Saturday Night Live characters appearing on Weekend Update
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Weekend Update has been a platform for Saturday Night Live characters to grow and gain popularity ever since Gilda Radner used it to create Emily Litella and Roseanne Roseannadanna. Many cast members have used Update as the primary vehicle for a certain character. Don Novello was featured almost exclusively on the news segment as his breakout character, Father Guido Sarducci, and Tim Kazurinsky, in the face of Eddie Murphy's overshadowing popularity, created characters almost exclusively for Update. Before becoming an anchor on Update, Colin Quinn used the segment as his main sounding board as well.
Significant characters who appeared chiefly on Weekend Update are listed here in chronological order of their first appearance on the show. Each character's write-up is followed by a list of episodes in which they appeared. The episodes also denote who the SNL news anchor was at the time (if there is no anchor listed, it was the same as the previous listing). Some Update characters don't appear here because they fit better into one of the other categories listed below.
Character Lists: Alphabetical and Chronological
Character Categories:
[edit] Emily Litella
Emily Litella was an elderly woman with a hearing problem played by Gilda Radner in the late 1970s. She would frequently rant about topics about which she had misread or misheard, such as "Presidential Erections" and "Canker Research". Her catchphrase was "Never mind!", said after she was informed of her mistake.
[edit] Roseanne Roseannadanna
Roseanne Roseannadanna was another character played by Gilda Radner, as a commentator on Weekend Update from 1977 to 1980. She was a brash New Yorker with a thick Brooklyn accent who would read a letter asking a series of questions, almost always by "Richard Feder of Fort Lee, New Jersey" (Fort Lee being the site of an NBC studio). While answering the questions, she would go off on a disgusting tangent--usually about a celebrity doing something gross, and have to be halted by anchor Jane Curtin.
[edit] Lester Crackfield
Played by Al Franken, Lester represented (as correspondent Laraine Newman put it) "the plight of the modern coal miner". He appeared only twice.
[edit] Father Guido Sarducci
Father Guido Sarducci was a chain-smoking priest with tinted eyeglasses played by Don Novello in the 1970s who worked as a gossip columnist and rock critic for L'Osservatore Romano, a Vatican newspaper.
He appeared on a number of TV shows, albums, and cartoons outside of Saturday Night Live, and also made newspaper headlines when he visited Vatican City wearing his full outfit and taking photos. Novello was arrested and charged with "impersonating a priest", but the charges were later dropped. The character first appeared in the 1970s on The Danny Finkleman Show on CBC Radio.
[edit] Chico Escuela
Chico Escuela, played by Garrett Morris, was the Weekend Update sports correspondent. A retired Hispanic ballplayer with limited command of the English language, he wrote the tell-all book Bad Stuff About the Mets (sample: "Tom Seaver - he once borrow Chico's soap and no give it back"). In spring training 1979, Chico's unsuccessful comeback attempt was documented on several Update segments. The character was first introduced in a St. Mickey's Knights of Columbus sketch, but subsequently Escuela appeared solely on Update.
Typically he would be introduced by Jane Curtin, thus compelling him to say, "Thank you, Hane." Soon would follow his standard catchphrase: "Baseball been berry, berry good to me!" Sammy Sosa, at the peak of his stardom in the late 1990s, would sometimes repeat that line as a joke, to the media, albeit in his true-to-life strong Hispanic accent.
[edit] Big Vic Ricker
Ricker, portrayed by Harry Shearer, succeeded Chico Escuela as Weekend Update's sports commentator. He was prone to speaking very fast and in a gruff voice.
[edit] Dr. Jack Badofsky
Dr. Jack Badofsky was played by Tim Kazurinsky in a series of appearances on SNL Newsbreak or Saturday Night News (the monikers for Weekend Update during the Ebersol years). The doctor would inform the audience about different strains of diseases like influenza or rabies, and each strain would be a rhyming pun (i.e. "Should you be bitten by an ownerless dog, that’s Straybies, and a foaming French poodle can give you Qu’est-ce Que-C’estbies"). Badofsky stuttered in a timid, wavering tone, indicating that he was perhaps ashamed of the horribly cheesy puns that came out of his mouth.
