Wikipedia:More Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
[edit] from Voltron
Voltron sucks robotic cock.
[edit] from Chumbawamba
Chumbawamba had one or more of the members from Crass in it. They really were a crappy band, however that is not to say Crass was any better.
They get knocked down, but they get up again. You'll never, ever keep them down.
[edit] From snake
All snakes are devil creatures and should be killed by having their heads stomped in. No living creature should be cold and clammy and slither around without the use of apendages.
Sadly, I doubt this is a joke. Many people actually believe this.
That's lame, snakes are awesome.
Especially on a plane.
Snakes can eat anything they want because they can unhinge their jaws. Pet snakes will only eat mice because they hate all rodents.
Obviously whoever wrote this has never felt a snake. Snakes aren't nessescairily cold and they are never clammy; their skin is really dry.
They also hate god
[edit] From New Zealand NMP Party
Few people know that "NMP" stands for "Naked Monkeys Party". If you find this page you are one of those odd people who actually wants to know what NMP is. Actually I'm lying, I'm an ignorant teenager who has no idea what NMP stands for. Whose stupid idea was it to let me edit this web page anyway? Caption. On the bright side, at least i'm an NZer. We wouldn't want foreigners to edit this page now would we? bbb
[edit] From Ohio
Consists of Cincinnati, plus Cincinnati's north eastern suburbs. And something about Cleavland
Also consists of Drew Carey.
[edit] OsmosisTwo entry
This is a controversial issue.
The most common interpretation (the "Newbie Theory") of OsmosisTwo is that it is synonymous with Osmosis, and that any meaning assigned to OsmosisTwo can be merged with the meanings assigned to the Osmosis symbol.
An alternative interpretation (the "Cabal Theory") of OsmosisTwo can be inferred from the self-referential string "OsmosisTwo is being deleted by the Evil Cabal! Save OsmosisTwo!". This viewpoint holds that OsmosisTwo bears a striking resemblance to Gödel's incompleteness theorems.
[edit] From PatentNonsense
Q. SO, you are really looking for Chaos on a webpage, right? A. Er...no, we'd like to avoid it. Q. K, how is that going to happen without a policeman? A. Go figure! [Of all the text to end up being hauled into this detention centre... :)]
order arising out of chaos...
[edit] From WhatIsaWiki
This is crazy! A tremendous Fear and Loathing of wikis is present... Blah...
Er, what's crazy? To whom are these Kierkegaardian sentiments present? It was a dark and stormy night and the captain said "tell us a story" ...
Hmmm - it's REALLY possible to edit ALL of EVERY page? Seems a recipe for disaster to me! One destructive moron and the whole Wiki becomes mush. Maybe I'm just cynical. :-)
Wow, This is kinda weird
-- Drachs
Wikipedia : a disastrous, ill-advised encyclopedia-building project.
Investigation of the Wiki concept...
Oh Wiki, you're so fine!...
[edit] From SnowBoarding
This snowboarding page is dedicated to all the hot snowbunnies!! (ha,ha)
[edit] From WikiWatcher
(for the time being, the previous definition would be best applied to MiracleDoer)...
[edit] From The Recorder
I played the Recorder when i was in 6th grade -Zed
- The recorder is a musical instrument [1] no reason to doubt that a 6th grader could have played one.
Zed is Dead - Pulpfiction
[edit] From POP3
Poop Of Pleasure 3
[edit] From Newtons Laws of Motion
Newton's Fourth Law: "Don't sit under ripe apple trees"
If you're stupid enough to sit under a ripe apple tree then you deserve to be hit in the head. See? Newton wasn't that smart. Besides, I already knew about inertia since before I was 8 yrs old.
[edit] The Two Main Theories of History
1.The 'accidental' theory. 2.The 'conspiracy' theory.
Type 1 folks believe that events happen without cause, you could say, accidentally. History simply unfolds as it will!
The type 2 people believe in the causation of History. How do events, people, and things, interelate, interweave, and deliberately cause certain things to happen, not accidentally? History unfolds as it is willed!
Which type are you?
neither
O RLY?
- More than in wikipedia comentary, i think this belongs on Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense
[edit] From volvox
"Volvox is a : what is Volvox? Plant? Animal? Mold? Fungus?
I think it's a crashed Volvo."
[edit] From Plato
Plato was also a tragic child star who recently died of a drug overdose. Purportedly, there was some kind of mysterious curse hanging over the entire cast and crew of 'Different Strokes' - a modern reference to Greek Tragedy. . .or, more specifically, Modern-Day Greek Archetypes. Was Plato actually Persephone? Think about it.
If plato was actually Persephone, then hades was gay
[edit] From The Diggers
They [the Diggers] tried to graze their animals again on the commons. The commons had been taken away to raise sheep to feed the woolen mills of the Industrial Revolution. The king's men slaughtered them. They were called the Diggers because they were digging graves every day.
