User:Handysack
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Handysack... The best game in the world.
Account for editing and creating new articles solely dedicated to the art of Handysack.
Included are a musician, an actor, a bishop, a scientist and a politician. Nice.
Whilst reading this page, you will find words highlighted in blue. These are hyperlinks, and lead to various Wikipedia articles on the subject to which the word is referring. Words highlighted in red are hyperlinks that have no page to link to, because they have not been created. You can create that page, providing you have a Wikipedia account.
Do not attempt to create a proper article on Handysack. This has been attempted before, and it has been deleted. All articles which do not seem necessary after research will be deleted by Wikipedia.
[edit] The Handysack team:
There are five main members of the handysack team;
[edit] Joseph "The Music Man" Tyldesley
Joseph Tyldesley (born Joseph Alexander Tyldesley) is an English musician, who specialises in playing the guitar and double-bass. He is studying Mathematics, Law, Computing and English at A-Level in Blackburn.
Where next? = Joe plans to take a van down to London with his band and begin a glorious rise to fame in the music industry.
[edit] Lewis "The Godfather" Allcock
Lewis Allcock (born Lewis Robert Allcock) is an English actor. He has been acting since the age of 5, but actually decided to take it up as a career at the age of 14. He is studying Drama & Theatre, English, Geography and ICT at A-Level in Blackburn.
Where next? = Lewis plans to train as a professional actor at Drama school, probably in London, to fulfil his ambition of becoming a stage, TV and film star.
[edit] Matthew "Waller" Law
Matthew Law (born Matthew John Law), the former rebel of the team; Matthew has seen the errors in his ways noting that rape is illegal and is not part of every male's right as a man. After Matthew's reformation he has decided to dedicate his life to the karma that determines the destiny of Handysack; after asking Matthew what name he gave to this profession the only thing he could even compare it to is a bishop. Matthew is studing religious studies, art of the sack and foil philosophy at A-Level in Blackburn. Matthew hopes to become one with the sack and fully understand the principles of the art of the sack.
Where next? = After college Matthew plans to go on a pilgrimage to the birthplace of Handysack where he will possibly build a small shrine.
[edit] Callum "One Shot" Gibson
Callum Gibson (born Callum James Gibson) is an eccentric English politician. He is studying Media studies, English Language, Law and Government and Politics, at A-Level in Blackburn.
Where next? = Callum plans to assume total control of the United Kingdom forcing all walks of life to participate in the glorious sport of handysack.
[edit] Matthew "The Scientist" Jepson
Matthew Jepson (born Matthew Paul Jepson) is an English scientist who is studying Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry and Biology, at A-Level in Blackburn.
Where next? = Matthew plans to study Science at Oxbridge and develop the game of Handysack to the next level by creating new pieces of equipment and new strategies for the Handysack team.
[edit] Outline of the Game
The objective of sportsmen playing the glorious game of handysack, is to simply keep the famous tin-foil ball airborne for as long as possible. This is done by hitting the 'sack' (the casual name of the ball) to each other, mainly using hands, but the use of feet is not prohibited. A rally that exeeds 20 hits is considered to be a successful piece of sporting action. An experienced player may bring some difficult handysack tactics into play (see below - 'handysack terminology'). The rally ends when the Handysack touches the ground or a 'grab-yer-sack' occurs (see below), however the rally may be continued by taking rebounds off nearby objects e.g walls or cars.
[edit] Ideal Playing Conditions
[edit] Weather
Conditions are given a rating out of five for their intensity, with five being inplayable. This could include torrential rain and wind, and other serious storm conditions. With no cooling equipment, severe heat from the sun can also render a '5' rating.
[edit] Court Surface
The preferable surface is strong tarmac, that has few obstacles to trip over. Sometimes ice/frost can make the surface slippy making the game quite dangerous. If the court has a grass surface, then diving for the sack is much easier and safer. Another requirement for a safe court is that there must be no terrorists withtin 50 metres range of the arena.