[edit] Episodes featuring Dr. Jack Badofsky
- March 20, 1982: anchors Brian Doyle-Murray, Mary Gross
- April 17, 1982: anchors Brian Doyle-Murray, Christine Ebersole
- May 15, 1982
- November 13, 1982: anchor Brad Hall
- December 11, 1982
- February 5, 1983
- March 12, 1983
- October 22, 1983
- December 3, 1983
- January 21, 1984
- May 12, 1984: special guest anchor Edwin Newman
[edit] Siobhan Cahill
Cahill, played by Mary Gross, commented on the Irish-American news. Though she was a recurring character, she only appeared on "Saturday Night News" once. During the 1991-92 season, SNL would have featured players by the names of Siobhan Fallon and Beth Cahill.
[edit] Patti Lynn Hunnsacker
Patti Lynn Hunnsacker was Saturday Night News's teenage correspondent who complained about matters concerning adolescents, such as proms and dates. She was played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
[edit] Dwight MacNamara
He was a narrator for educational films played by Gary Kroeger. At times, he would imitate the warbly sound of an incorrectly-threaded film projector.
[edit] Worthington Clotman
An NBC censor played by Tim Kazurinsky. He was an uptight gentleman who wore a bow-tie and glasses. The character was based on the head NBC censor at the time, Bill Clotworthy.
[edit] Episodes featuring Worthington Clotman
- January 28, 1984: anchor Don Rickles
- February 25, 1984: anchor Edwin Newman
- May 12, 1984 in "Mayor Koch's Neighborhood": host Ed Koch
[edit] Wayne Huevos
Huevos was a suave albeit smarmy Latin-American businessman played by Tim Kazurinsky. He often appeared on "Saturday Night News" with ideas to clean up New York City.
[edit] Lew Goldman
Goldman was an old Jewish stereotype played by Billy Crystal. He was prone to commenting on his disrespectful family while doing various commentaries. He also coughed and cleared his throat frequently, due to an apparent excess of phleghm. One of his most memorable insults was: "I have coughed up things that were more interesting than you!"
[edit] Buddy Young, Jr.
Buddy Young, Jr. was a Las Vegas lounge comedian played by Billy Crystal. This is a rare example of a little known character spinning off into a feature film. Although Buddy Young, Jr. only appeared three times on SNL, he was the principal character in the 1992 film, Mr. Saturday Night.
[edit] Episodes featuring Buddy Young, Jr.
- November 3, 1984: host Michael McKean
- February 9, 1985: host Harry Anderson
- April 6, 1985: host Christopher Reeve
[edit] Nathan Thurm
This was a character created by Martin Short. A shady lawyer, Thurm was a chain-smoker, quite paranoid, and constantly in denial about his paranoia. "I'm not paranoid. You're the one who's paranoid." When questioned, his catch phrase often included, "It's so funny to me that you would think ..." He would also look into the camera and express his puzzlement at the questioner by asking, "Is it me, or is it him? It's him, right?"
Perhaps the best known appearance of Thurm was in a 1984 SNL sketch that was a send-up of 60 Minutes. Harry Shearer played Mike Wallace, accusing Thurm of being involved in corporate corruption. Thurm of course denied everything and nervously tried to turn the tables on Wallace.
Thurm was later reprised on Martin Short's short-lived talk show in 1999-2000.
[edit] Tommy Flanagan, the Pathological Liar
The Pathological Liar is a character created and portrayed by Jon Lovitz, often appearing on Weekend Update segments to share his viewpoint, as well as in sketches. The character's name was actually Tommy Flanagan (pronounced [flə-'nā-gən]), and he would tell outrageous, unbelievable lies to make himself sound important. One recurring lie was claiming he was married to Morgan Fairchild. His speech pattern made him seem to be making up the lies on the spot, and if he came up with a particularly good lie he would say his catchphrase, "That's the ticket!"
[edit] Frenchie
Frenchie would appear on "Weekend Update" during Dennis Miller's tenure. Jon Lovitz portrayed Frenchie dressed in stereotypical French clothes and would speak in a stereotypical French accent. When Frenchie would finish a statement on something he would add "I'm Frenchie, I'm from France!"
