the NBA in general at the expense of other sports.
A native New Englander, Simmons is a passionate fan of the Boston Red Sox, New England Patriots, Holy Cross Crusaders, and Boston Celtics. He was a longtime fan of the Boston Bruins and the NHL, but claims that their poor administration led to him completely losing interest in them.[1] Simmons' interest in soccer was piqued by the 2006 FIFA World Cup. He subsequently wrote a column detailing his efforts to choose an English Premier League team to follow, eventually selecting Tottenham Hotspur.[2] Since his column discussing the selection process, he hasn't written any stories on the team or the EPL season. He also passionately roots against certain teams, specifically the New York Yankees, Boston College Eagles, Indianapolis Colts, and Los Angeles Lakers.
He moved to Los Angeles at the end of 2002, and is currently a Los Angeles Clippers season ticket holder.
Contents |
[edit] Personal life
In 1988, Simmons completed a postgraduate year at Choate Rosemary Hall, a prep school located in Wallingford, Connecticut after attending Brunswick School in Greenwich, Connecticut. Simmons attended and graduated from the College of the Holy Cross in 1992, and subsequently studied sports journalism at Boston University, where he received his masters degree[3] Before his affiliation with ESPN, he was known as the "Boston Sports Guy" on the web site Digital City Boston. Simmons also worked for the Boston Herald briefly in the 1990s, and he was a bartender for a short time while he established himself on the web.
In the fall of 2002, he moved to California to work as a comedy writer for Jimmy Kimmel Live. Although he left the show in 2004, he remained in California. Simmons also frequently writes about his non-sports related personal life in his columns. He often mentions his wife, Kari, but only as "The Sports Gal", and his baby daughter Zoe, born in the spring of 2005.
Simmons now boasts his own section of ESPN.com's Page 2, entitled "Sports Guy's World", and in late 2004 ESPN launched an online cartoon based on his columns. His wife, Kari, occasionally writes mini-articles within Simmons' own Page 2 articles. He has appeared on VH1's I Love the 90s: Part Deux, Colbert Report and Jim Rome Is Burning, and is an occasional guest on several sports talk radio shows.
On October 1, 2005, Simmons released his first book, Now I Can Die in Peace: How ESPN's Sports Guy Found Salvation, With a Little Help From Nomar, Pedro, Shawshank and the 2004 Red Sox. The book is a collection of his columns, with minor changes and lengthy footnotes, leading up to the 2004 World Series victory by the Boston Red Sox.
In the March 13, 2006 edition of ESPN The Magazine, Simmons revealed that he would be competing in the 2006 World Series of Poker Main Event. Simmons busted out of the tournament during his first day of play.
On April 19, 2006, Simmons won the NBA Cares Celebrity Fantasy League beating out Bernie Mac in the final by a score of 1028-852. Other celebrities that participated were Pamela Anderson, Cedric the Entertainer, Samuel L. Jackson, Matthew Modine, Michael Rapaport, Star Jones Reynolds, Kenny Smith and Diana Taurasi. Simmons attributed his success to his extensive knowledge of the NBA and to star player Kobe Bryant, as well as the Isiah-esque ineptitude of TNT analyst Smith.
On February 1, 2007, ESPN.com offered readers the opportunity to "comment" on Simmons' articles. Later that day, the comment feature was discontinued.
[edit] Style
His writing is characterized by references to movies, television shows such as The Sopranos, Beverly Hills 90210 and Entourage, his disdain for the WNBA, male insecurities, and anxiety about the emasculating effects of wives and girlfriends.
He frequently mentions friends and family in his column, and trips to Las Vegas or other gambling venues with his friends. Simmons frequently writes about his gambling, whether it's at the blackjack table or his many parlays during football season. On Fridays during the NFL season, he makes picks for every game.
