Squilliam Returns

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SpongeBob SquarePants episode

""Squilliam Returns""

Credits

Writer(s):

Sam Henderson
Jay Lender
Kent Osborne

Storyboard Artist(s):

Mike Roth

Directors

Episode List
Select show to expand.

Premiere Order

Production Order

"Squilliam Returns" is a SpongeBob SquarePants episode from season three.

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Brief summary: Squidward's old classmate, Squilliam, comes for a visit to Bikini Bottom. Squidward lies to him, saying that he owns a five-star restaurant. But then Squilliam says that he'll visit his restaurant, leading to disaster.

Time/Date:

9:40 p.m.: Squidward gives SpongeBob the Book "How to become a fancy waiter in less than 20 minutes"
10:00 p.m.: Squilliam arrives

Time cards shown: None

Characters Present:

Squidward Tentacles
Squilliam Fancyson
SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick Star
Mr. Krabs
Crowd with Squilliam
The Appetizer
Sponges in SpongeBob's brain

Songs: None

1 Plot
2 Quotes
3 Goofs
4 Trivia

[edit] Plot

Squidward is looking at his watch, counting down to his lunch break. When at last it comes, he walks outside to get some fresh air. He sees Squilliam, his old classmate that succeeded in everything he failed in. Squidward quickly hides his Krusty Krab uniform, and tells him that he owns a five-star restaurant.

Squilliam says that he will visit that night, and Squidward is shocked. He never expected this, and begs to Mr. Krabs that he can take over the Krusty Krab for a day. Once he tells Mr. Krabs that Squilliam's coming, he accepts. Patrick, who says that he thought the corps would help him get his life straightened, is going to collect the hats, SpongeBob, who doesn't yet know how to go to tables and take orders, is the waiter and Mr. Krabs, who says he once served on the S.S Gourmet, is the chef.

However, things are not going well. There is only twenty minutes until Squilliam is going to arrive, and everyone isn't co-operating. Patrick is beating up the hat rack because it won't give him it's hat. Mr. Krabs cooks extremely terrible food and says that he worked as a janitor on the Gourmet and was the head chef on the S.S Diarrhea. And SpongeBob can't handle the 'How to be a waiter in less than twenty minutes' book that Squidward gave him. Squidward tells him to clear his mind of everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining and breathing.

SpongeBob's mind is portrayed by offices, operated by little SpongeBobs. Their boss tells them to dump everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining and breathing until further notice. They shred heaps and heaps of documents, until SpongeBob just stares into empty space and doesn't respond to anything. Squidward runs outside and bumps into Squilliam, who is just about to enter. They both go inside, and they see the Krusty Krab has been transformed into a five-star restaurant. SpongeBob tells Squidward that he did all of this, and he has tied up Patrick and Mr. Krabs (who are in the kitchen). After the visit, Squilliam asks SpongeBob what his name is. He doesn't know.

Inside his mind, all of the little SpongeBobs are trying to find out his name, but it just results in his brain snapping in half. SpongeBob immediately goes crazy, and Squilliam finds out that Squidward's actually a cashier. Squilliam "admits" that he's also a cashier too. However, he reveals that he was just kidding and that he's still "filthy, stinkin' rich". So he and his crowd leave the restaurant to ride in his "balloon/casino", leaving Squidward dejected and defeated once again.

[edit] Quotes

(SpongeBob's Brain)
Boss Sponge: Just got an order from the boss! Dump everything that does not have to do with fine dining.
Sponges: Everything?
Boss Sponge:Everything!

Boss Sponge: Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?

Sponge: You don't pay me. We don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought.

Boss Sponge: One more crack like that and you're out of here!

Sponge: No, please! I have three kids!

(Krusty Krab)

Squidward: I'm done with my shift, Mr. Krabs. And let me just say, there will come a day when I will make something of my life and I will never have to set foot in this grease trap again! (cheers and applause)

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, we'll see you after your lunch break, Squidward. (cheers cut out)

Squidward: Okay.

Squilliam and Squidward: (walk into the new Krusty Krab) Homina homina homina homina homina...

Spongebob: Table for Homina? I can seat you immediately!

SpongeBob: (about memorizing Sqiudward's 'How to Become a waiter in less than 20 minutes' book) I can't do it. I can't do it, Squidward.

Squidward: What?

SpongeBob: Every sentence, every paragraph, spoons, bread, salad, pepper! Don't you understand? My brain is full to bursting! (brain begins to throb out of head) If I have to memorize a single order, I think I'm gonna EXPLODE!!! (explodes, but is still kept intact)

Squidward: I thought you said that you were the head chef on the S.S. Gourmet?

Mr. Krabs: Did I say that? No. I cleaned the bathrooms on the Gourmet! I was the head chef on the S.S.Diarrhea.

Mr. Krabs: Oh Boo-hoo! Here, let me play you a sad song on world's smallest violin!"

Squidward: This is serious!

Mr. Krabs: I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. (shows his claws) See?

(Outside Krusty Krab)

Squidward: (thinking) Don't be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear. (Visualizes Squlliam's head on a male model wearing boxers) Oh no! He's hot!

Patrick: (at coatrack) Give me that hat, I SAID GIVE IT TO ME! Are you gonna hand it over or not? Don't you backsass me! (starts beating up the coatrack)

[edit] Goofs

The world's smallest violin changes sizes during the episode.

When Squilliam arrives at Squidward's "five-star restaurant", it is nighttime. But, at the end of the episode, after Squidward says, "Would you get out of here?!", it is daytime. The disaster might have occurred before dawn or it was just an animation goof.

When Squilliam lies about being a cashier to Squidward, Mr. Krabs is playing the world's smallest violin, but his eyes are white instead of pale green.

Before Squilliam enters the restaurant, it still shows the window, however, as soon as he enters, there is wallpaper rather than windows.

[edit] Trivia

When aired on children's block CITV in the UK the whole ending of this was cut meaning it only ended with Squidward's Krusty Krab clothes back on and CITV viewers won't be able to understand what happens to Squidward at the end however this is left in on the Nick UK version.