[edit] The Beginning
When it comes to saying WHO founded handysack, there is much debate. It was the work of every one of the current players, pretty much. It was in the acedemic year 2004-2005, when we were all in Year 10, and Joseph Tyldesley and Thomas Willighan started batting a foil ball to each other. Matthew Law, Lewis Allcock, Callum Gibson and a number of Year 7 and 8 pupils were quick to join in the fun, and then Gareth Gill, Matthew Conboy, Matthew Jepson, Luke Tebbut, Luke Williams, Andrew Marks and even more Year 7s and 8s joined in.
Only Joseph Tyldesley, Lewis Allcock, Matthew Law, Matthew Jepson and Callum Gibson carried on playing Handysack all the way to the end of Year 11 and into the sixth form era.
[edit] Handysack Terminology
Listed below are some handysack terms that describe certain incidents and tactics in a game of handysack.
- Double-dunk = Two consecutuive shots by one player in quick succession.
- Triple-scoop = Three consecutuive shots by one player in quick succession.
- Quadruple combo = Four consecutuive shots by one player in quick succession.
- Grab-yer-sack = Term used to describe the accidental catching of the handysack ball when making a hit attempt.
- Molest-yer-sack = Term used to describe the caressing (jiggling) of the handysack ball between one player's hands.
- Small (compact) sack = Term used when a game of handysack is played in a confined space.
- Painful sack/Danger sack = When a game of handysack is not played with the traditional ball of foil. Typical alternatives include tin cans, stones, buses, children etc.
- Handysack extreme / Tense-sack = On the edge game, full of stunts and close shaves, or else a game of handysack played in unusual and dangerous conditions, e.g. ice, slippery moss, in the jungle, in space, etc.
- Flip-reverse-yer-sack = Term used to describe the most difficult shot in the game of Handysack. So far Mr.Law and Monsiuer Tyldesley are the only players worldwide to have pulled this shot off successfully.
- Pimp-yer-sack = Term used to describe a game comprising of a multiple amount of the above shots.
- Pop-up-and-smack-yer-sack = A rather difficult shot, which amazingly, Lewis Allcock has proved most efficient at pulling off. It involves the dropping of the sack, hitting with the side of one's foot so it pops into the air again, and sending it (by hand) to the next player. More difficult than it looks.
- Sweaty sack = A game of handysack played in the heat of summer, leaves the team nice and sweaty.
- Get Serious = When a game is played in the conditions mentioned above, players remove their jackets to stay cool, this is known as "getting serious".
- Juggle-ump = A special move where a player hits the sack from one hand to the other by hitting it over his head.
- Post-Handysack Slash= After a long, tiring game of Handysack the team always go for a slash.
- Spread-yer-sack (far and wide) = The opposite of small sack. This is the spreading out of the game, which means players must use greater force when making contact with the sack, so it travels a greater distance.
- Sack-avec-stump = the serving of the sack whilst stood on a tree stump. If there are numerous tree stumps in the vicinity, then all players could have the honour of standing on one; this is a form of danger sack.
- Squash-yer-sack = the accidental stamping on the sack, when play gets intense. If the sack isn't old and decrepid, it can be easily reformed and play can resume once more.
- Moist Sack = The playing of handysack when the sack is a little damp.
- Multi-sack = The multiple release of several Handysacks when play is resumed.
- Kneein'- yer-sack = Hitting the Handysack with your knee instead of hands and feet.
(N.B. ~ 5 shots is the maximum amount of shots allowed by one player in a standard game, except in freestyle sack. One man bands are frowned upon).
[edit] Top Handysack Injuries & Embarrassing Mishaps
- Staple In Thumb = Mr. Law received a staple in his left thumb after trying to make the ultimate sack.
- Sack In Eye 1 = The first time Jepson was hit in the eye was when Matthew Law hit the sack at him in an attempt to hit him in the face. This was a deliberate attempt to hurt Jepson which was successful - the hit caused so much damage that Matthew Jepson suffered a temporary distortion to the vision in his right eye.
- Sack In Eye 2 = The almighty Jepson suffered another sack to the eye after Mr. Law expressed his anger in the form of a power shot. This shot hit him in his right eye which had been hit badly before...