He will also discuss movies (most notably, Hoosiers, The Godfather, The Shawshank Redemption, Boogie Nights, the Rocky series, and The Karate Kid), favorite TV shows of the past and present, his many fantasy sports teams, memories regarding professional wrestling (mainly with the WWF/E) and video games. One of his ongoing projects is "The Best 72 Sports Movies of the last 33 Years", which he updates in no particular order.
He also occasionally writes columns answering reader's e-mails. He almost always ends these columns with a strange email, followed by the statement "Yup, these are my readers."
One of his more popular columns is his annual Draft Diary, where he discusses watching the NBA Draft, usually with his father, and mocks various aspects of it.
[edit] Controversy
Simmons is an avid NBA fan and is quick to express his opinions over who's doing a good job and who's not. He has heavily criticized Celtics head coach Doc Rivers, Los Angeles Clippers general manager Elgin Baylor (who once called Simmons an "asshole"), and especially New York Knicks coach and general manager Isiah Thomas. This led to Thomas threatening Simmons on Stephen A. Smith's radio show in early 2006, saying, "If I see this guy Bill Simmons, oh, it's gonna be a problem with me and him." Simmons has claimed that despite his comments in the past, he and Baylor are now on good terms.
[edit] Memes
Simmons responds to issues in the sports world in a unique way, usually putting a different, funny, and unique spin on events, ideas, and theories.
[edit] Ewing Theory
One of his most used Internet memes, which was actually the brainchild of David Cirilli, has been the Ewing Theory[4], which postulates that certain teams see increased success after the departure of a superstar. Named after Patrick Ewing of the New York Knicks, who many thought to be better when Ewing was injured or otherwise unable to play, the theory relates to a team's improvement just after its star athlete leaves the team for any reason (including being traded or retiring). Other examples noted by Simmons include the 2004 Boston Red Sox, who traded Nomar Garciaparra mid-season and went on to win their first World Series in 86 years, the 1972 Los Angeles Lakers, who won a championship in the same season that their superstar Elgin Baylor retired after nine games, and after Baylor's Lakers had lost in the finals eight times during his career; or the 2001 New England Patriots, who won Super Bowl XXXVI after an injury to Drew Bledsoe forced Tom Brady into the starting quarterback's role.
[edit] Levels of Losing
Another recurring Simmons topic is the 13 Levels of Losing, where he defines, describes and ranks the most painful ways for a sports team to lose, such as the "Stomach Punch" (a game that ends with an opponent making an improbable and game-winning play; the Music City Miracle being a good example), or the "Guillotine" (when your team is hanging tough, but somehow you just know they will fail in the clutch). Not surprisingly, given Simmons' background, he ranks Game 6 of the 1986 World Series as the most painful defeat in sports history.
[edit] Common Sayings
Additional Simmons running conventions include referring to players who are no longer effective as having "a giant salad fork sticking out of their back", the Vengeance Scale, the "Juvenation Machine" (used to describe an athlete or team having a strong comeback year) and "I will now light myself on fire" (a catchphrase he uses whenever forced to admit an unpleasant truth, such as his 2006 acknowledgment of Kobe Bryant as the player most deserving of the 2006 NBA MVP award).
[edit] VP of Common Sense
Simmons recently made the semi-serious suggestion that sports teams should hire a Vice President of Common Sense who would be an average fan essentially taken off the street and given no behind-the-scenes knowledge. This official would be called in to assess important transactions; his reaction would be a gauge to help the team notice obviously poor decisions arising from such problems as bureaucracy, group-think and hype (by way of introduction to the concept, Simmons said that the VP of Common Sense would have selected Reggie Bush over Mario Williams in the 2006 NFL Draft). He uses such terms so frequently that ESPN.com has a glossary of Simmons conventions, with links to articles in which they were used.
[edit] Reggie Cleveland All-Stars
Simmons also created the "Reggie Cleveland All-Stars", a list of sports figures whose names would seem to indicate that they are black when they are white, or the converse. (The namesake is Reggie Cleveland, a white former pitcher with a "black-sounding" name.)