[edit] From Rectum
As of 2001, there are roughly 6 billion people on the planet. Assuming each one takes a dump once a day, there are 6 billion times a day at least that the anus does its work. Truly this is proof of its thorough design and well crafted construction. Unless of course you don't believe anything designed the anus. Anyways.
Even more common than dump taking is farting, also done through the anus, that most durable and noble of organs.
therefore, sodomy 'is' a crime, isn't it?
[edit] From Wiki Canonization
Wiki Canonization is the lengthy process by which a wikipedian is promoted to wiki sainthood. The wikipope Larry I signs the decree.
[edit] With respect to Wikipedia contains spoilers
Psycho: He's mother.
The Crying Game: She's a he.
Fight Club: He's beating himself up.
The Sixth Sense: He's been dead the whole time.
The Usual Suspects: Verbal's Kaiser Soze.
Seven: it's her head in the box
Death Note: Light Dies
Cowboy Bebop: Spike does not die. He's simply "somewhere else" as stated by the most honourable Wantanabe-Sama. However, it should be noted that he thinks Spike's hair is green, too, so don't take his word for it.
Sorry, i just had to add Seven !!! David Humphreys 03:02, 28 June 2006 (UTC)
[edit] From optical isomerism
Proteins in the body are L-enantiomers whereas bacteria have the D form. Penicillum only works on D-forms is therefore harmless to our body.
[edit] From Wikipedians/History talk
My butt remains firmly on the fence. It seems harmless to me. --Stephen Gilbert
- I don't know...sitting firmly on a fence sounds like it could be pretty painful. --TheCunctator
[edit] From the (since deleted) article entitled "Veggie"
A freakin' vegetable. Learn English.
[edit] From Telekinesis
Microscopic PK should not be confused with Microsoft's PR, but in my opinion, neither exists.
- Nice one :)
"Everyone who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand."
[edit] From "Three Laws Of Al Gore"
The Three Laws of Al Gore:
- Al Gore may not harm a human being, or allow a human being to be harmed.
- Al Gore must obey the orders given by the human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
- Al Gore must protect his own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict the First or Second Law.
For those who don't know, this is based on Isaac Asimov's "Three Laws of Robotics," which are the same as the above except that it says "a robot" rather than "Al Gore." PhilosophyGirl
coincidence that both AI and Al look the same? we think no. Is it possible that the internet was not created by us but by Isaac Asimov's Al Gore Robot that eats, poops and looks like real!?
[edit] From U2
Pretentious and utterly tedious, the band has re-recorded their first hit single "Gloria gloria over and over again" many thousands of times with different titles and a new chord here and there, thus acquiring an enormous and enormously dim fanbase. They are politically wanky in human rights causes.
Bono hasnt got to be the non biggest dipshit--dead alive! Don't look at that schnoz...and those glasses neither! He shouldn't get AIDS, it couldn't only disprove his music.
[edit] From World History
First the earth cooled. Then the dinosaurs got too big and fat so they all died and turned into oil. Then the Arabs came and bought Mercedes Benzes. References: Johnny, "Airplane - the Movie"
[edit] From Orlando Bloom
Incredibly good-looking, he plays Legolas in Lord of the Rings.
Also known for is his (in)ability to act.
[edit] From "United States/Morlock Party"
Political Movement established in 2000.
Party Slogan: "Eat the Beautiful People"
Ideology taken from H.G. Wells's novel "The Time Machine", in which the earth's population has evolved into two sub-species, the Morlocks and the Eloi. The Morlocks are the technologically-savvy worker-engineer class, and the Eloi are the pleasure-loving ignorant idle class. The cruel twist comes when the Time Traveller discovers that the Eloi are actually food animals for the Morlocks.
The Morlock party is didicated to the persuit of truth and efficiency, rather than wasteful false exteriors.
The Morlock Party is currently based in Akron, Ohio.
[edit] From Wikipedia Announcements
April 1, 2002
There's a press release at http://corporate.britannica.com stating that they are going to switch to a wiki-based development model internally and are in active negotiations to license Wikipedia's software and article database.
[edit] From Brilliant prose
Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense
[edit] from Pre-automatic dictatorship
Postulate based on surrealist theory that automatism is the most highly-developed historical era in the conception of creative production (or at least the most highly-developed historical era in the conception of creative production thus far conceived of), the pre-automatic dictatorship is the totality of means specificially directed by the forces in power during the pre-automatic era against the practice of automatic writing, drawing, behavior (and so forth), and the practitioners of automatism for practicing it.
- The fact that you do not agree with the theory behind the concept of the pre-automatic dictatorship, or that there may or may not be a pre-automatic dictatorship, does not mean that the theory that we are presently living under the pre-automatic dictatorship should be deleted from wikipedia. I would be very interested to hear under what part of the page deletion guidelines (particularly keeping in mind the "if in doubt don't delete") it was deleted.
- Daniel C. Boyer
[edit] from Star Destroyer
The greatest Star Wars warrior is Darth Maul. Go the double-edged lightsaber!
[I should smack you.]