- Sack In Eye 3 = This is probably the most amusing, self-inflicted injury ever seen in Handysack. This happened when Matthew Law became more ambitious at stealing shots off other players. During one particular game, Joseph Tyldesley was in prime position to take a shot, but Matthew Law robbed it from him by pushing Joe forward. The amusement came when Matthew Law failed to hit the shot and it landed onto his eye causing severe pain.
- Finger in the eye= This was when Matthew Law and Matthew Jepson went for the same shot, when both of them failed to get it Matthew Law made the crucial mistake of holding his hands too low and he caught Jepson in the eye, this caused Jepson to be out of the game for a whole quarter of an hour. Again Jepson was hit in his right eye which has received a severe beating.
- Sack in the Eye 4 = During another game of Handysack a two-man band rally was building up between Lewis and Jepson, but unfortunately Matthew missed a shot and the dense sack landed onto his eye. This is the fourth time Matthew has been hit in his right eye while playing Handysack and doctors predict that a fifth hit in this eye could cause temporary blindness, however Jepson remains undeterred by his injuries and still plays Handysack.
- Flip on the backside 1 = An over-zealous attempt at a kick-shot by Lewis Allcock resulted in him cartwheeling backwards, and falling onto his backside, much to the amusement of Jepson and Joe, but which caused considerable rear-end pain to 'The Godfather' Lewis.
- Flip on the backside 2 = Unfortunately, Mr. Law became the second member of the aptly named 'Ass Bandits' club second to Mr. Lewis after trying to perform the tricky shot known as 'flip-reverse-yer-sack' (see above). Mr. Law not realising the slipperyness of the terrain tried to pull off the shot, BUT whilst in mid-flight Mr. Law realised that the fall was coming so on re-entry Mr. Law slid flat on his ass. A roar of laughter errupted from the team. Mr. Law realised what he had done and decided never to try the shot again.......but will he?!
- Collision with car = While receiveing a high shot Lewis made a strong effort to reach up and keep a rally going, but unfortunately he misjudged the position of a nearby Ford Focus and accidentally bashed his body into it. The rest of the team fell about laughing, but realised that more caution should be taken when the sack is played close to cars.
[edit] Commentary Terms
1 "Whod'ya think I am?! Michael Flatley?!" - directed towards a player who consistently plays particularly awkward shots to you.
2 "Your're not bloody Dick Van Dyke ya know!" - directed towards players who persist in one man bands.
3 "Keep it Kocher" - general term used when game is being played recklessley.
4 "You've had more hits than Michael Jackson" - directed towards players performing one man bands.
5 "Who do you think you are? Robin Hood?"- directed towards a player who constantly steals another player's shots.
6 "Right on it!" - Said when the precise direction of the sack is miscalculated, and instead lands on an unsuspecting car. This is a regular occurance during a game of handysack, especially when played in a car park.
[edit] Handysack News & Announcements
(28/02/07) Despite having incredibly windy conditions (rating-4.5), the Handysack team played a remarkable game of Handysack having a several rallies making double figures, the invention of the wind resistant Handysack by Matthew Jepson greatly helped the team today, as the Handysack didn't get blown around as much as expected.
(21/02/07) Handysack began today with three members of the team; Matthew Law, Lewis Allcock & Matthew Jepson. The trio kept the crowds entertained with a sack in the form of a tennis ball. This resulted in the demise of lots of cars, as the sack went out of control, especially a maroon Ford Focus, which just happened to be the same colour as Lewis' jumper. The luck arising from this mighty coincidence may have resulted in an ultimate rally (regular) of 68 hits - a record I am proud to announce. It was a great achievement for the team, however playing with a heavier tennis ball rather than a classic foil Handysack makes the game easier, still a good achievement though.
Joseph Tyldesley joined the team in the afternoon - an afternoon which saw the return of the standard tin foil sack. A new record for free-style handysack was also set today, Matthew Jepson and Joseph Tyldesley managed to achieve a rally of 74 hits. Unfortunately the tennis ball was confiscated and lost forever when the team started to play Handysack outside the college library and lost it when it fell down the stairs to student services.