[edit] Babette
[edit] Mr. Subliminal
Played by Kevin Nealon, he was originally an advertising executive (named Phil Maloney) who used subliminal messages to influence people. His appearances on Update utilized the subliminal technique (i.e. saying things rapidly and under his breath, in between sentences) to reveal what he is really thinking. For example, in an editorial on the 1994 caning of Michael Fay, he stated that:
"...the boy admitted to spray painting cars but he's only eighteen and young people often do stupid and impulsive things they later regret Shannen Doherty. I happen to think [pause] that everyone's entitled to one mistake Euro Disney. And I'm not saying there aren't [pause] those who I'd love to see get a good flogging Urkel. It's just that [pause] I'm afraid we've become so insensitive that we've learned to accept the idea of a man's beating in public Pee Wee Herman."
[edit] A Grumpy Old Man
Portrayed by Dana Carvey, he was an embittered archetypical grandfather figure with white hair, glasses, and a sour sneer. He would usually appear as a commentator complaining about the state of the world, mainly in regard to many modern conveniences. His complaints always included differences between today and "his day" ("In my day, we didn't have safety standards for toys. We got rusty nails and big bags of broken glass! That's the way it was, and we liked it! We loved it!").
In Season 15, Episode 17, Grumpy Old Man was introduced by Dennis Miller:
Dennis Miller: And now here with a commentary is Grumpy Old Man! Welcome, Grumpy! [applause for Grumpy Old Man, an elderly, bespectacled, gray-haired man in a sweater]
Grumpy Old Man: I'm oooooold! And I'm not happy! And I don't like things now compared to the way they used to be. All this progress -- phooey! In my day, we didn't have these cash machines that would give you money when you needed it. There was only one bank in each state -- it was open only one hour a year. And you'd get in line, seventeen miles long, and the line became an angry mob of people -- fornicators and thieves, mutant children and circus freaks -- and you waited for years and by the time you got to the teller, you were senile and arthritic and you couldn't remember your own name. You were born, got in line, and ya died! And that's the way it was and we liked it!
Life was simpler then. There wasn't all this concern about hy-giene! It my days, we didn't have Kleenex. When you turned seventeen, you were given the family handkerchief. ... It hadn't been washed in generations and it stood on its own ... filled with diseases and swarmin' with flies. ... If you tried to blow your nose, you'd get an infection and your head would swell up and turn green and children would burst into tears at the sight o' ya! And that's the way it was and we liked it!
Life was a carnival! We entertained ourselves! We didn't need moooovin' pitchurrrres. In my day, there was only one show in town -- it was called "Stare at the sun!" ... That's right! You'd sit in the middle of an open field and stare up at the sun till your eyeballs burst into flames! And you thought, "Oh, no! Maybe I shouldn't've stared directly into the burning sun with my eyes wide open." But it was too late! Your head was on fire and people were roastin' chickens over it. ... And that's the way it was and we liked it!
Progress?! Flobble-de-flee! In my day, when we were angry and frustrated, we just said, "Flobble-de-flee!" 'cause we were idiots and we didn't know what else to say! Just a bunch o' illiterate Cro-Magnons, blowin' on crusty handkerchiefs, waitin' in lines for our head to burst into flame and that's the way it was and we liked it!
Dennis Miller: Grumpy Old Man! Thank you, Grumpy! [applause, Dennis tries to shake Grumpy Old Man's hand but Grumpy Old Man is too ornery to shake anybody's hand, dadgummit]
Grumpy Old Man: Flobble-de-flee! [exits]
Dennis Miller: Thank you, Grumpy!
[edit] Annoying Man
Portrayed by Jon Lovitz, he spoke in an annoying voice and made annoying noises in front of Weekend Update's Dennis Miller. These sketches often ended with Lovitz saying something in a calm, cultured, refined tone, i.e., "You don't have to shout," or "I love you."
[edit] Hollywood Minute
Hollywood Minute featured cast member David Spade making fun of celebrities. Many of his comments were considered to be controversial, and sometimes received mixed responses. In the 1995 episode, hosted by David Alan Grier, Spade derided former castmember Eddie Murphy saying, "Look, kids, it's a falling star! Make a wish!" Also in 1995, in an episode hosted by Teri Hatcher, Spade and Hatcher switched roles.
In 2005, David Spade got his own show on Comedy Central called The Showbiz Show with David Spade. This show is essentially the same as his SNL features about celebrities, extended to a half-hour format.
[edit] Queen Shenequa
[edit] Jan Brady
The middle sister from The Brady Bunch, she was portrayed by Melanie Hutsell. She would usually begin a commentary on a subject, which devolved into a comparison to something that happened on one of the Brady Bunch episodes and her frustration with her siblings who get more attention. Her catchphrase was "Marcia, Marcia, MARCIA!", referring to her older sister.
