Safeword
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
- This article is about the use of safewords in BDSM, for their use in contact sports see Safeword (sports).
A safeword[1] is a codeword or series of codewords that are sometimes used in BDSM to mean that a submissive (or 'bottom') is reaching a physical, emotional or moral boundary or for the dominant (or 'top') to stop the sceneplay. Safewords are agreed upon before playing a scene by all participants. Many organized BDSM groups have standard safewords that all members agree to use to avoid confusion at organized play events.
[edit] Various BDSM uses
In BDSM, the safeword is generally used so that the 'bottom' can scream "no, stop", etc. as much as he/she wants without really meaning it, and still have a way of indicating a serious desire that the scene stops. Accordingly, a safeword is usually a word that the person would not ordinarily say during sex, such as red light, big tree, scrambled eggs, or even safeword.
Some partners have different gradations of safeword, such as green to mean "ok" or even "harder" or "more," yellow to mean "slow down" or "stop doing that" without stopping the scene, and red to mean "let's stop the scene". In other circumstances the safeword may not be a "word" at all, which is very useful when the submissive is bound and gagged . In these instances a signal such as dropping a bell or a ball, the snapping of fingers, or making three clear and rhythmic grunts or some other specific vigorous movement works as a pre-defined signal to stop or otherwise slow down the scene. There is also a convention of tops to put a finger in the 'bottom' 's hand as a sort of 'check in' when the 'bottom' has become non-verbal, such as may happen as they reach subspace. In this scenario the 'bottom' squeezes the 'top's finger to indicate OK.
Another way to use safe words is for a 'top' to ask the 'bottom' "What is your color?" -- So in addition to red and yellow, green is a common safe word used to indicate, "I'm fine" or even "push harder."
In the case of sexual role-play, some simply drop out of character to safeword, such as having the submissive address the dominant by his/her first name.
While many in the BDSM community consider safewords an essential part of safe play, there is a significant contingent that does not have any such term in their relationships or their play. Some of these people simply use the word Stop, but this is risky because it may be misinterpreted as role-playing. Others rely on the 'top' to monitor the condition of the 'bottom' and stop if necessary, at their discretion. In such circumstances the 'bottom' or submissive must have consented not to have control over the duration of the scene in advance.
Interestingly some of those who recommend safewords do not, themselves, use them -- though this is not often discussed in public. There is an undercurrent assumption that play without safewords is an "advanced" technique and should not be advocated in the hearing of novices. BDSM activity without a safeword is regarded by many as inadvisable and dangerous. Ignoring safewords is considered dishonorable and a deeply immoral practice in the BDSM community.
[edit] Other usages
During the filming of The Blair Witch Project, the actors used the safeword of "taco" to indicate that they were going to break character and discuss the progression of the film.