(07/02/07) Today's game of handysack occured with just three players - Joseph Tyldesley, Matthew Law and Lewis Allcock. Once again, it took place on the field, and the fans were treated to a spot of danger sack. This is because the field was frosty, which meant that all three players had numerous sack-ripping slides. The quality of play was not brilliant, with the biggest rally totalling 11. Mr Law turned to throwing rotten apples in his anger. Mr Tyldesley was mighty impressive with his stunts, while Mr Law and Mr Allcock remained consistent. Matthew Jepson missed the day's play to consentrate on his science while Mr Gibson was no-where to be found, although police suspect he was plotting the demise of Audley Range.
[edit] Discussion
hello
avoid excessive swearing jepson... ...keep it Kocher...
[edit] The Famous College Bus Drivers
We feel that it is necessary, that if Fox's gets a mention, then the legendary bus drivers do also. Here is a list of those who've earned themselves nick-names with their different styles of driving (or should I say 'racing') and also their differing styles of appearance (smile). There follows a tribute to all those 'gentlemen' who return the handysack team players home every night after a long, tiresome day of entertaining the ever-loyal fans. Other bus drivers from other routes worthy of a mention are also included;
[edit] Yo Yo
Yo-yo drives for Blackburn Transport on college route 946. The fastest and thus most dangerous of all the drivers, Yo-yo gave himself that name. Yo-yo's favourite part of the St. Mary's College, Blackburn to Accrington route is the Whitebirk roundabout, which he takes far too fast, and nearly rolls over the bus. More recently, Yo-yo has been absent from his race seat with BCT, only popping up every now and then. (Style = council jacket and peak cap and very, very fast).
People who get on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Jack Heyes.
[edit] Eskimo
Eskimo drives for Blackburn Transport on college route 949. A slow and steady so-and-so, who doesn't often get involved in the race up the dual-carraigeway, but doesn't refrain from using dirty tactics, such as blocking at the last minute if he was being overtaken. In recent weeks Eskimo has formed a love-hate relationship with Shrek, and quite often leaves him standing stupidly at the bus stop, because 'he keeps blocking the corridor or sitting on the stairs when I tell him to sit upstairs'. Eskimo has recently been named as 'Dave'. (Style = slump over the steering wheel and frown, wrapped up in wooly clothes and hats).
People who get on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Gareth Gill, Shrek
[edit] Paddy
Paddy drives for Blackburn Transport on college route 94A. A stern, Irish fellow, who is famed for bollocking Gareth Gill when being laughed at by him. His tall Russian hat with the wooly flaps had the girls after him. Paddy has now taken to wearing his black shades whilst driving, instead of his famous Russian hat. (Style = always late but don't give a damn).
People who get on this bus ~ Callum Gibson, Daniel Anders, Matthew Conboy, James Dryden
[edit] Ripper
Ripper drives for Blackburn Transport on college route 94C. So-called because he looks very much like the man accused of being the Suffolk Ripper, with thin, white, wispy hair topped with a blue-avec-logo peaked cap. Always arrives first at the end of the day, but is always hampered by being in the slow lane - winning the evening race is a problem, therefore. Ripper always has a fiery rage and occasionally shouts at other drivers when they piss him off, for example by making an overtakeing manouvre without indicating. Ripper is now identified as the clever driver of the bunch. Arrives in plenty of time before the race to prepare thoroughly, and plans his departure to the split-second to achieve maximum effect at the traffic lights. This valuable skill means the race is quite often won on the traffic lights alone. (Style = give the other drivers an ugly frown and hope that'll win the race for him).
People who get on this bus ~ Matthew Jepson
[edit] Farmer
Farmer drives for Blackburn Transport as a stand in due to illness on Yo-yo's or Eskimo's side. With his glasses that are turning brown with grime and his tweed flat cap, he just completes the picture of the countryman from up yonder. (Style = 'slow but feisty, that's how she blows'...)
People who get on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Jack Heyes, Gareth Gill
[edit] Dick Van Dyke
Dick Van Dyke drives for Lancashire United on the public route 'Hyndburn Circular'. Fast and whitty at the wheel, and always presenting custmers with a jolly face, he earned his name simply by looking like the present-day Dick Van Dyke, what with the white hair at a side parting and the neatly cropped white moustache. (Style = 'a spoonful of sugar helps the deisel go down').