[edit] Cajun Man
Adam Sandler portrayed a man from Cajun country in Louisiana who dressed like Huckleberry Finn and spoke in a heavily exaggerated Cajun French dialect. When interviewed he would simply respond with one or two word answers, all ending in the "-tion" suffix, or similar sound. For example, when asked where his girlfriend is, he would answer "long vacation" and then being asked how he occupies his time, would answer "masturbation." The character is essentially a send-up of TV chef Justin Wilson who specialized in Cajun cuisine, and would frequently enunciate the second syllable in the word "onion".
[edit] Buster Jenkins
[edit] Opera Man
Adam Sandler portraying a stereotypical opera singer, singing news stories in a faux-foreign language (to which the words appeared in subtitles).
A few of his well-known verses include:
- "Amy Fisher, Buttafuoco,
El-knock-oh, el-shoot-oh,
In Jail-oh, no bail-oh,
Senora, you're a whore-ah!"
- "Brad Pitt sexiest,
People wrote-oh,
Operaman say,
Recount the vote-oh!" (A picture of People Magazine appears onscreen with the cover caption: Operaman: Sexiest Man Alive)
The earlier appearances of Opera Man featured him singing a higher quantity of accurate Italian lyrics, though the subtitles showed the lyrics rather than an English translation. Jon Lovitz showed up in one episode to play his older brother.
[edit] Hank Fielding
Hank Fielding was a commentator played by Robert Smigel who provided the "Moron's Perspective". He appeared to be an average commentator, but his speech was indicative that he was extremely slow, and that he clearly had a difficulty discerning fantasy from reality. In one appearance, he commented on President Bill Clinton's State of the Union Address, complaining that his overly-long speech pre-empted other shows like Jake and the Fat Man, making actor William Conrad wait nervously backstage as the President "rambled on". His appearance was supplemented by an extremely slow scrawling of his signature across the screen.
[edit] Bennett Brauer
Bennett Brauer was played by Chris Farley. In each appearance, Brauer provided commentary for Kevin Nealon's Weekend Update, vividly describing his poor hygiene, his lack of social grace, and his anger towards the viewers for preferring other photogenic commentators to him. Brauer would make regular use of finger quotes to emphasize every point he made. For example:
Maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygenic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I don't have "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely". I "make babies cry".
In one instance, Brauer was made to fly (via cables), although a technical glitch delayed the ascent, thereby creating one of SNL's most famous bloopers. As Kevin Nealon tries to get the cables untangled, Brauer exclaims, "I have a weight problem! Can't they lift me?"
[edit] Episodes featuring Bennett Brauer
[edit] The British Fops
The British Fops, or Lucian Callow (David Koechner) and Fagan (Mark McKinney) appeared in several episodes during the SNL 1995-1996 seasons. The characters first appeared on Weekend Update, but later appeared in several other sketches, namely monologues. The Fops would appear in Victorian period clothing, and used a silly take on the period's language, mannerisms, and culture, not sparing the subsequent perversion also known for the time. As part of their bit, the fops would famously appear "bare ass naked," as they put it, but of course still wearing the wigs.
[edit] Joe Blow
Joe Blow was played by Colin Quinn. A blue collar worker by trade, Blow came onto Weekend Update as a New York public service to deliver local news from Brooklyn, New York. Most of his "news" included family problems and neighborhood gossip. Joe Blow regularly concluded his commentary by asking anchor Norm MacDonald if he would join him for "a beer", which MacDonald (who clearly did not want to socialize with him) would avoid by making up an excuse, or putting it off until a later date.
[edit] Lenny the Lion
Visiting from the Bronx Zoo, Lenny the Lion (Colin Quinn in a lion suit) would come onto Weekend Update to talk about the plight of the animals, all of which had parallel problems to real life issues going on in The Bronx. Lenny would always end his rant with the line "Fur is murder". The character was very similar to "Joe Blow".
[edit] Gary MacDonald
Gary MacDonald was the fictitious younger brother of anchor Norm MacDonald. Played by David Koechner, he was supposed to be the funnier of the two MacDonald brothers, but would be overcome by fear and freeze on camera and end nearly everything he said with "no". Because of this, his commentary consisted of choppy, nervously-delivered lines such as, "Hey, Janet Reno. Hey, how does that song go, '(Dude) Looks Like A Lady,' no."