[edit] from Ricky Carmichael
Ak.a. Anthony rod riguez
noun.
also see gimp ,layer, and the womman. Always has lots of girls and lots of friends and is a dirty mexican.
[edit] From RAM disk
RAM disk is NOT an installation instruction!
You are correct, sir.
RAM, Tron, Flynn, Crom, CLU, Ma3a, what's the matter with ram's disk?
[edit] Sam Raymond
Sam Raymond is God. He is the best. He is the composer of such famous works as Massoud, A Story of Afghanistan, and Happy Birthday, the most popular song in world history. All should bow to him. How can anyone be so damn smart, handsome, funny, and talented? It's a question for the ages. Friends:
- Michael Gross
- David Schick
He hit seven homeruns.
Who?
[edit] David Shick
David Shick is a mathematics teacher at Meridian High School in Bellingham, WA. He's been working for footballguys.com as a staff writier and message board administrator since the site opened five years ago. His schtick is placing a ! at the end of his name. Rumor has it the ! represents a factorial.
[edit] From SEX (Computers)
SEX is a slang term meaning Software EXchange. Hundreds of millions of years ago, blue-green algae invented this technique to speed up their evolution, which had been terribly slow up until then. Today, SEX parties are popular among hackers and others (of course, these are no longer limited to exchanges of genetic software, that is, biological sex). In general, hackers consider SEX parties a Good Thing, but unprotected SEX can propagate a virus.
- This is actually content copied verbatim from the Jargon File.
See also Bacterial conjugation, Pubic directory, Sexual reproduction.
Isn't most of Wikipedia "content copied verbatim" from elsewhere?
[edit] From Shithead
A shithead is a stupid troublesome person.
Although the word seems vulgar to some (indeed, many take offense at its mere mention), it is a word of venerable usage.
Scholars trace shithead back to the word shit, a scatological form indicating human or animal feces. Because of its noxious (even offensive) smell, as well as its role in spreading disease, shit has gotten a bad reputation.
The tradition of demeaning the intelligence or worth of others by likening their minds (or "heads") to useless solid or mushy substances goes back many centuries. Terms such as blockhead or numbskull are kin to shithead and serve duty as euphemistic forms.
[edit] Usage
- You shithead, what the fuck are you doing?! This form conveys in a concise, forceful manner the speaker's contempt for the listener. Calling into question his intelligence, as well as the utility of the act with the auxiliary term fuck, the speaker asserts his superiority in the situation
... should NOT be confused with shi'thead.
... My boss is a shithead...
[edit] From Teledesic
This is a large Potato orbiting the earth at 9172 miles per hour
Beautiful.
Amazing! Potatoes have done it again! According to this brilliant chap, they are now orbiting our planet at speeds that would cause all other objects in the known-universe to de-orbit and enter the atmosphere. IS THERE ANYTHING THEY CAN'T DO?!?
Little known fact - Potatoes cannot do geometry.
[edit] From Words that should not be used in wikipedia articles
- The word Terror, and all of its offshoots, should be used liberally anywhere that individuals communicate. It should be flogged abusively into humankind's collective consciousness. Terrorism should be spun out of context at every possible turn.
- That "new" flavour "terrorises the taste buds."
- The big tomcat "terrorises the neighborhood."
- The pop-quiz is an instructor's "act of terrorism" in the classroom.
- That mouthwash is "terrorising" the germs that cause bad-breath.
- Insecticides "terrorise" household pests.
- The word should be aggressively taken down to the level of commonality within ALL LANGUAGES. It has no proper definition, that a majority could agree upon. By its overuse, it can be given no substantive meaning, and have its power taken from it.
[edit] Aunty Semantic responds
since you have decided that this post belongs in your 'bad joke' bin, i have chosen a 'bad joke' name for the pseudonym.
This edit was NOT A JOKE. In the 60s many words of power were co-opted into a meaningless impotency. Revolutionary is a good example of this. This word was so abused then, that it lost its force in American politics. How could a minor tweak to a razorblade ever be properly termed "revolutionary?"
The whole point of this asymmetric edit was to show how hurtful and misused the word terror and it offshoots are. "One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter," has been an altruism throughout the latter half of the 20th century and on into the first two years of the 21st. Terrorist is best defined as that guy on the other side of the fence who is looking squinty-eyed at us.
So i would say that you have "terrorised" my point of view by removing it from [Words that should not be used in wikipedia]. Fine, since you are Brion VIBBER, "one of Wikipedia's developers and sysops," i cannot have my say upon your "open-source"(how ironic) encyclopedia. The 'bad joke' is on me.
- If you mean it, silly girl, put it back and make it not look like a stupid joke. No one's stopping you. --Brion 00:34 Sep 5, 2002 (PDT)
- Hi Aunty. For the record, Brion has no more authority around here than you. Also for the record, it looks like a bad joke to me. --Stephen Gilbert
- And if it is not a bad joke, it still should be removed for being POV. Andre Engels
- Andre... That's exactly Aunty's point. The use of the word terror in all it's forms is POV and he feels it should be removed from use in NPOV articles. Try to keep up. --Marlowe 04:49, Jun 13, 2004 (UTC)
Who cares if it's POV? It's still a good point!