People who got on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Joseph Tyldesley
[edit] Grisley Bear
Grisly Bear drives for Lancashire United on the public route 'Hyndburn Circular'. Bollocks every unfortunate customer who slips in informing him of that all-important destination, and any other driver who breaks the Highway Code. Famously delayed a queue of traffic for 5 minutes as he yelled at a 4x4 driver who overtook him along Blackburn Road. (Style = no-nonsense or die...)
People who got on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Joseph Tyldesley
[edit] Grisley Bear Mk II
Grisley Bear Mk II drives for Blackburn Transport as a stand in for Yo-Yo (see above). Like his Lancashire United compatriot, 'GB2' stands for no nonsense. Refuses to let people get off the bus through the front doors, and only opens the middle doors. If this is not picked up by a passenger he sits there looking miffed and says nothing. Coughs like a dog choking up grass. (Style = fat, ignorant, strict bastard.)
People who got on this bus = Lewis Allcock, Jack Heyes
[edit] Tom Tom Man
Tom Tom Man drives for Ian Grimshaw Coaches on the college route. Mr. Law was honoured to have the Tom Tom man. Before the Christmas period, Mr. Law, an employee at a local electrical retail store, sold the un-named man a Tom Tom. Mr. Law realised that this man was a proper tosser when he demanded that he should talk to the manager and that the manager should give him a lower price for his Tom Tom, as he had bought a toaster (a non high priced item) from the store in the previous week; so of course an obvious name was tosser man but after realising that it may be too harsh was named the 'Tom Tom man'. Well, after speeding down Sheer Brow, Tom Tom Man slammed on the brakes nearly crushing a local car. Tom Tom man opened his window and shouted 'How much road do you bloody want'... classic. Today, for extra safety, he was wearing a high visibility jacket. (Style = major lane swerver and speedy when pissed off)
People who get on this bus ~ Matthew Law
[edit] Cheerful Charlie
Cheerful Charlie drives for Blackburn Transport on college route 946, as a stand in for the increasingly absent Yo-yo. Kicked off proceedings by mixing his bus up with Paddy's, causing a late start, which allowed Ripper and Eskimo to race off in the lead. Famously said as he bounced back onto the bus; 'We'll just sort this out, and then we're off. There's been a mix up (as if that weren't bloody abvious.)' He has been the only bus driver to race neck-and-neck with the super charging Paddy all the way from Brownhill Roundabout to 1/2 way up the dual-carraigeway, indeed, neither bus had enough 'umph' to overpower the other - side-by-side unmissable action. He may have bettered the legendary Yo-yo there, but didn't prove as efficient at the ultimate test - WHITEBIRK ROUNDABOUT. (Style = 'I may be a novice, but I'm leaving my mark, Paddy, you Irish tea-cake...')
[edit] Tim Curry
Acted as one of the many replacement 'novice' drivers during the mysterious disappearance of student's favourite Yo-Yo. Deserves special mention due to his striking resemblance to Tim Curry, the famous actor who you may recognise as Long John Silver in Muppet Treasure Island or as Professor Oldman from Scary Movie 2. He is also one of the few stand-in drivers to appear twice on the service. Did well to take full advantage of Eskimo's fooling around with change at the bus stop to take over and arrive at college earlier than Eskimo, who as usual refused to overtake on the Dual-Carriageway. (Style = Not fast, but shows great skill in tricky situations)
People who get on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Jack Heyes
[edit] Anorexic Father Christmas
Anorexic Father Christmas was a 946 substitute on a wet and windy day in February. Displayed excellent speed at the wheel, and was the first 946 bus driver to win a race since the golden age, when Yo yo was in charge. This was helped along by the fact that Ripper was absent from driving the 94C, and 'AFC' grabbed pole position. (Style = 'Ho, ho, ho... off to first place we go!.')
