Worldwide etiquette
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As expectations regarding good manners differ from person to person and vary according to each situation, no treatise on the rules of etiquette nor any list of potential faux pas can ever be complete. To avoid giving offense, it is best to use a conservative and observant approach in any social situation where one is unfamiliar with cultural expectations.
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[edit] Areas of general concern
Faux pas in the following areas are common around the world. The specifics vary from place to place, but these are all areas of human activity in which faux pas can be committed whether traveling across the globe or visiting with a next door neighbor. As the perception of behaviors and actions vary, intercultural competence is essential.
[edit] Consideration
Etiquette begins with some sensitivity to the perceptions and feelings of others and the intention not to offend. This includes consideration in areas including:
- Creating unwanted distractions by talking loudly in a quiet restaurant, using a mobile phone in a theatre or idly drumming one’s fingers on a pew during church services.
- Failing to consider when other’s preferences or habits differ from one’s own in such ways as subjecting an entire train load of people to one’s own music, heavily spicing a meal to be shared by many with one’s own favorite seasoning (such as fish sauce or garlic), or making a phonecall too late at night or early in the morning for the recipient’s schedule.
- Willfully introducing a potentially noxious element such as a crying baby, a lit cigarette or an ill-behaved dog into an environment where it its neither expected nor desired.
- Ignoring social obligations such as meeting a friend at a pre-appointed time, acknowledging the birthday of a close relative with a greeting card or some congratulatory token, or text messaging to the detriment of a face-to-face conversation.
While the concept of consideration is universal, expectations in this regard vary along cultural lines. For example, many Finns are relatively soft-spoken and reserved. Therefore, a conversation that would seem rudely boisterous in Helsinki might not be seen as such where people typically express themselves with more gusto, such as a Puerto Rican community.
[edit] Enthusiasm
- The amount of enthusiasm or restraint one displays in such situations as greeting people, saying thank you, and giving compliments can constitute a faux pas in certain situations. Some people say goodbye with hugs and kisses, others say it with a grunt and a nod of the head. Both the kissers and the grunters might be committing a faux pas depending upon the setting and the expectations of others.
- Some generalizations about this matter on a country-by-country basis might be helpful, but is a matter in which individual personalties matter a great deal. Accordingly, one should be observant on a per situation basis to avoid committing a faux pas.
[edit] Gift giving
Giving and receiving gifts can be a complex matter.
- In some places it is a faux pas to open a gift in front of the giver. Elsewhere it is a faux pas not to do so. Ask the locals.
- In most places, it is inappropriate to indicate the value of your gifts by failing to remove the price tag.
- Certain gifts are taboo in certain situations. As noted below, certain gifts conflict with the belief system of many Chinese people regarding good luck and bad luck. Other gifts are taboo for different reasons, such as a man in North America giving red roses to a woman married to another man. Many of these specific taboos are noted below.
[edit] Humor
Humor is a delicate art. Attempts at humor in unfamiliar situations are always risky.
- Deprecating humor always involves a risk of offense. For example, a Canadian with four Filipino friends might get a bad reaction when making a joke based on Filipino stereotypes, even after hearing these four friends engage in this humor over a long period of time.
- Deprecating humor can offend even when the listener is not the subject of the humor. For example, a joke about gay people might offend some straight people as well.
- Imitation is often not flattering. Scots are unlikely to enjoy a Californian’s impersonation of Billy Connolly, nor are Californians likely to enjoy a Scot’s impersonation of Moon Unit Zappa.
- Risqué means risky, and it is. What is acceptably risqué not only varies from place to place, it varies from person to person. Overstepping the bounds of sexual or scatological humor is among the most serious faux pas one can commit.
- Lastly, be mindful that people who appear to take amusement might actually be offended but prefer not to show offense either out of nervousness or as a point of etiquette.
[edit] Inquisition
- Asking questions can be a way to express curiosity, concern and enthusiasm. However, questions about a person's age, employment status, marital/romantic situation, place of residence and other personal matters can be a faux pas. Although this sort of information-sharing is somewhat dependent on cultural background, individual personality plays a great role as well.
[edit] Language
Most faux pas involving language belong more to a language textbook than this list; nevertheless, a few are sufficiently likely to be committed by people who haven't mastered a language that they merit mention.
- Some languages mark familiarity and/or respect using T-V distinction. This often applies to common phrases such as "how are you" that are sometimes learned in isolation (such as from phrase books).
- Which part of name and/or title to use to address people can be problematic. Some languages distinguish male and female forms of surnames. Many cultures put surnames first. Most languages use forms of address which don’t directly correspond with the titles such as Mr., Miss, Mrs., and Ms. that are familiar to speakers of English.
- Be especially careful when addressing people who have higher social status (such as one’s employer) and people who are older. This applies not only in regard to forms of address but to what slang words and topics might be inappropriate.
[edit] Lumping & splitting
- There are many issues involved with failing to discern people with one ethnic, national, religious, linguistic or cultural identity with others who don't share their identity. New Zealanders rarely appreciate being called Australian, most Guatemalans won't like being called Mexicans, and so on.
- Some of these of issues can be as obvious as failing to differentiate between Korean people and Japanese people or as relatively esoteric as confusing Khoikhoi with the closely-related Bushmen or failing to comprehend that certain natives of Netherlands prefer to identify as Frisian or Flemish rather than Dutch. Further complicating the issue is that someone might consider themselves Hopi (for example) while other Hopi people might not.
- Although “lumping” is the biggest danger, sometimes “splitting” can result in a faux pas instead. An example might be trying to discern whether someone is Irish Catholic or Anglo-Irish.
- These distinctions are far beyond the scope of this article. When in doubt, avoid characterizing people according to a cultural identity. Make inquiries regarding identity carefully (if at all) and with consideration about how close a relationship you have with the person being questioned.
[edit] What to wear
- In some countries, shoes are removed when entering a home. Depending on the culture, they may be removed outside the door or inside the foyer. Elsewhere, removing one's shoes might be a faux pas.
- Men's hats commonly need to be removed in various circumstances such attending a church service or funeral, when eating dinner, etc. In some places, wearing a hat indoors in any situation is considered impolite.
- Conversely, there are places where men are expected to wear some sort of head covering, especially in relation to Jewish and Muslim holy places.
- Many circumstances limit the amount of skin considered appropriate in a given situation. For both men and women, the choice to wear revealing clothes (i.e. short pants, small t-shirts, short skirts, etc.) risks a breach of etiquette when one is unfamiliar with the circumstances. Short pants that are quite acceptable (for example) in an Episcopal chapel in a laid-back seaside resort might raise eyebrows in a stuffy restaurant or conservative household a few miles inland.
[edit] Taking offense
Warnings against committing faux pas work both ways. Failing to recognize that one has committed a faux pas might lead the observer to believe that one is willfully rude, annoying, inconsiderate, etc. Acting upon this mis-belief is essentially a second faux pas committed in reaction to the first.