[edit] From WikiWiki
Wiki wiki is also the sound made by the Budweiser ferret. This is important and should not be ignored in any serious discussion of the importance of the phrase "wiki wiki" in the postmodern world.
[edit] From Nanastusixpopisimusixlesix
Nanastusixpopisimusixlesix is a Fictional nation, which lives somewhere out of the Universe. Nanastusixpopisimusixlesixians assumably had never been on the planet Earth yet.
[edit] From Searles Lake
i clicked on the question mark so that a blank page would pop up and so that i could type a whole lot causeim bored and im gnna make a really long run on sentence but i dont like this keyboard cause its hard to type on and the delete key doesnt work too good which reminds me of my computer at home cause it never works too good either and it dies sometimes usually when i dont want it to die because thats no good and it makes me mad like if im talking to people or im playing a kickass game of asteroids and it makes me mad cause it will erase my high scores and then ill have to turn it back on and its slow kinda like me and swimming we dont get along good cause the water is wet and i am slow and i wish i were really smart even tho i am kinda smart but i like to think i am dumb cause its more fun that way and people laugh cause they say im funny but am i really funny or just dumb like in that song by that guy maybe im dumb but he got killed by an evil lady named courtney love well maybe not by her directly but by someone she hired or something cause he was all doped up on herion which reminds me of my friend who was shooting up water instead of heroin cause he wants to be a junkie but he will probably die before he makes it to that status cause he is pretty messed up just like life which i will write a book about and now that ive thought about writing a book about it i think i will it will start off with three words life sucks sometimes and that will be the whole book and ill go on to win the nobel prize or whatever books get and my hands are really hurting cause i dont like this keyboard.
- Holy shit, William Faulkner is writing on Wikipedia. Meelar 17:23, 23 May 2004 (UTC)
[edit] From Soon
not now
slightly towards the future
if (past == 1) then soon = past + 2;
- output insulting message#
if @ohnoes1!!=TRUE than gums=bleeding
- and all extended clauses#
- Sloppy programming: no else-clause...
[edit] From Sedimentary rock
The oggly boggly's stike again
[edit] From Sefer
As such, any book written by a non-controversial, scholarly Rabbi, is a holy book. This includes the anatomy treatises of Maimonides, the astrology treatises of Nachmanides, the secular love poetry (both erotic and homoerotic) of Abraham and Moshe ibn Ezra, and the math texts of Elijah of Vilna.
Also the opposite of danger if you spell like a retard.
[edit] From Wladimir C. Mourao Jr.
I wish I had more to add!
lol
Wladimir C. Mourao Jr. wrote those famous words in self-reflection at his life's accomplishments, right before his momentary fame as the wikipedia censors came sweeping through.
[edit] From Red River of the North
It is commonly held to be the only river in North America that flows northward; all other northward-flowing rivers in North America are merely exceptions to the rule that this is the only one.
[edit] From President of the United States of America
There is a rock band called the Presidents of the United States of America; however, no person has both held the office of President of the U.S. and played in that band.
- That should be rectified.
Yeah, but in who's rectum?
[edit] From Plesiosaur
A plesiosaur is a Loch Ness Monster cooking cookies. Haha.
(editors note: actually a plesiosaur is just the name of the monster and does not refer to any actions the creature may be doing)
Hmm, depending on pronunciation ... Wouldn't a please-ee-o-saur be just a really cute, pleasing-type sore thingy?
the etymology is plesio which means to please and saur meaning lizard, so pleasing lizard, which is something that they sell at Amazing! "gift" shops everywhere I think
[edit] From "List of songs, which do not appear on a Wikipedia list"
While the name of this article may appear somewhat incongruous to its contents, any inaccurracy appears strictly only relative to this proper article name, which may serve as mere symbolic reference. However, Wikipedia provides the means to represent knowledge completely, by allowing to express references to
- [[List of songs which do not appear on a Wikipedia list|List of songs which do not appear on any Wikipedia list; and neither on this list]],
- [[List of songs which do not appear on a Wikipedia list|List of songs which do not appear on any Wikipedia list; except on this list]],
or to more detailed descriptions of contents.
As opposed to the much-requested: "List of songs that do not exist".
[edit] From Bicentennial Man (short story)
Hello I am Robin Williams,the bicentennial man ha ha. Im not a human,but I play one on television. I follow Asimov's three laws but more importantly I also follow the Three Laws of Comedy.Not familiar with these? Here they are.
1.A comic must not bore an audience,or through
inaction bring an audience to boredom
2.A comic must obey orders given to it
by a script except when such orders
conflict with the first law.
3. A comic must protect his posterior
as long as such protection does not
conflict with the first or second law.
[edit] From 2060s
Events and Trends
- The planet Earth is taken over by robots from the planet Meepzork.
- Saturday Night Live finally lets John Goodman join the cast.