[edit] Cinder Calhoun
Portrayed by Ana Gasteyer, Calhoun was the kind of female guitar-playing, femme-power person one would find playing at Lilith Fair. In at least one episode she is introduced as the warm-up comic from the festival. Ultra-PC, she would go out of her way to pronounce ethnic-named cities in their native dialect. She professed her love for Garth Brooks in a song entitled "Adonis in Blue Jeans" when he hosted the show. On a Christmas episode she sang a song called "Christmas Chainsaw Massacre", referring to the "senseless cutting down of innocent trees for our twisted holiday pleasure". She also performed a song called "Basted in Blood" alongside Sarah McLachlan, in mockery of Fiona Apple's criticism of Butterball Turkey for having a 1-800 number featuring Thanksgiving recipes, about the plight of turkeys for a Thanksgiving broadcast.
[edit] Dominican Lou
Dominican Lou, played by Tracy Morgan, is the building super at 1901 Burnside Avenue in The Bronx. On Weekend Update in 1998 he attempted to sell Colin Quinn the signed 62nd home run ball of his fellow countryman Sammy Sosa for a million dollars, even though it was later discovered to be a foul ball hit by Gary Gaetti and signed Dominican Lou.
He also did the weather report on Good Morning, Bronx.
[edit] Gunner Olsen
Played by Jim Breuer, Olsen recapped the night's news in the style of a lead singer in a Heavy Metal band.
[edit] Jacob Silj
Jacob Silj was a Will Ferrell character who suffered from 'Voice Immodulation Syndrome', a disease which makes him unable to control the volume or inflection of his voice. Jacob begins each segment by reporting on a news item totally unrelated to Voice Immodulation Syndrome, but inevitably gets interrupted by the Weekend Update anchor, who can't stand his loud, relentless monotone. Silj then begins to educate the anchor on Voice Immodulation Syndrome, and describe situations that make the disease particularly unbearable (like praying in church, or soothing a baby to sleep). Depending on which of Silj's segments you believe, the disease affects either 700 or 6 people each year and is apparently caused by a late birth and exposure to gold dust.
[edit] Episodes featuring Jacob Silj
- December 4, 1999: anchor Colin Quinn
- April 8, 2000
- January 20, 2001: anchors Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
- April 14, 2001
[edit] Jasper Hahn
Portrayed by Horatio Sanz, he was touted as an illustrator for children's books. During his appearance, he would begin drawing what would initially be perceived as something phallic. Jimmy Fallon would bristle and try to stop him, but the drawing would usually end up as a moose or other animal with a phallic-shaped nose or proboscis.
[edit] Comedienne Jeannie Darcy
An uninspired stand up comedienne with a mullet played by Molly Shannon. At the end of each bit, she would use the catchphrase: "Don't get me started, don't even get me started."
[edit] Gay Hitler
Gay Hitler (Chris Kattan) was a character loosely based on a theory described in German historian Lothar Machtan's book The Hidden Hitler (ISBN 0-465-04309-7), which attempts to prove that Adolf Hitler was a homosexual. The Gay Hitler character was known for the catchphrase "Sprechen Sie Dick?" Gay Hitler was the author of the fictional autobiography Mein Boyfreind, a satire on Hitler's actual autobiography Mein Kampf.
Gay Hitler also appeared as Speed Skating Hitler, rendering the Sieg Heil salute repeatedly as he skated in place. This section is likely inspired by the "Hitler on Ice" preview at the end of History of the World, Part I.
[edit] Episodes featuring Gay Hitler
- October 13, 2001: anchors: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
- February 2, 2002: anchors: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
- May 18, 2002: anchors: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
- January 11, 2003: anchors: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
[edit] Drunk Girl
Drunk Girl was played by Jeff Richards between 2001 and 2003. Her eyes are always squinted shut and she has shoulder-length blonde hair, and often a bared midriff.
Drunk Girl tends to do certain things while drunk:
- tells people to "shut up!", whether or not they have actually said anything
- asks people if they want to know something repeatedly, even after they say no, slurring the words more and more as she repeats the phrase. (During the Weekend Update Halftime Special, even though Jimmy Fallon said he wanted to know, she continued to repeat the phrase anyway.)