People who get on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Jack Heyes
[edit] Toothy Ted
'Toothy Ted' was one of the many iconic replacement drivers for good old Yo-Yo,who's whereabouts are still unknown. Named 'toothy' due to the ridiculus state up his upper row of teeth. Caused uproar aboard the 946 after breaking the bus for the fifth time in four days and marched down the pavement in his flat cap to Eskimo's bus to report yet another engine failure. Was subject to much abuse from students after taking them to the bus depot for the second time that week to change buses, a somewhat familiar inconvenience to the 946 crew. The whereabouts of Toothy Ted were unknown until he was spotted driving the public service from Blackburn to Accrington on Saturday, still wearing his flat cap and showing his outrageous teeth. (Style = Slow driver but good to laugh at his expense)
People who get on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Jack Heyes
[edit] Frederick Finger
Frederick Finger drives for Blackburn Transport on college route 946. With the famous 'happy uncle' looks, Lewis and Jack knew he was going to be a legend. Almost crashing with a boy-racer twice at the start of the race (March 9th 2007) threw light to this, and he also gave Eskimo the finger while attempting the undertake along the dual-carraigeway. Uncle Lewis engaged Frederick in conversation twice during the journey and found out that he doesn't 'give a toss' about miffed boy-racers as he delays them with his beast of a vehicle, and that he always gets blames for any hold ups and mis-haps on the road, even when other vehicles are at fault - bless him. This came about after a pick-up truck was blocking the road at the Black Dog pub in Oswaldtwistle. (Style = 'Bugger boy racers, bugger ice-cream vans, bugger motorbikes & bugger Eskimo.'
People who get on this bus ~ Lewis Allcock, Jack Heyes, Shrek)
[edit] The SMC Bus Drivers' League Table
This section is constantly updated to show the results of the evening races between bus drivers Eskimo, Ripper, Paddy and whoever drives the 946 these days. A championship lasts one term (i.e. September - December, January - March and April - June. A driver gets 1 point for each race he wins - which is to Whitebirk Roundabout. Enjoy...
[edit] Championship 1 - February - March 2007
- Ripper = 13
- 946 = 7
- Eskimo = 4
- Paddy = 0
[edit] Championship 2 - March 2007 - May 2007
- 94C = Ripper
- 946 = TBA
- 949 = TBA
- 94A = Paddy
RECENT RESULTS
Today's Winner - Ripper.
29/03/07 - Ripper started well and stayed in the lead - that was that. Win number 13 in a season of dominance - well done. Farmer was once again in charge of the 949, and botched up the start delaying the 946, with Paddy yet to turn up. He finished last (again). Farmer stayed in 2nd after repassing the 946 (the latter overtook Farmer at the 3rd set of traffic lights before the dual-carraigeway.) Post season analysis reveals the 946 needs a consistent driver to challenge Ripper, while the 949 and Paddy need to patch up their tactical skills. A fat zero on Paddy's part did not bode well with the Irishman's fans...
- Ripper (champion)
- Farmer
- 946
- Paddy
See below for yesterday's exhilerating report. Oh yes!!!!!
28/03/07 - All started well but Ripper got ahead at the 2nd set of traffic lights. This left the 946, Farmer and Paddy to battle it out along the dual-carraigeway with Ripper pulling out a huge lead in his modern 1996 N-registered bus (Volvo Olympian if you must know). Paddy passed Farmer and the 946 in one move, but struggled in the slow lane, allowing his victims to re-pass him. Farmer could have passed the 946 earlier on, but he lacked the courage. The 946 easily passed Ripper at the lights, with Farmer following suit. However, with only one more race to run this season, Ripper has the title in the bag.
- 946
- Farmer (replacing Eskimo)
- Ripper
- Paddy (as usual...)
22/03/07 - Today's race started with so much promise, with all four buses arriving on time. However, before long Paddy, and then Eskimo had fallen foul of the traffic lights. So it was up to the lackluster 946 to pull something out of the bag and stop Ripper. It all appeared to have gone to pot when Ripper's immense acceleration saw him develop a huge lead whilst also making use of the fast lane, a new trick designed to help him win the race and prevent others i.e. Eskimo, from overtaking. There was even a blatant pass through a red light from Ripper - desperation? But it was the 946 who ended up taking over and winning their first race in weeks, consigning Ripper to his fourth consecutive defeat...