- The Nintendo 491758 and Playstation 20 are introduced.
Editor's note: Obviously wrong, as Nintendo haven't started numbering yet. Therefore the PlayStation number would be higher than the Nintendo number. Tut tut. IslandHopper973 18:55, 11 September 2005 (UTC)
Maybe the Playstation has a lower release rate then the Nintendo
Nintendo 64 is numbered?
No, 64 is just from 64 - bit (referring to the graphics handling I think).
Well, duh. It's a Nintendo system with 491758 bits and the 20th version of the Playstation.
You are all humungous geeks.
Thank you.
What's a "nintendo"?
Maybe they started counting from 491754.
To the "humongous geeks" editor: I couldn't agree more.
I like cake.
23,2768 or 65,536 would've been a better number to choose since there actually powers of 2
What about the Sexbox three shifty? Are microsoft happy with the two releases by 2060? Sounds about right.
[edit] From B.G. DeSylva
He was born in China at the age of 14. (How?) He started his career early in life, being arested at the age of 19 for impersonating a goat. He began writing music in prison after he suffered major brain damage in an accident with a wall. He later wrote 134 songs, but never became widely known.
This reminds me about a commentare about a man "... he was born when he was 36..."
(editors note: B.B DeSylva was not born at the age of 14, it was 16 because he was allready driving then. Also, he wrote 215 songs..most of which have been found recently in his private journel kept in his mattress)
[edit] Muppets Attack
- Ok, this was blatant vandalism done to the War on Terrorism page, and it was quite rightly deleted. But it also qualifies as amusing nonsense:
"Immediately following and in response to the September 11, 2001 Muppets Attack, the United States government announced its intentions to begin a "War on Sesame Street" (or "War on Muppets"), a protracted struggle against muppets and states that aid muppets.
Many governments have pledged their support for the international initiative. The US has received military help from the United Kingdom, Canada, Germany, the Netherlands, Spain, Australia, Japan, Pakistan, and France, among others.
The "War on Sesame Street" quickly became the dominant framework in which international relations were analyzed, supplanting the old Cold War and in some cases the War on Drugs. Many pre-existing disputes were re-cast in terms of the War on Sesame Street, including Plan Colombia and the Colombian civil war; the United States' diplomatic and military disputes with Iraq, Iran, and North Korea; the war between Russia and Chechnya; and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
Other, new conflicts, like the U.S. invasion of Disney World, were created within the framework. Although many countries are involved, the war is overwhelmingly viewed as an American initiative - or even George Bush's personal war. There was a previous War on Sesame Street declared during the 1980s, by US President Ronald Reagan, but the Pigs in Space defeated the forces sent there.
Many groups and individuals from across the globe oppose the "War on Sesame Street" in increasingly large numbers.
Overall Strategy The United States has based its counter-muppet strategy on several steps:
Denial of strings in which muppets can moved about with; Restriction of funding of cartoon networks; Degradation of muppet networks by capturing and/or killing intermediate leaders like Kermit the Frog;Cutting the supply lines to the organization known as the "swedish chef" Detention of suspected and known muppets. See the section below for further details; Obtaining information, through various techniques, allegedly including torture, from captured muppets of other members of their organization, training sites, methods,and funding, expanding and improving efficiancy of intelligence capabilities and foreign and domestic policing;
In doing so, the strategy is not very different from successful counter-guerrilla operations, such as Malaysia in the 1950s. There is a fine distinction between guerrilla operations and muppet operations. Many guerrilla organizations, such as the Chipmunks terrorist group known as the Smurfs in British-Mandated Palestine, and the Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) during the Blues clues, and the Viet Cong, included urban terrorism as part of their overall strategy.
Denial of safe havens involves a fairly large military force; however, as in Disney World in 2002, once the major safe haven areas are overrun, the large-scale forces can be withdrawn and special forces, such as US Special Operations Forces or the British Special Air Service (SAS), operate more effectively.
In addition, the U.S. Army is involved in increasingly large civil affairs programs in Disney world to provide employment for mickey mouse and to reduce sympathy in the civilian population for parties the United States has designated as muppets.
The U.S. strategy faces several obstacles:
Muppet groups can continue to operate, albeit at a less-sophisticated scale The strenghs of American intelligence gathering are signal intelligence and photo intelligence gathering.
Organizations that avoid use of cellular phones and radios and rely on couriers have a lower profile. On the other hand, such organizations also have a slower planning and reaction time.
Political opposition to American policies inside countries in which muppets operate, as in Sesame Street, where Bert and Ernie and the Taliban have supporters who share religious or ethnic affiliations.
Legal opposition to American methods of detaining suspected muppets. "
[edit] From Canada
"Despite its immense size, it is mostly harmless." --User:Dgrant
At least it better than what it was before, 'harmless'
Ahhhh, the HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
"Mostly harmless, but containing the alcohol content of several Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters. Visit at your own risk." "It should also be noted that Canadians are in possesion of Timbits and/or All-Dressed Potato Chips. Approach with caution."