Simmons officially designated the following players as All-Stars:
|
|
Many others have been nominated on various websites. He also noted that recently drafted Patrick O'Bryant is a "mortal lock" to be named to the All-Star team. Kendrick was added during a mailbag on Page2.
[edit] The Tyson Zone
A more recent Simmons meme is the so-called "Tyson Zone," named in honor of boxer Mike Tyson. The Tyson Zone is the status an athlete or celebrity reaches when their behavior becomes so outrageous that one would believe any story or anecdote about the person, no matter how shocking or bizarre. [1] [2] For instance, if one would not be surprised to hear reports that a particular athlete agreed to fight a caged lion for a sum of money or started a career of breeding unicorns, that athlete has entered The Tyson Zone.
People who Simmons has officially listed as Tyson Zone members include:
Simmons has stated that Ben Roethlisberger secretly entered the Tyson Zone during the summer of 2006 after news of his motorcycle accident and a later incident involving a burst appendix, for which he was rushed to the hospital. Roethlisberger's membership indicates that inclusion in the Tyson Zone is not limited to those whose behavior is outlandish, but encompasses also those who have a knack for falling victim to unfortunate yet exceedingly bizarre events.
The term may also be used in adjective form as the word "Tysonic."
[edit] Diane Lane All-Stars
Simmons has also referred to celebrities who belong on the Diane Lane All Star Team, meaning older (over 40), attractive female celebs. "Members" of this All Star team include:
Simmons has also noted that Kelly Ripa will join the list as soon as she turns 40.
[edit] Sneaky Hot Hall of Fame
First referenced in a 2007 column [3] the Simmons decribed Jamie-Lynn Sigler as "one of those celebs who is prettier in person than on TV", and started the "Sneaky Hot Hall of Fame":
[edit] Manning Face
The Manning face is a known facial expression displaying a mix of frustration and disgust. It is most often displayed by NFL quarterback Peyton Manning and his younger brother, Eli. [5] [6]
Although the expression was named for the Manning brothers, the term has become synonymous with other professional sports players and coaches, including New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin.[citation needed] It was coined by Simmons in a 2005 column[7], and was later defined by Malcolm Gladwell as "the look of someone who has just faced up to a sobering fact: I am in complete control of this offense. I prepare for games like no other quarterback in the NFL. I am in the best shape of my life. I have done everything I can to succeed -- and I'm losing. Ohmigod. I'm not that good." [8]
[edit] External links
- Sports Guy's World
- The 13 levels of losing
- SI story about Bill Simmons, available only to "SI Exclusive" subscribers
- Mad-libs game to imitate a Sports Guy column
[edit] References
- ^ Simmons, Bill. "So long, hockey; Allison deal is last straw", ESPN.com, ESPN Internet Ventures, 2001-10-26. Retrieved on March 28, 2007.
- ^ Simmons, Bill. "And my team is ...", ESPN.com, ESPN Internet Ventures, 2006-07-19. Retrieved on March 28, 2007.
- ^ Bill Simmons '92 is "Boston's Sports Guy". College of the Holy Cross, June 1, 2001.
- ^ Ewing Theory 101 http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/print?id=1193711
- ^ Gallo, DJ. [ http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/060116 Hey Peyton, need some help?]. ESPN Page 2, January 16, 2006.
- ^ Abramson, Adam. [ http://weblogs.newsday.com/sports/KBQB_blog/2007/01/dont_have_a_good_title_yet.html Sometimes it's too late to change]. Newsday Keyboard Quarterbacks, January 9, 2007.
- ^ Simmons, Bill. [ http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/blog/index?entryDate=20050809&name=simmons More Cowbell: Book Club]. ESPN Page 2, August 9, 2005.
- ^ Hoffman, Dave. [ http://www.concurringopinions.com/archives/2006/03/simmonsgladwell.html Simmons-Gladwell Chat]. Concurring Opinions, March 11, 2006.