- bursts into tears for no reason
- acts sexually promiscuous; also takes off her bra and/or lets something inappropriate, such as food, fall out of it in later episodes
- falls out of chairs frequently in later episodes
[edit] Episodes featuring Drunk Girl
| Airdate | Host | Overview |
|---|---|---|
| December 8, 2001 | Hugh Jackman | Drunk Girl hates/loves Jimmy Fallon. She knows a little Spanish: "Como te llama? That means, "What is your name?" |
| March 9, 2002 | Jon Stewart | Drunk Girl talks about Spring Break. She is an expert, because she has been going since she was twelve and experience is important to being an expert. She discusses safety with Tina Fey, saying "come at me." When Tina gives her a small smack, Drunk Girl bursts into tears. Drunk Girl also hits on Tina, who refuses to kiss her but secretly wants to. |
| April 13, 2002 | The Rock | The only appearance of Drunk Girl outside of Weekend Update, she breaks into SNL Studios with her friend Pamm (The Rock), and is discovered by Seth Meyers. It is established that Tracy Morgan let them in. It was immediately done after the Rock had finished a sketch lampooning The Scorpion King, and the same set was still used to make it appear like Drunk Girl and her friend are actually trespassing on the SNL stage. |
| May 18, 2002 | Winona Ryder | Will Ferrell as Neil Diamond sings a song, and invites characters on stage. Drunk Girl joins Darrell Hammond as Geraldo Rivera, Chris Kattan as Gay Hitler and the 'real' Neil Diamond. |
| November 16, 2002 | Brittany Murphy | Drunk Girl discusses a study about red wine. Drinking 21 glasses a week is supposed to make one's memory better, but all Drunk Girl can remember is throwing up in her own hair like your mom. Also, Brittany Murphy is nasty. |
| January 26, 2003 | no guest -- Weekend Update Halftime Special | Drunk Girl discusses her new favorite drinking game: "I take a Jello shot every time I see a Jello shot." She also says she's a role model because her breasts are real. (This is the first episode in which Drunk Girl loses her bra.) |
| April 5, 2003 | Bernie Mac | Drunk Girl attends Spring Break again. This time, she has a dalliance with Javier, 56, who apparently treats his grandchildren well. Only one half of Drunk Girl's body is tan/burned. |
| May 17, 2003 | Dan Aykroyd | Drunk Girl mistakes the Update desk for a tanning booth and proclaims she will make out with Don Pardo after the show. She flashes Jimmy Fallon, who is rather disgusted, and says that "one day I'm going to use these to feed our babies." |
| November 1, 2003 | Kelly Ripa | Drunk Girl shows up in her Halloween costume as Catwoman because. She shares the M&Ms in her catsuit with Jimmy Fallon, although one of them's not an M&M. |
[edit] Fericito
Fericito is a character from Saturday Night Live played by Fred Armisen. A Venezuelan nightclub comedian, he premiered in the October 5, 2002 episode in Weekend Update. He has appeared on SNL seven times so far, most notably on ¡Show Biz Grande Explosion!, a sketch vehicle launched to feature his character.
[edit] Episodes featuring Fericito
- October 5, 2002: host Matt Damon
- October 19, 2002, in host John McCain's monologue
- March 15, 2003: host Salma Hayek
- March 6, 2004: host Colin Firth
- May 8, 2004: host Snoop Dogg
- December 11, 2004: host Colin Farrell
- October 8, 2005: host Jon Heder
[edit] Tim Calhoun
Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) has made seven appearances between 2002 and 2007, six of which were on Weekend Update. Calhoun is a soft-spoken political candidate with slicked back hair, a slight Southern drawl, and many unconventional ideas. Calhoun is also a career criminal with many arrests, which he often inadvertently mentions. Constantly nervous and fidgety, Calhoun reads his speeches from index cards which he stacks neatly on the table as he finishes each one. His voice is exaggeratedly slow and deliberate, hardly rising above a whisper.
A Democrat, he first appeared on Weekend Update under the equal time doctrine when John McCain hosted.