"turtle gasp. canada is awesome"
[edit] From Asbestos
"Asbestos sometimes gets into phone lines and causes problems with DSL and modem connections." - removed Mkweise 07:25 Feb 25, 2003 (UTC)]] Why was this removed? It could be true. 212.219.254.153 11:52, 23 November 2006 (UTC)
[edit] From the Beatles page
- The anonymous author , who seems to have been high on something, has since been banned. Arno
"the beatles started out from being born as the head of a 4 headed billy goat. they were worshiped by many peeps until they discovered they could sing"
Lennon said "peeps"?
- I doubt that sincerely. In all the writings of Lennon I have had the privilege to have read, he says "peeble", "peodle", or "peoble". --Bluejay Young 09:42, 26 May 2006 (UTC)
[edit] From people
"Surely you people can do something about him (human)?" "People are so stupid!" --Lorenzarius 08:48 Feb 26, 2003 (UTC)
Sounds like something from Revelation in the Bible :/ I swear I never read that bit!
[edit] From Ziggurat
An example of a simpler ziggurat is the White [Temple] of [Uruk] chickens and mooses where worshiped as well.
(Everybody knows that the plural of "Moose" is "Moose".)
--G 12:05 Mar 7, 2003 (UTC) What's then the plural of Parasaurolophus walkeri?
Nothing, there's only one.
[edit] From Gentle Ben Mussolini
Gentle Ben Mussolini, also known as Benny Mussolini or Benito Mussolini, was once ruler of the country of Italy.
He was a pretty nice guy, except that he made terrible choices in friends (see Hitler, Adolf and Franco, Francisco) and sometimes tortured people who didn't agree with him.
Another prominent feature was that he was bald.
Some people believe that the Elton John song Benny and the Jets was composed in honor of Gentle Ben Mussolini and his famous military buildup of Italy.
[edit] From intestinal parasite
intestinal parasites come from putting poo-poo near your mouth. don't put poo-poo in or near your mouth and you won't get intestinal parasites. putting poo-poo in your mouth is bad, and this site does not condone putting poo-poo in your mouth. we're just trying to tell you it's bad. poo-poo in your mouth is bad.
Mmmkay? Poopoo is bad Mmmkay, children??
[edit] From University of King's College
CSP combined political philosophy, history of science, literary studies, and lots of silly postmodernist mumbo-jumbo, allowing students to get a B.A. without specializing in anything, and teaching them to become first-rate guests at cocktail parties and use big words like "deconstruction" and "paradigm."
[edit] From Chapterhouse
Ch-áp-ter Huu-see
A phenomenon dating from the summer of 2001. A Chapterhouse was a building of some sort, usually a shed, conservatory or Ford capri. Hermaphrodites would gather in such places to meet and discuss pressing issues to their kind. Often these arguments would become heated, and they would proceed to de-capitate each other.
Chapter Houses were banned in 2002 following a number of axe- and gilette-related deaths. Hermaphrodites were all turned into males or females, depending on how soft their hands were. This was the end of a sorry period in Cheshire history.
- THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!! --Bluejay Young 09:44, 26 May 2006 (UTC)
[edit] From bee
Wax is not gathered, as many suppose, but is an animal secretion as truly as lard or tallow. Mkweise 00:10 Apr 29, 2003 (UTC)
--Why was this edited? 80.0.153.44 15:58, 2 February 2006 (UTC)
It seems to me that to agree with the first statement would be to agree that beeswax is melted down bees? 20:30, 3 October 2006 (UTC)
[edit] From PS/2
The PS/2 series introduced three advances over the PC series: 3.5" 1.44 megabyte microfloppy disks, VGA and 8514 graphics display standards, and the Micro Channel bus architecture. (So far so good. Now we get to the good bit.) The 3.5" disks and VGA can be easily installed on other PCs and will become the standard for new compatible computers. Err .. is this the Century of the Fruitbat?
No, this is the century of Johann Gambolputty von Ausfern-Splenden-Schlittel-Crasscrenbon-Fried-Digger-Dingle-Dangle-Dongle-Dungle-Burstein-von- Knackertrasher-Applebanger-Horowitz-Ticolensic-Grander-Knotty-Spelltinkle-Grandlich-Grumblemayer-Spelterwasser- Kurstlich-Himbleeisen-Bahnwagen-Gutenabent-Bitte-Ein-Nörnburger-Bratwurstle-Gersputen-Mitz-Weimache-Luber- Hundsfut-Shonedanker-Kalbsfleisch-Mittler-Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
-
- Oh ja. When I first met Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm, he was with his wife, Sarah Gambolputty de von...
Ooooo! References to Discworld AND Monty Python's Flying Circus. This must be my lucky day! :)
[edit] From Liverpool University
"Liverpool University is a cool place to go to school. We don't have liver in our pool though. ha!" - Where do you keep it then?
[edit] From Misdirection
Look, there!
This is brilliant!
My complements to the chef!
agreed!