21/03/07 - Ripper started first again, followed by the 946 and then Paddy. Eskimo was late, but caught up at the traffic lights. Paddy attempted a pass on the 946, but was blocked by numerous cars in the 2nd lane. Eskimo caught the 946 bumbling in the wrong lane and passed all 3 racers to grab 1st place again. 946 made a late-race charge and demoted Ripper, 3rd place being the man's worst result in aeons. Paddy completed the line up.
Order
- Eskimo
- 946
- Ripper
- Paddy
20/03/07 - The line up was Ripper, Eskimo and then Paddy with the 946 no-where to be seen. All 3 got through the traffic lights, with Ripper never getting a clear lead as Eskimo and Paddy kept very close. Ripper streaked down the dual-carraigeway with Paddy making the first move of the race with a fine pass on Eskimo. However, Eskimo scented another victory, and repassed the Irishman and passed Ripper. All seemed fine, until Ripper made a last charge. It was neck and neck all the way to the roundabout, but Eskimo just edged ahead to win - the closest finish in the history of Formula Bus.
Uncle Lewis had a spiffing conversation with Eskimo about Shrek that Eskimo shouldn't feel guilty about driving right past him at the stop. It's a health and safety risk after all...
Final results
- Eskimo
- Ripper
- Paddy
- 946
[edit] Fox's
Handysack is a challenging game and the player's need to be replenished if they are to survive a session, so a trip to the local butty shop is a necessity
Fox's butty shop has been around since 1975. Which happens to be the exact year that the war in Vietnam ended, a coincidence I think not. On our daily visit to Fox's the elite handysack team have noticed the forearms of the Fox's workers whilst buttering our butties. Forearms like that can only be acheived through trainig as a Vietnamese gorrila. Recent undercover missions inside the bowel's of the vietnamese lair aka Fox's have confirmed our beliefs; after lifting up a carpet on the floor a trap door revealed itself unto us. A staircase led down, deep into the Blackburn underworld, we followed a winding tunnel that came to an abrupt end. At the end of this tunnel we were faced with a vertical ladder that we assumed led to the surface, but we what we found was disturbing, the vietnamese had dug a tunnel directly under the heart of their rival sandwich business 'Uppercrust'. We quickly evacuated the area as after finding out that the ticking was comiing from a large bomb strapped to the oven. So, sadly that's the end of Uppercrust as we know it. Alas, we will continue to venture into to Fox's to replenish, rejuvinate and exfoliate ourselves for the continuation of our lives or face certain death.
So, a warning to all those venturing into to Fox's, if you go in on Monday and don't go in on Tuesday your head will be on a spike by Wednesday!!!
This was a small dedication to Fox's.
[edit] The Team's Message
Our soul aim is to get Handysack recognised as the sport of the gods. So far Handysack's popularity is equal to that of synchronized swimming but in five year's time we hope to be even more popular than curling. To you, our adoring fans, we can only plead you to distribute this link far and wide, we can only do so much, we have spread this link across the globe. Handysack is becoming more and more popular in the USA, the Yanks are saying that Handysack is nearly as big as their citizens. So, if you have taken up the art or have enjoyed reading this page please send this link to at least one of your associates and so the chain will begin.
''MAY THE SACK BE WITH YOU''
[edit] Internal Links
There follows a selection of links to articles within Wikipedia, relating to topics of interest within the Handysack team;
Please add more if necessary!
Formula 1 Toyota F1 Football Accrington Stanley Premiership Tanks Lancashire United Skiing Ralf Schumacher Jarno Trulli Alan Rickman Gary Oldman David Thewlis Daniel Radcliffe Maggie Smith Helen Mirren David Tennant Robbie Coltrane Richard Griffiths Richard E Grant Batman Bruce Forsyth Chuck Norris Blackburn Rovers Tony Blair David Cameron Daniel Craig Doctor Who BNP Wensleydale cheese Wallace & Gromit Eskimo YoYo Farmer Tim Curry Walrus Blackburn Rovers Jim Carrey
[edit] External Links
Here are some links that allow access to sites outside the boundaries of Wikipedia that relate to the interests of the team. Please add more if necessary!