[edit] Episodes featuring Tim Calhoun
- October 19, 2002: anchors: Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
- January 18, 2003: anchors: Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
- November 8, 2003: anchors: Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
- March 6, 2004 in "Tim Calhoun on Trial": host Colin Firth. This was the only time that Tim Calhoun appeared in a sketch outside of Weekend Update.[2]
- October 8, 2005: anchors: Amy Poehler, Horatio Sanz
- October 28, 2006: anchors: Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers
- March 24, 2007: anchors: Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers
[edit] Quotations
- "I love whales. But they have to go. So I'm going to organize a whaling party that will not stop until all whales are dead." (October 19, 2002)
- "I am not married, so my sexual history is not relevant...but if you must know, I have some babies. Mainly by black ladies. But some by white. And a China-baby." (October 19, 2002)
- "When’s there going to be a China person on the Supreme Court? I propose.. never." (January 18. 2003)
- "I propose a little more California, and a little less Mexico." (January 18. 2003)
- "My candidacy is based on honesty, so there are a few things about me you should know. I've been in jail. It's not important how many times, but if you must know...I'd say...one, two, thirty-one times. There are times when I'm not gay at all. But then there are other times I'm so gay it more than makes up for it." (November 8, 2003)
- "I think burning the flag is wrong, but undercooking the flag is even worse...I have no past experience as a judge, but I have served as my own lawyer on several occasions. All of them turned out really bad." (October 8, 2005)
- "I have touched many pages in my life [Ref: Mark Foley scandal]... because I am a voracious reader... of child pornography... studies. Illustrated studies." (October 28, 2006)
- "I am qualified to represent America. Because, like America, I am heavily in debt, I'm about ten percent gay, and I have a really bad gas problem." (October 28, 2006)
- "Jack Abramoff? But I hardly know Abram." (March 24, 2007)
- "If I had to choose a side in the same-sex debate, I pick anal." (March 24, 2007)
[edit] The Kelly Brothers
Gunther Kelly (Fred Armisen) and his brother Patrick (Will Forte) appear as experts from an impressive institution or think-tank. Called on to discuss or debate complex topics (such as tax codes or immigration), they tell the audience that they will present their information in a song, so the nuances can be better absorbed. However, their songs, while snappy and possessing humorous two-part harmonies in counterpoint, are repetitive, usually contain nothing but nonsense lyrics, and impart no information whatsoever.
On the May 6, 2006 show with Tom Hanks and Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Kelly brothers appeared on Weekend Update for a debate which turned out to be them simply singing, "Ya." Will Forte sang in an exaggeratedly high tone.
[edit] Billy Smith
Billy Smith (played by Fred Armisen) is a Native American comedian who performs stand-up in two Weekend Update episodes and one opening monologue on Saturday Night Live.
[edit] Episodes featuring Billy Smith
- October 18, 2003: anchors Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
- February 7, 2004
- November 13, 2004, in host Liam Neeson's monologue about the negative racial stereotypes portrayed on SNL (and how Liam Neeson promised not to play an Irish stereotype)
[edit] Two Guys from a Religious Cult
The Two Guys from a Religious Cult, played by David Spade and Adam Sandler, would appear with the intention of presenting a standard news item, such as a weather report or a restaurant review. Dressed in matching sunglasses and leather vests, they start their reports with incoherent religious rants ("The long-dead rulers of the serpent kingdoms will open their maggot-encrusted eyes and emerge from their forgotten tombs at the unspeakable dawn of the sixth day to worship at the altar of the Dark Queen. YOU HAVE SEWN US INSIDE THE BELLY OF LUCIFER!") Anchorman Norm MacDonald would try to steer them back onto the subject they had come on to report, with limited success ("Service was adequate. Food was a bit pricey. ALFREDO SAUCE WAS A LITTLE TOO CREAMY!") Chris Farley once appeared as the cult leader.
[edit] Episodes featuring Two Guys from a Religious Cult
[edit] Jorge Rodriguez
An alleged expert on world events, Rodriguez is an aloof halfwit (played by Horatio Sanz) that constantly falls for the various hair-brained schemes of his friend Pepe. His catchphrase is "I'm looking for Pepe."
[edit] See also
- Recurring Saturday Night Live characters and sketches (listed alphabetically)
- Recurring Saturday Night Live characters and sketches (listed chronologically)
- Saturday Night Live TV show sketches
- Short-lived recurring characters on Saturday Night Live
- Saturday Night Live commercials
[edit] Notes
- ^ The original title in German is Hitlers Geheimnis (Hitler's Secret).