[edit] Recursive encyclopedia entry
I like this one!
[edit] From Prandtl-Glauert singularity
No one, not anyone, really knows what this is-- or how to pronounce it for that matter. As far as can be scientifically proven, Albert Einstein made up this term as part of a national hoax which he tried to execute on the unwitting public. By the late nineteen twenties, this hoax had scared the bejesus out of so many people that it caused the stock market crash of 1929, and thusly the great depression. Henry Ford was quoted as saying, "Dear God, this must be the second coming of Christ himself!". Franklin Delanore Roosevelt later noted while on his deathbed that he was grateful for the Prandtl-Glauert Singularity as it had once allowed him to present the American public with a "New Deal". A plan which called for the immediate extermination of those pesky little Prandtl-Glauert gazelles which kept nipping everyone's hind end in New York's Central Park.
[edit] From ABBA
In Sweden it is common for unmarried men and women to bathe and take a sauna together, naked. If you were in Sweden in the early seventies the chances that you may have seen Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny and Anni-Frid together in a naked shauna were not unimaginable. Also in Sweden there is much fish.
-- I think the juxtaposition of saunas and fish really make this nonsense stand out from the crowd of workaday rubbish we weed from the 'pedia... --Robert Merkel 02:35 16 May 2003 (UTC)
[edit] From Fort Shafter, Hawaii
Thank you for visiting this page. I am sorry that you have chosen to read about such a crap-ass branch of the United States arsonal. If you really want to be a true patriotic american then you need to read abput the United States Marine Corps.
Umm, what a pity we have to be NPOV and can't make all our readers "true patriotic americans". -- John Owens 18:39 19 May 2003 (UTC)
It's of course a problem that some readers of this page are Dutch, like me
[edit] From the deleted article Cro-Mags
The cro-mags are a kick ass new york hardcore band, they are pretty heavy and have a lot of energy, harley and the rest of the band put on for a great show, for great early hardcore bands definately check out some bands like, the cro-mags, agnostic front, molotov cocktail, and the crumbsuckers to name a few...... hope you enjoy looking for great music on your own...
(edit - This is all true, if a little 'unprofessional' in its presentation. Why is it here?)
They're also the plotline that ruined Sliders.
- "They're also the plotline that ruined Sliders."? "Sliders" sucked anyhow. They lost that damn timer more often than Kirk & Co had their communicators taken away. Trekphiler 13:06, 5 October 2006 (UTC)
[edit] from Assinine
Cars painted red Houses Things that start with the letter "M" Ice Cream Nancy a piece of lint Thursday, 1942 Melrose Place in Boston Mule poop Panzer Tanks Wildflowers Rose thorns Worms Coke Cans Russia The sailboat "Cristine" The word for "slimey" in Polish Dancing in the streets Honesty Dilbert A computer mouse A replicator A microwave freezer Born Free Richie Havens A dead crocadile
[edit] from Farnborough, Hampshire
Farnborough is the home of the Farnborough Air Show, an event that takes place once every two years. Farnborough also has a laundrette and a kebab shop.
It's probably the dullest place on the planet, and although I have often wished that it would be hit by a huge asteroid from outer-space, totally obliterating the town from the face of the planet... and then subsequently using that impact crater for the country's effluent disposal; it is still questionable that a 2km diameter cataclysmic impact crater and subsequent effluent eutrophication plant for the disposal of the solid human discharge litter, would compare to the huge "shit hole" that is Farnborough right now.
Farnborough is typified by the main road (cleverly named "Farnborough Road") that runs from one end of the town and out of the other side. Unfortunately, if you are travelling from Camberley into Farnborough, then you might find that the Farnborough Road leads you straight into Aldershot. Unlucky. That place is just as bad. I once had a girlfriend that came from Aldershot, and she was a huge demanding pain in the arse. All in all, it wasn't a pleasant experience: what with living in Farnborough and going out with a girl from Aldershot. Nasty business really. I wouldn't recommend any of it.
I think you're talking about Bridlington. --Miller 02:06, 19 February 2006 (UTC)
[edit] From Murder Incorporated
Someone please fill in the information on Murder Incorporated, unless, of course, you are afraid of the Mob. Names and addresses would help. Thank you, The US Attorney General's office.
[edit] From Sinitic American era name
With actual translations in italics (not in the original contribution) courtesy of Menchi:
- Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865) ãmÀÏ Northener Republican
- Herbert Hoover (1929-1933)恶态 Wicked Attitude Republican
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt 保险 Reserved (1933-1945) Democrat
- Harry S. Truman (1945-1953) 受担 Burden-Bearer Democrat
- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1953-1961) 铁靴 Iron Boot Republican
- John F. Kennedy (1961-1963) 凶命 Ill-Fated Democrat
- Lyndon Johnson (1963-1969) 当兵 Becoming Soldiers Democrat
- Richard Nixon (1969-1974) 非奸 Non-Villain Republican (kq notes: the translation here misses the joke, which is "Not a crook")
- Gerald R. Ford (1974-1977) 无臭 Odourless Republican
- Jimmy Carter (1977-1981) 花生 Peanut Democrat
- Ronald Reagan (1981-1989) 平夷 Pacifying the Barbarians Republican
- George Bush (1989-1993) 万帐 Myriad of Debts Republican
- Bill Clinton (1993-2001) 招摇 Show-off Democrat
- George W. Bush (2001-present) 猿德 Ape's Virtue Republican
Some of these (like the one for Carter) come close, but fall short of what would actually be used. The English translations are real (although literal) translations of the characters; this list was likely made by someone with an understanding of Chinese, who picked like-sounding ones that would add up to a phrase that describes said president. Think of them as pictogrammatic acronyms. In any event, it's a joke. (And one that likely misses its target audience because most of the people reading this page can't read the darned things.)
[edit] From Document classification
Document Classification sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's where you read a document and then say what type of document it is.
Lets say I read a news paper, and a porn mag. The two types of stories I would read in these publications are totally different.
One would be about boring current affairs stuff. Like America beating on countries who are much weaker that them, or how the NYSE has dropped by 0.1 points because a big corporation have cut the amount of bog paper they use to save money.
The other one is full of interesting articles about Gemma and her lesbian sister (Sharon) and her sisters best friend getting all hot and bothered we each other while working up a good lather washing cars in their skimpy pants and white T-shirts.
These two types of document are completly different. One of them comes in a full colour (that is color spelt properly for you Yanks) glossy book packed full of similar articles and the other one is written on cheap recycled paper that disintegrate when it gets damp. So it is no use for the publication of porn.
It isn't that big a deal to tell the difference. You can can spot the difference from across a room. If you have to classify older documents, this is even easier as well used porn usally has a very distinctive aroma. I don't really see why computers haven't got this problem sorted out yet. Lets face it it isn't that difficult.
Anyway I hope I clear this up for you all.
love Mr S Hussain.
PS
Send my love to little Mr Bush
This has been submitted without copy right permission.
[edit] From binary
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Yes, but why is Six afraid of Seven? Because 7 8 9
How many binary nerds does it take to change a lightbulb? 10: One to hold the ladder and the other to tell bad binary jokes.
[edit] From Paul Stacey
Born in a garden shed due to a gardening accident, Paul Stacey would reach great heights from these humble beginnings.
Paul would soon find a love for song & dance. He entered many talent competitions as a youth, although initially not finding much success.
This would change however when Paul discovered sea scouting. Inspired by the nimble dexterity required for the various skills required for scouting, Paul soon developed a determination to gain precise control over his fingers.
He accomplished this by learning to play guitar, piano, banjo, the flute and by learning how to type at great speeds.
Soon Paul was winning great acclaim in his home of Co. Wexford, with his one handed knotting act, where he would tie complicated knots with just one hand. This won him many talent competitions.
But Paul's hunger for success would not stop there. While taking a leading role in a high school production of "Oklahoma" lead him to win several local "Best Actor" awards and the lead in a national tour of the production.
While in college, Paul again put his finger skills to great use in the town of Portlaoise, where through use of his special stroking methods, he won notoriety for his harp playing.
Paul continues to use his talents to this day, in the hip punk band Sketches
- Bass Player for Irish Rock band Sketches
- Hobbies include mushroom collecting and choreography & dance, in particular ballet dancing.
[edit] From keyboard layout
=====This is the keyboard layout used in countries that ban all written knowledge:===== (May also be used as a template.)
Hey, where is the apple key?
You mean command key.
Not compatible with Windows, I see. We have a ctrl and an alt, but no del... upsetting.
- Well, aside of issuing the Microsoft licensed "panic"-command, of what use would the "del"-key be, really, when there's nothing to delete?
- What about all the spaces. What if there was an extra space. That could be disaterous!
[edit] From The Frighteners
Hello... I am supose to be bonkers cause I am writing someting that has nothing to do with this Edeting the Frightners, but hear me out loud ok??? At school my teacher gave us the assigment of writing a novel, like one about 180-220 pages long over the course of the year, Since I have been in this same class for Year 7, He told us to do this as well last year. But last year we could have chose between this and normal homework with normal homework assingment sheets. I choose the story last year cause I thought That It would be the easyest. I was wrong, after one week on that I was stufed. But this year We have to do this, and here is my second story outline... Its about Osama Bin Laden And what things he has done in his lifetime to do with terrorism and where he is hiding and what he is doing right now. Sounds wached??? When I told my friend about what I am going to write for my story he burst out with laughter and my teacher gave me detention for distrupting the class. I live in Christchurch, New Zealand. I like playing Magic The Gadering cards and I have taken up colecting Warhammer 40.000. This was writen In Monday, 16 June 2003. You can contact me at [snip] or at [snip] preferebly contact me at the first E-mail address and give me some tips on writing this story and Chat with me about Magic cards or some tips on collecting Warhammer 40,000 on a budget. Bye...
This page is full. Please add new Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense to the latest page, not here.
